We are very close to being completely broken. My 8 year old DD won't sleep in her bed. She has always being difficult at bedtimes but we went through times where she was OK and even sometimes slept through the night. 90% of the time though, if she falls asleep in her bed (which might take up to 2 hours of 'drama'), she will wake up at the slightest noise and come in our bedroom, wake us up with the final goal of getting my husband to leave our bed so she can sleep with me. If that is allowed to happen she settles fairly easily most of the time, if we challenge her we are looking at hours awake in the middle of the night trying to placate her / fighting / shouting /crying...
My DH and I haven't slept together in our bed from start to finish in months and months and months. Bedtimes are charged with anxiety and sadness and anger and I just don't know what to do anymore. My husband always adopts the 'hard ball route', while I most of the time am so shattered physically and emotionally that I allow her to come and sleep with me or end us sitting by her bed until she falls asleep and then try and creep out of her bedroom. Sometimes she still wakes up even if she sounds to me deeply sleeping.
The reasons for all this are always different. She comes up with a different excuse every time...sometimes a physical ailment, at the moment she says she's scared someone might come in. I feel they are just excuses and she knows it. I feel manipulated and so resentful. My DH blames me for having been 'always too soft with her', holding her hand while she fell asleep when she was little etc etc. I am scared she might have an anxiety disorder.
I don't know what to do anymore. Anyone has any advice?