Dad keeps falling out of bed

[Ozgirl76]

My mum is caring for my dad at home, he has terminal cancer. He is very very frail and weak and he has a bed downstairs. He has fallen out of this bed twice now (about a week apart). My mum is upstairs.
What have other people done in this situation? They have a ring camera but my mum says it goes off constantly because it activates every time he moves and she gets no sleep.

I feel like it’s time to pay a nurse to do the night shift just in case it happens again, and to give my mum peace of mind that she can sleep and know she’ll get a full night.

She seems a little reluctant and I wondered if there was a half way measure that anyone has found?

This ^
Also DM can contact Adult Social Services Dept at your local council to see what practical and financial help she can get. They can advise on financial assistance to pay for a p/t carer
DF needs a Care Plan in place, devised by a professional
Has DM got an Attendence Allowance in place ?

Google bed rails for the elderly - my dad has one because he sleeps so soundly he has fallen many times. He can still get in and out of bed when awake but no longer ends up on the floor - he fractured his spine one time.

I also agree about you needing to access the right support too. But I can't add anything there.

Thank you - I’m making notes on all of these excellent options.
Mum doesn’t want him to go to a hospice yet because the closest one is about a 45 minute drive away and although it’s excellent (my gran was in there), she says she’ll just have to be driving up and down and actually at home she can potter about while he sits or sleeps. The day is (so far) pretty fine, and they also have some lovely neighbours who can help in an emergency, it’s just sorting this night issue.
mum says that when she goes to bed she feels like she can finally go “ok im done for the day” and sleep after what is a pretty full on day, but if she has to wake up in the night a lot too, it will be too much for her.

In general I cannot actually see this being a huge problem for much longer. He is eating, I estimate, around 400 calories a day, is basically the thinnest I have ever seen a human outside a 1984 Band Aid video (sorry!) and is sleeping a LOT. Three weeks ago I was estimating he wouldn’t last the week yet the human body’s will to survive continues to prevail.
It won’t be the cancer that kills him, it’s the lack of food. Which is not a desperately bad thing as he has mesothelioma and the Sophie’s choice of starving to death or suffocating, I would probably choose starving.
Sorry to be bleak but it is a bleak outcome.
Fuck asbestos.

I’m so sorry, OP, this sounds so hard fit you and for your parents. In answer to your question about the palliative care team, I would say yes absolutely they should be your main team right now. They can then refer on to other teams as necessary and advise you who to contact as different issues arise.

Falling from the bed is a tricky issue when someone is frail and elderly. You say that he is trying to get himself up which is when he’s falling, but also that he’s very fatigued and maybe not quite “with it” overnight. Because of these factors, bed rails of any kind would be unsafe. He may try to get over / around them. If someone is severely underweight risk of entrapment is much higher. HCP’s have to do a really tight risk assessment when issuing any kind of bed rail and with what we know about your dad, the outcome if that would be rails being contraindicated.
Because he’s falling when trying to get up and out, a noodle or bolster under the edge would also not work. That works when someone is rolling when asleep but has full awareness it’s there plus the strength to navigate the “hump” when they want to get up.
The safest thing to do would be to replace his bed with a “floor bed” that lowers all the way to the floor and place a crash mat next to it. That way, the worse that can happen is he roles onto the mat. This is usually sorted out through OT and depending on the set up in your area could be based in the palliative care team, community nhs or social services.
The obvious issue with this is that it would prevent him from getting out of bed independently. Even if he could use the controls himself to raise the bed up, it’s bit safe for him to stand on the crash mat. So he’d need to use a urine bottle, or call for assistance at night (where an alarm or baby monitor can help)
If has full capacity and is adamant he wants to keep getting up at night time knowing all the risks then you may need to keep things as they are. Impressing on him the stress it’s causing your mum would be helpful in supporting him to make choices that are safer for him and her. Use of a floor bed is technically restraint so he either has to be onboard or deemed not to have capacity so then the decision to change the environment can be done in his best interests.
If he continues to be more active at night, be Mer confused, roll into the crash mat etc then yes you are probably at the stage where you need waking night care.

Sending hugs

I’ve recommended community palliative care team because this is their bread and butter, they do this all day every day, and they usually do a fast response and step back when things are stable again, which is what you need.

If your dad needs a hospice bed then it is likely the community palliative team would be the access point for that. But that would only be if his symptoms aren’t manageable at home, which I think in this case they probably would be. They’re also good at taking the partner’s needs into account.

If you want to PM me with the first section of your DF’s postcode I can have a look and see what seems to be around, but local services are always slightly different so you need to be in the system.

Ring your local council, explain the situation and ask about getting a fall alarm, he can wear it on his wrist or around his neck. They detect falls and can come out to help him up if needed or he can press the alarm which also goes through to their service. You can also ask the District Nurse to arrange an hospital bed. My Mum had a fall alarm, it was invaluable.

I really feel for you. McMillan may vary by area, but in my perssonal experience they haven't been useful; supposed to be available for my relative, in the way your dad needs, overnight, the nurse sat in the living room watching tv, and didn't hear him call, several times, we gave up after 2 nights and said we didn't need any more help. On a another occasion with my DM, they kept saying she wasn't unwell enough yet to help her - then 3 weeks after she died they rang me to ask why she hadn't answered her phone when they called to say they could now offer support...
I hope you have much better luck in getting support for your DM and DF.

Agree I have seen so many people injuring themselves or getting stuck on bed rails and being too delirious/demented to extricate themselves safely.

Please listen to the posters who have said no bed rails. They can be very dangerous for someone who is active enough to try to get out of bed.

Asking for the occupational therapist in the palliative care team maybe for the best. There are things such as low beds which go right down to the floor. You can also have falls sensors under the mattress which can alert another person to movement. Please do not use rails. The most likely thing is he will try and climb over them, increasing his risk of falls and injury. Also people can become entrapped in them and they can be wrongly used to keep someone in bed.

One option is to ask him if he's willing to have a bottle by the bed and/or pads, so he doesn't have to get out of bed at night. If he's able and willing to agree that, he'll be OK at night at least in the short term and your mum can sleep.

Well I saw them today and my mum has actually rung a care place (Bluebird Care, has anyone got feedback on these in the south of England?) to ask about paying for someone to come in overnight so that’s an excellent outcome.

I honestly don’t think any of the options are ideal and hopefully this is a good solution.

And I wanted to say, thank you so much for your support on this thread. I’ve been really feeling so stressed and alone about all this and this has helped.

A falls mat, as suggested by previous post, could alert your mum if he’s up and about. She would still have to get up to assist, so perhaps best to explore night care options. Hope you find something that works for him and her. Sending you a hug, it’s hard!

Try rolling a towel like a big sausage and put it under the mattress. This might just be a gentle enough lift to turn him back in to the bed. Assuming this is something he does whilst sleeping/moving around in bed.

I’ve heard quite good things about Bluebird. Hope it works. I would t expect perfection from any agency but communicate early if you’re not happy.

Check out Marie Curie nurses they provided some overnight for my Dad.
They were excellent 😀

Yes we don’t need perfection - we just need to know that someone kind will be there if he needs to get up in the night.
This is so shit! He ran a successful business, he raced cars, he had a boat, travelled, and now he’s this frail shell. I can’t bear to see him so diminished.

Of course you can’t OP. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to see the devastation an illness like this can cause. That independent adventurous spirit is still in there, I’m sure.

Bluebird have a good reputation. They’ve been around for a very long time and are one of the more collaborative agencies that I’ve had dealings with over the years. I’m really glad your mum is pulling in extra support xx