11 yr old DD having intrusive/bad thoughts

[babayjane67]

Hi
My 11 yr old DD has been having bad/intrusive thoughts for the past 2 wks.
We lost my mum almost 6 wks ago &had her funeral last Fri which my dd attended.she had the choice of what she wanted to do&how she wanted to do it.
These bad thoughts started a wk before the funeral.
That her head is telling her to kill herself &everyone else.last wk she was even scared to cut herself some cake because she might use the knife on herself.
Last night she said she wanted me to remove the scissors from her room as she was worried she would use them on herself.
Her heads been telling her she's ugly,obese(she's a bit overweight but definitely not obese).the weight thought seems to have gone now but the ugly ones are still there as are the others.she went into the bathroom this morning &her head told her to use something out the cabinet&kill herself.saying go on do it!
It's been telling her she hates certain people &seems to need to confess to every

negative feeling she has.eg hating someone,confessing things she did or didn't do that were/are wrong.
I've told school who have been very good&suggested her seeing a mentor who she can talk to etc but she only comes out once a month! They said they haven't seen or heard any of this behaviour in school&were very surprised when I told them.She knows she can talk to her teacher&the head who is also the SEN but she told me today she doesn't want to talk to them she doesn't trust them! She really likes her teacher.theyre both male so not sure if this makes a difference to her.
I think it's probably all down to a combination of losing my mum,puberty(she started her periods just after Christmas),starting secondary in Sept&dealing with all these new grown up emotions.
Myself&my partner are doing the best we can to help her.telling her to keep talking to us about it not to keep it in.that alot of these feelings are normal& not to worry about them.to try&distract herself with something else/chase away the bad thought with good,happy thoughts.tell them to go away.
I don't know what else to do! I think she needs more help than we can give her but my partner doesn't agree.he just says to give her more time,that it's just a phase give her longer.
Has anyone had experience of this&can suggest anything else we maybe haven't thought of?
I've had 2 other dds both adults,one with her own kids now&I don't remember either of them being like this.they don't either &are worried about her too.

It possibly could be OCD that’s causing this - have a look at OCD action and ocd uk websites. I would ask the gp for a referral to Camhs so she can be properly assessed by a psychiatrist and you can get support through them. 💐

Yes I have first hand experience of this. In my case it got very bad and I ended up in a mother and baby unit (luckily a relatively short stay). They diagnosed me with OCD - which previously i had thought was all about cleaning! My thoughts were so bad i couldn't see a way out, but I started taking Sertraline and it has been incredible- I'm basically back to normal now.

Please book your daughter an emergency GP appointment, the thoughts are hard to explain and terrifying and they can escalate very quickly.

It might also be worth looking into OCD and bringing this to the GP's attention in case they are not totally clued up about it (I think OCD has it's own website which describes the intrusive thoughts type of OCD).

One thing that helped me was knowing nobody with these thoughts has ever acted on them.

Good luck

It’s best to ask for help early on as there are often long waiting lists x

One last thing, it also sounds like she is describing false memory OCD (I had this too) - this was the scariest part for me, not being able to differentiate between things I had done and things I had imagined. With the best will in the world (please read this kindly), telling her to think happy thoughts etc really wont work and may make her feel she is being dismissed - I imagine it took a lot of courage for her to tell you and when you receive a reply like that, it can make you feel even more hopeless as you feel nobody understands.

Please dont take that the wrong way, I can see how hard it must be to understand from an outside perspective and I'm sure you're doing your very best

Hi OP,

The NHS website gives a good basic explanation of OCD and current treatments

w.nhs.uk/conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/

Thanks for all yr replies.wow! I hadn't even thought of OCD! I too thought it was mostly to do with cleaning! It's really hard as she always seems fine in between 'bouts'.like now she's not long home from school,she's got changed&playing Minecraft in her tablet while waiting for her tea to be cooked.
When it first started she got very upset almost hysterical &into a panic attack! I had to talk her down&get her to slow her breathing down etc.
Do u think a Mindset/positive thinking journal fir her age group would help too?

I'm not really sure what a positive thinking journal would achieve if I'm honest - I can see how this may help for depressive episodes, but OCD is a different kettle of fish altogether and in my case required speedy and rigorous professional help. I think a GP appointment would be the best place to start

I think it depends if the thoughts are constant, few times a day, or occasionally .
Does she have these thoughts when at school? With her friends?

If there often every day, then I’d take her to the gp

Ok Wolfgirl thanks.my best friend suggested one as she has one for her son who is very often down on himself saying he's no good at this&that.not good enough etc&it's really helping him.
Can I ask if u had these thoughts also at school/work? Did the staff or anyone there notice any difference in u at all?
Because as I said school were very surprised when I told them as they don't see any of it there.i do the breakfast club in the morning's &also am a dinner lady.she comes to me saying her heads said something horrible again in the mornings but at lunch time she's always fine so far anyway.
Yes granadagirl they seem to be every day,usually the mornings &evenings.she doesn't seem to have them at school or when shes with a friend so far anyway.

Emeeno the link u shared isn't working.i will try googling it.

Yes, all the time. I probably had many thousands a day. Nobody noticed any difference in me because I hid it well, but it was debilitating. Like your daughter I had episodes which culminated in a serious acute episode. I wish I had sought help sooner and not tried to 'treat' myself, but I'm so grateful to be better I dont dwell on it too much. If your daughter is feeling ok today perhaps now is a good time to approach the subject with her?

As mentioned if she seems ok try having a chat with her, would she like to speak to the gp ?
what does she think she would like you to do for her?
Defo make gp appt, if she agrees to any help
Don’t just take it with a pinch of salt(as I don’t think you would) as intrusive thoughts even not horrible ones are frightening
When you can’t switch them off

My DD had OCD intrusive thoughts aged 11, the one thing that helped her was CBT, we had to go private though. She was a different child after 6 sessions.

So if u hid it well Wolfgirl then I'm guessing the staff etc didn't notice it.mayhe that's what DDS doing at school I don't know.it just seems strange that nobody there has noticed anything & were really surprised.
Cocolapew did yr DD have it at school too?did the staff notice?
I've just read up some info on it&it can come with rituals too or not.she doesn't do any rituals that are listed.not that we've noticed anyway.its only the thoughts which to be honest is bad enough!
Yes I will try to talk to her about it&see what she would like me to do to help it?
I know my partner doesn't agree though to asking for help at the moment as he thinks it's just a phase she's going through.

Cocolapew if u don't mind me asking,how much was it to go private? Im not sure we could afford to.

Sounds like a part of ocd to me too. I used to have the same thoughts when I was a teenager, I’d have to x y and z before v or I’d have to kill myself. Or I’d get intrusive thoughts about stabbing someone else etc.

Fast forward 15 or so years, and the death of a loved one drove my ocd into overdrive. I eventually sought help for grief counselling, but they diagnosed me with ocd. I had cbt and have generally managed to manage it and live ‘normally’. So I’d definitely recommend seeking help sooner rather than later as waiting lists could be ages.

One thing I found helpful at a mindfulness course is to acknowledge the intrusive thought/nasty voice in my head and then to imagine a tissue in a breeze and the wind blowing it away, which might help your daughter?

I’m sorry for the loss of your mum 💐

It was when I was on maternity leave, my DP didnt even notice until I had the acute episode and a major breakdown - I was sobbing and hyperventilating and refusing to be in the same room as my daughter as I thought I was a danger to her. I didnt have any rituals at all, the thoughts just engulfed me.

If she is only 11 it sounds like she is too young to be aware of the help available to her, so asking her what she would like to do may draw a blank; I would suggest printing off the information on OCD for the GP and telling her you've booked a doctors appointment and not to be worried, she will get help and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Sorry I dont mean to sound bossy I just really feel for your daughter and how she must be feeling it's not really a normal 'phase' to be going through, and even if it is temporary it is clearly causing her distress so professional help cant do any harm.

Thanks muchtootired.maybe we can try that.
How long did it take to get the cbt& for how long did u need it?

Thanks Wolfgirl
So far she's been good this evening though she's just watched an NHS ad on telly&she said my head's saying death blood death blood!! It wasn't anything to do with that! Bless her!
She had 3 or 4 days where she didn't seem too bad.still needing to confess everything but no really bad thoughts or getting very emotional about it all.thrn whammo it started up again yesterday morning!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/child_adolescent_mental_health/3286232-DD-10-worried-she-s-going-to-die

This is what happened to my dd the cbt really helped and no issues after 6 sessions

Thanks Meg thats a help too.
I hope yr DD is doing ok now.

She is absolutely fine, the cbt was amazing DH had family medical insurance that helped pay. No issues now we check in every evening with her. Catch it early if you can

I think it was a couple of months to starting my cbt, and I was in therapy for 4-5 months I think. I chose 1 to 1 therapy rather than a group session, and it was absolutely amazing! I’d had it for about 20 years I think, and had kept it pretty well hidden from pretty much everyone, including myself!

My ds(18) is diagnosed OCD with intrusive thoughts. He can pinpoint the exact moment it started as the death of my grandmother. I'm sure it wasn't just her death or that it wouldn't have happened if she hadn't died BUT he is convinced this is the case. I strongly recommend CAMHS ASAP.

Thankyou so much everyone for all yr helpful replies!
I will chat to DD tomorrow &suggest seeing the gp to get some help.i will continue to read up as much as I can about ocd.i never realised kids could get it!
Think dp will probably poo poo the idea but it's not about him it's about helping her.
When she went to bed just now,I'd dozed off while she was upstairs getting ready&she came down &woke me up.she said u know when u were asleep mum,my head told me to kill u now while you're asleep!
I said don't worry luv it's just a thought&u haven't acted on it have u I'm still here.its ok.bless her.