Is wanting a natrual birth unrealistic? Is it all down to luck?

[digggers]

my own experience and the experience of friends really makes me wonder about this. There's no ryhme or reason, it's just so random.

Are people who prepare for and experience the birth they want just lucky? Is childbirth something you can prepare for and influence? Or is an open mind and a thankfulness that in our country we have medical help on hand the best approach? Or should all medical help be viewed with distrust!

I think most people I know got the birth they planned, or something similar. Having said that, even the "perfect" ones were shocked and overwhelmed the first time - that just seems to be par for the course.

What I have noticed is that when a baby is coming and everything is going to be fairly intervention-free, it usually happens quite fast.

I am the only person I know in rl who simply cannot give birth vaginally (dodgy pelvis, they get stuck). I am hugely grateful that cs exists, and even I managed to have a natural, calm labour, just with a hairy last 45 mins and a crash cs at the end! That was down to state of mind and preparedness I think. All sorts of other things play a part too: luck (if you don't have a dud pelvis!), good support, good medical care you trust, good health up until the birth etc.

No, of course not all medical help should be met with distrust

There is a balance

I have had 2 vaginal deliveries - both intervention free and excellent experiences

My second was even better - I made it my business tp be really informed, to be active during my labour and my birth partners knew exactly what I wanted so were able to support me really well

Am sure there is some elements that cannot be controlled - ie positioning of the baby, emergencies etc

I prepared massively for DD1, used a birthing hypnotherapy CD, really hoped for a natural birth, but ended up with an EMCS.

It all started quite naturally, my waters broke a few days before EDD, but then nothing else happened and I had to be induced which also didn't work. DD1 started to become distressed and the decision was taken to operate.

I think when you're in the midst of it, all you want is for your child to be born safely, by whichever means necessary.

I agree but suspect that's 'cause I felt very well prepared for a natural birth and ended up with an emcs, without which we would both have died.
All the natural birth preparation in the world would have made no difference whatsoever...

Luck. You can read and prepare and Think Beautiful Natural Thorts all you like, but your labour's going to go its own way. How you deal with it then is of course a matter of choice up to a point. (Or beyond a point if you really don't want any intervention even if both you and your child will end up dead, but most of us tend to compromise before that point, really.)

My first labour was a pig. My second labour was relatively easy. A lot of women find the same.

Luck.

I think labour can be influenced by preparation and planning, whereas birth is more down to luck.

If you plan to labour more naturally, with no epidural, just tens, water pool, gas & air, breathing and visualisation etc., then that's probably the way you will labour. It doesn't mean lady luck will allow you to have a 'natural' birth, similarly having an epidural and lying motionless on your back doesn't mean you will need an instrumental delivery.

Luck!

Luck and genetics. If you are able, ask your mother what her first labour was like and there do seem to be similarities (long/short labour etc). The end may be different - my mother had long labours then forceps etc, I ended up with a crash CS. That last bit is just down to whatever the current practice is.

Being well informed certainly helps to cope with whatever happens but dont just focus on the books on natural childbirth, read up about what happens if it doesnt go swimmingly.

I think it is important to keep an open mind about what might happen as well. The important thing at the end of the day is to have a healthy mother and a healthy baby - you will not have failed if you don't deliver at home/without drugs/vaginally etc. We can do things to help that (e.g. moving around), but can not hold ourselves entirely responsible for it all!

I think luck plays a bigger part than it should due often to poor practice or midwifery care/understaffing [bitter, moi?]

I had an awful first labour. DD was in the wrong position and after nearly 48 hours of contractions every 15 minutes, almost all standing up due to the indescribable back pain when I sat or lay down and into my third night without sleep, I was only 3cm. A predictable course ensued.

IME, the NHS is pretty good at helping women who want and have prepared for a natural birth and who are progressing. They are pretty damn good at saving lives in dicey situations.

What they aren't great at is helping women in situtations like mine - all too often those women get shoved in a room and ignored to the point where they collapse in tears begging for the epidural. I had prepared well for my labour (and had done all the stuff for positioning), but you can't really prepare for going 60 hours without sleep and being practically delirious (as was DH, on not much more sleep). I firmly believe that the course of my labour was down to luck, but that the outcome might have been different with better care.

my first was a brow presentation - she got distressed and cs at the end of labour second dd was back to back and forceps where used. Was I unlucky or did I not know enough?

I asked to go for a vaginal birth the second time, without much reading - glad I didn't read up as it may have scared me shitless

I had read quite considerably and 18 years ago with library books alone as limited web access in thoses days -

I think totally lucky, and IMO you should do what ever you can or need to to get your baby here safely. I can't get my head around people who jeopordise that because they want a 'natural birth'

definitely luck - 2 great deliveries with ds1 and dd. No pain relief other than tens, no intervention etc. 3rd time round - I thought no probs - ended up in surgery! And I did nothing differently. My body just took over, and it was obvious to me and dh as soon as I got to the pushing stage that it just was not going to happen.

Really starlight? Cause I did all of the usual things, I did not allow them to collapse me on my back on a bed, I get mobile, I did the breathing, I bounced on the balls, I moved about, I had prepared mentally for all three. But it had no effect at all. I ended up lying flat on my back having my child wrenched out of me. So now I really think that your body will help you only if everything is in perfect alignment iyswim!

I believe it's a combination of luck, preparation and environment.
There's not much you can do to control some things like when your waters will break, or the size of your baby versus your pelvis, or how long the whole thing will take BUT preparation in terms of deciding the best environment for you to feel relaxed, who would be a calming birth partner and learning breathing exercises are all going to contribute to the possibility of having a natural birth.

I think preparation can play some part. I read a bit of Ina May Gaskin, and Childbirth without fear by Grantly Dick Read and was really surprised by how convincing the case was for fear/tension leading to pain and failure to progress.

That said, all the reading in the world didn't stop me being scared and I was telling the mw I was scared to push the baby out as I knew I wasn't going to like how it felt.

The problem with the argument of preparedness is that it suggests that the woman is at fault for not having a lovely empowering birth as she didn't prepare enough.

The argument that Dick Read makes is that we are exposed to many negative images/stories about how awful labour is that in itself can lead to fear of the unknown. You could almost argue that (in the right supportive mw led environment) total ignorance is bliss, just being really natural and listening to your body at the time, rather than over thinking it which is what we tend to do now.

I've recently had a natural home water birth, no pain relief or intervention. But I will still never wax lyrical about how fab birth was like some woman I know. I really hate the feeling of it.

definitely down to luck. Anyone who thinks they can "influence" or plan a childbirth is simply being ridiculous. My plan was to have a natural midwife-led birth.

but what can I say....those that view medical help with distrust maybe don't realise that these doctors are the same people you will be literally BEGGING to save your baby should things ever go horribly wrong. I know I did.

My eternal thanks go to my wonderful surgical team who saved my DD. She is now a beautiful thriving 3mo. Without doctors she wouldn't be here.

I think totally luck. Everything was normal with ds during the pregnancy and I planned for a natural birth but then my waters broke and it all went tits up ending in him nearly dying, an emcs and then me nearly dying.

I was told to try for natural with dd but went into labour at 30 weeks and stayed in labour until emcs at 38 weeks.

The 'link' between contractions and dilation seems to be missing in me and my pelvis likes to trap babies in it.

Starlight - quite possibly right - I was in about 4 different places in the hospital before I ended up in labour ward. The reason I said we knew it was not going to happen is because when I went into transition - last 2 times have vomited violently and then just really needed to push, total urge - we just waited for the urge and nothing happened. I was fully dilated, mw could see babies head, but I did not want to push. The pain was also excrutiating, and I could not cope with it. baby and I were spine to spine, which had happened with dd, but also the wrong part of his head was presenting, so he was going nowhere. What amazed me was the fact that my body knew this and did not really give me that urge to get baby out, iyswim? So I was able to speak to mw and tell her that I felt something was not right fairly early on. does that make sense?
LOL at mil - did I really say mw reminded me of her?! Tell you what though - one of the doctors was spitting image of my 19 year old brother, and I get shouting at dh to get liam out of here!!