Dad keeps falling out of bed

[Ozgirl76]

My mum is caring for my dad at home, he has terminal cancer. He is very very frail and weak and he has a bed downstairs. He has fallen out of this bed twice now (about a week apart). My mum is upstairs.
What have other people done in this situation? They have a ring camera but my mum says it goes off constantly because it activates every time he moves and she gets no sleep.

I feel like it’s time to pay a nurse to do the night shift just in case it happens again, and to give my mum peace of mind that she can sleep and know she’ll get a full night.

She seems a little reluctant and I wondered if there was a half way measure that anyone has found?

Message from MNHQ: Please read the OP's sad update today at 00:27 before responding - the thread has moved on since the OP first posted. We send our deepest sympathies to you and your family, OP. Thinking of you at this sad time.

Thanks for your help on here everyone. We have gone down the path of a night nurse and so far it’s been very good. They arrive at 10pm and leave at 8am and just help if my dad wakes in the night.
However, it now seems that he can’t weight bear at all so the falling may be oddly less of an issue as soon I suspect he won’t be trying to walk at all.
This obviously brings new issues. Mum had the MacMillan nurses out yesterday giving him a blanket bath and they’ve left a commode. The house is not disability friendly. It’s a 500 year old cottage and the kitchen is a narrow galley kitchen and there isn’t enough room to manoeuvre a wheelchair around in the house, especially as his downstairs bed in the dining room kind of blocks the way that you would get through from the living room to the bathroom instead of going through the kitchen.

I have no idea even what he will do all day. He can’t just stay in bed surely, but he can’t get out of a living room chair and he does like to get out into the garden.

However, I feel it’s probably a moot point - he is deteriorating very quickly.

I’m glad you found a solution- though sorry you were awake at 3am!

It may be just one day at a time for now. Is he sleeping a lot? It is certainly possible to be in bed all day; is there space for your mum to sit with him?

It’s a strange stage of life and time passes very oddly. Hoping you have some support for you.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. Sounds like the night care nurses are a real help.

At this stage, the district nurses came out to wash Dad and put him in a chair in the morning and then help with self care and put him back to bed later in the day. They were part of the community palliative care team. Could that be an option? Dad had a bottle and a stoma, so didn't need to go to the loo, but they also helped with that. They were also responsive and quick - so maybe something to consider.

Yes, you definitely need a proper assessment but there are a couple of things you can do in the meantime. You can buy portable bed rails - it just slides under the mattress - quite cheaply. They don’t run the full length of the bed like a hospital rail but it might be enough of a barrier to prevent him falling out. And yes, a commode is going to be a better option than him trying to make his way to the loo. Or, if he’s waking up for a wee, a urine bottle might be a better option.

I’ve helped my dad with a lot of these things as his mobility is poor and I didn’t want him walking along the landing in the dark at night. Everything is self contained in the bedroom now. He has carers as well so they dispose of the commode/bottle first thing in the morning.

Thank you. I guess I still think he’s like “him” who would honestly hate just being stuck in a chair all day, but I guess at this stage of life, it’s just a case of keeping him as comfortable as possible. I’m hoping the nurses will come out and help my mum in the morning because she isn’t strong enough to hold him up at all. She had to get their neighbour and his 20 year old son to help get him up from the chair the other day and they said he was like a dead weight even though he’s incredibly light (and small, he’s only 5ft 7).

I know this is an awful thing to say but I think although I will be sad when he’s no longer on this earth, I’m going to be relieved that he’s free of this half life when he goes. I don’t want this for him and I do feel like there are some things worse than death, which I believe to be (in the paraphrased words of Jane Goodall) “either the next big adventure, or a lovely long nap”

I think that’s a very normal feeling, it’s not nice when people are suffering or even when they’re just “done”. Have been through this recently and it’s traumatic. Please take care and time for yourself as much as you can.

Oh my love. The way you’re feeling is completely normal and understandable. It’s just horrible to see someone you adore going through this.

From a practical perspective, if your dad can’t weight bare and needed two people to fully lift him from his chair, then it won’t be safe to get him out of bed into a wheelchair or commode unless you have a hoist. A hoist needs space to be used safely, it needs two people to operate, but also is not always appropriate if someone is very frail as the task hoisting can feel uncomfortable and disconcerting.
So, this may be the time to accept dad will now be cared for in bed full time from here on in. The palliative care team can help to advise / reassess and explain to you all how best to manage the next steps. Please do use his profiling bed to help move him to a more upright / sitting position to help with engagement, routine, eating and drinking assuming he can tolerate it.
Sending hugs

Tiny thing but if he needs a wee you can buy bottles on Amazon which might be useful for him? Sorry you’re going through all this.

Are you at all in touch with hospice/social services or any of the sort? If not try contact them, ask for a sensor pad for the bed, you can get ones that go under the mattress to alert when they leave the bed or one on the floor that alerts when their feet touch the mat. If he is mobile bed rails are more dangerous than not having them I’m afraid. You can also get room sensors that essentially point at him and will go off should he move around, I would recommend getting them loaned from somewhere like social services as they’re expensive.

DH uses a bottle at night. Game changer. No more falls on the stairs. We bought them off Amazon and they have luminous lids, so are easy to find in the dark!

Thank you. Yes there would be no room for a hoist in their house, and I think it would be distressing for him too.

Thanks for your help on this post. My dad died last night, he had a very peaceful passing with my mum there, she said he just looked in her eyes and stopped breathing. No distress, no pain. Grateful that I had 48 years with this brilliant man and he lived a full and exciting life.

Condolences to you and your mum. I'm glad it was peaceful and that you have happy memories of a wonderful man - father and husband.

Thank you

Do you have any contact with social care and/or palliative care? Both have OTs who would be able to help in this situation.
In England, an assessment and equipment is generally not means tested. Care is.
They could advise on the safety of rails or bumpers, hospital bed that lowers to the floor to reduce injury. Mats and sensors. There may well be options thst dont involve a carer watching himm

Oh christ im sorry for my post. I didnt see the update.
My condolences. So sorry.

So sorry for your loss

I'm sorry for your loss.

Sending kind thoughts.x

So sorry for your loss. Love to you and your mum. I'm glad to hear it was a peaceful end. Look after yourself in the next few days. X

So sorry for your loss- but glad to hear it was peaceful after such a difficult time.