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Child mental health

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Original poster

14 year old son out of control

37 replies

stacey1322 · 14/12/2016 19:04

Hi I'm a long time reader but could really do with some advice. I have a 14 year old son with conduct disorder and he is out of control, some examples from this year he has tryed to burn the house down and smashed up my medication, been suspended from school , he is not allowed back in until after Christmas due to threatening behaviour towards a female teacher , he came home on Friday and kicked off on me stuck his fingers down his throat and was sick all over the floor, screaming he was going slit my throat and the teacher and this was going on for five hours , I've got social workers involved, support workers cahms, and nothing is helping I've told him he is not having his big present for xmas as his behaviour was that bad Friday I'm at my wits end and don't no how to cope anymore and stuck in all this is my seven year old daughter who has to wittiness some shocking things , does anybody else have a child with conduct disorder and how do you live with it everyday thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

stacey1322 · 14/12/2016 21:17

Not that I no of when I've spoke to social workers they have dug their heels in and told me there's no help but wo would be willing to relocate to get the help

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Original poster

stacey1322 · 14/12/2016 21:20

He is in year ten now and all through school gave him time out cards and let him get away with the behaviour, but they had me in and said they have had enough so are putting in punishments and he is fighting back against that so is spending most of his time excluded he has missed all his mock exams this week and is achieving nothing

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Crumbs1 · 14/12/2016 21:36

Speak to SENCO at school as matter of urgency. They should support statementing process and know options.

MinesAGin · 14/12/2016 22:03

They are trying to brush you off and force you to deal with it. It's not on. He was going to set fire to the house and slit your throat, ffs!

Original poster

stacey1322 · 14/12/2016 22:42

It's like they just can't be bothered with the problems he causes I take onboard all of your advice and will be contacting the school first thing ,

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PickAChew · 14/12/2016 22:54

I agree with most of what's been said but, to clarify, it's no longer statements in school, it's Education, Health and Care Plans, which is more useful in your case, anyhow.

It sounds like you need to be the squeaky wheel, anyhow, though. At 14, I expect he's bigger and stronger than you, so if he turns round and lamps you one, how are you going to protect your 7yo, then?

If people were doing their jobs (and not the unwritten bit in thei r job description that says save money, it can come out of someone else's budget if we put it off long enough) then you would get respite for your family unit and would be supported in working with him to build up his self worth and willingness to conform to socially acceptable behaviours in a non-punitive way (eg no threats about Christmas presents!)

Footle · 14/12/2016 22:57

Nothing useful to say but you are living a total nightmare. Is there someone who can advocate for you with SS ? You are so beaten down that I don't see how you can do it for yourself. Could a solicitor advise you ?

Original poster

stacey1322 · 14/12/2016 23:09

Hi it is a nightmare this has been going on for years now , he has had different diagnoses along the way from autism, pda, ADHD, ODD and now conduct disorder they are saying that will probably lead to antisocial personality disorder and I keep saying to cahms what are we going to do to stop it what can I do to help him but they have no answers they have offered him cbt but as he refuses it they are just reviewing him now every 3 months

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user1467798821 · 14/12/2016 23:37

My son has all of the same conditions and has now been diagnosed with anti social personality disorder too, this label was given after he had spent a month in Roehampton mental Health hospital.

Just so you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, he is now 22, runs his own flat with little support from me and works as a homeless officer for a local authority. However we still don't believe everything he says, and he still tries to manipulate me, but after some counselling for me, it no longer works! Get in touch with your local NAS group, ours were priceless they can often signpost you to mental health specialists in ASD. I think the school might be a bit of a lost cause now, so get in touch with your social worker and tell her you are ill and can no longer car for your son or daughter or yourself, so they need to find him an emergency placement immediately. And you refuse to live with him any longer.
Then see if you have a counselling facility for you, so that you can self refer and get yourself stronger. Sometimes we just have to let go. I actually spoke to my son this evening, when he called in to treat me to dinner and he said the best thing I did for him was to throw him out at 14 and again at 18. Tough love was the only love for me mum. You will get through this, but not if he continues to live at home

Original poster

stacey1322 · 14/12/2016 23:49

Thank you that's good to hear I'm glad your son is in a better place now , it's so hard isn't it my son lies terribly even if I have seen him do it he will not admit it and he blames everyone else around him , we also have stealing hence everything is now locked in my bedroom as he takes anything he can get his hands on

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user1467798821 · 15/12/2016 00:55

Yes had the steaming too, slept with my purse. He filled his car up at a petrol station without paying, police caught up with him, he gave his fathers name, then changed his mind to Micheal Jackson, I can laugh now, but I wouldn't go back.....ever

Lostsoul231 · 22/12/2016 23:25

I've also had a lot of problems with my 13 year old son this year. Similar to yours.

It's exhausting as it feels like I'm fighting two consecutive battles. One battle is with my son and the other is for him with CAMHS and school etc

Things appear to be getting a little better here now that my son is in a special school 3 days per week and has been seeing an intervention worker for a couple of hours twice per week.

He is due to start doing a couple of hours a day back at his mainstream school in January. I'm anxious about that but trying to stay positive.

I hope things improve for you and your son and daughter very soon and you get the help you need for him.

Ive done so much research myself. All we can do is keep fighting for our sons until someone finally listens. I took my son to a private psychologist when I got nowhere with CAMHS. He phoned my GP and said my son needed to be referred back to CAMHS urgently. CAMHS soon took notice when I made a 6 page complaint and received a letter from the private psychologist.

I am a singly parent and am struggling financially now as I've been made redundant and can't currently work due to my son's situation. I know the sacrifice will be worth it in the long run.

Good luck. I hope you get the help for him soon

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