vba3c - was so happy but being brought back to earth with a bump : (

[arizonagirl]

Hi there,

Feeling a little sad as I had my vba3c and was so ecstatic as it was the end of a long emotional journey for me after 5 years.

I had planned a home waterbirth but transferred due to some decelerations in the heartbeat. It was only mild but I knew it was the right thing to go in. As it was, baby was born half an hour later although I needed an episiotomy and a kiwi ventouse. But I didn't care one bit - I had my vbac with absolutely no pain relief in five hours and baby was fine...and gorgeous. I was on cloud nine.

But now I have been getting so many people asking if I am disappointed that I didn't get to do it all on my own and push him out etc etc and that things didn't go entirely to plan. I hadn't even thought to be disappointed about having an assisted birth - I was just so pleased I didn't end up having a fourth section. But now I keep thinking I should have held out and done it completely on my own. My midwife tells me baby was not overly happy and the heart decelerations were significant enough not to ignore.

And to top the lot I have some stitches from the episiotomy which have come apart. I am hoping it will heal ok so I don't need an operation later on.

Just feeling a little down after feeling so elated and euphoric. Sorry this is a bit of a ramble but just wanted to write it down. Dh doesn't understand - he says I got my vba3c which I have been desperate for and yet I am still not happy. I am - it's just all the comments I keep getting : (

Thanks chipmonkey - sorry, I feel a bit insensitive now . I know where you are coming from. Four lovely children - enjoy. And I know the birth thing kind of falls into insignificance after a while (or at least doesn't feel so upsetting). Thanks for your post!

Gosh, I didn't mean to make you feel bad! I only meant to say that you shouldn't feel bad, you got your vba3c! There are very few births that work out exactly as planned and although I never would have wanted such medicalised births, I was certainly grateful for the intervention when it was needed.

so glad you're feeling better arizona yeah

Thanks lala21. In a good place now and am happy with my vba3c. Just had a look at the waterbirth post and felt a bit wistful (some truly beautiful photos - didn't even get into mine - was more comfortable in bed). But I was able to appreciate these lovely photos without remembering my awful three birth experiences - would have always left me in tears before seeing happy photos. And my little boy is simply gorgeous - can't stop cuddling him

arizonagirl, i had ventouse with my first baby and it has never, ever crossed my mind that i didn't have a natural vaginal delivery or that i might be disappointed in any way!

you did great, and you took the right decisions for your baby's welfare.

you've done fantastically to even have a vaginal birth after 3 sections anyway and you should feel incredibly proud of yourself!
plus you have a cute baby with an excellent name

Thank you!! Really appreciate your time to comment . It's really nice to get the perspective of someone who had a first natural birth with the old ventouse. I think it probably all stems back to some old emotional baggage I have bought away with me from the sections. I know you are right - that it wouldn't have occurred to me to feel disappointed if it was my first birth - I guess I just started creating false expectations over the years and fell back to earth when everyone started asking if I was disappointed. I'm feeling so much happier now - would have loved a nice peaceful waterbirth. But I suspect many other people feel the same - labour is so unpredicatable. Good job we get our gorgeous bundles at the end of it.

Just to add - had the birth pool up for DS1, spent hours in it but was too exhausted at the end, and ended up lying on the sofa - felt bad i'd 'wasted' the pool.

DS2 - got the pool ready, was just having a VE before getting in - MW found he was breech, off to hosp for emc-s. Never even got in!

Am slightly more determined to use it this time but am partly resigned to my bad luck with the pool! Will settle for staying at home/VBAC in hosp/'anything' as long as baby is ok ... in that order