Car Seat in Minibus (Older Kid)

[BakerBop]

Looking some car seat advice please.

My daughter just turned 11yo and is small for her age. She’s moved groups for sports and dance and will be going in a minibus with other kids in the club each week. The club is great and they’ve checked her car seat fits in the minibus, know how to use it, etc. The problem is she’s begging me not to use it. She’s totally fine with it in my car, so it’s just being around other kids which is the problem because she’ll be the only kid in any sort of car seat (even including boosters). She’s nowhere near being able to be without it, so I’m just wondering what others have done or would suggest to help? Thx!

I'm very surprised the car seat will fit on a minibus seat - they are designed completely differently and generally much narrower. I would want to check for yourself that it fits, not trust someone else. However I agree with others that this is not necessary, the risks of accident and injury in minibuss are completely different from in a car.

At 11 there is a very real chance that the other children are going to make fun of her for being in a car seat, she knows this. In a lot of places it would be complete social suicide and there isn't anything you can do/say to prevent that.

If it's really a non-negotiable for you and there isn't another way of getting there then you're going to have to tell her she either goes in the car seat or she drops the club. Let her choose between the two options.

Thx. I was there and installed her seat to make sure it was all correct. I also got both of the staff who manage the minibus to install it and I was 100% satisfied they did it right and will do it right each time. Thx though! :)

She'll be made mincemeat of by her team mates if you enforce this, but it looks like you are intent on doing that anyway. Be ready for her to quit the club instead of meekly backing down and accepting the social suicide you are going to impose.

Is she at secondary school yet? I've never seen a single secondary school child still using a car seat. Even if she is still in year 6, she is on the cusp and very self aware.

I too was always quite the stickler for car safety but did understand that you can't necessarily enforce things to the same extent in public vehicles like minibuses, or coaches, or public transport buses.

Not a hill I would be prepared to die on. There is no way you will be able to get her to accept this without a huge struggle and a large degree of embarrassment for her. She will rail against it and I can understand that. There is no way round if you won't compromise.

My 8 year old is the same height. I wouldn’t make her go in a boost seat in a minibus.

I agree with other posters, you are going to make the poor girl give up sport.

suppose she’s still under 145 at 15- are you still sticking to your guns?

How is the car seat getting to the minibus and back home? Are you driving there with her, taking it from your car and installing? Is that causing delays or extra time to staff?

I know you understandably want your child to be as physically safe as possible but I think the likely scenario here is that she ends up quitting the club because of this humiliation.
And quite possibly telling her therapist all about it 10-20 years from now.

Is she rear facing too?

I'm a bit confused about what help you are seeking here. What do you mean "looking for strategies"
To my mind you have 2 choices, car seat v no car seat?
You are willing to die on that hill, so..........

My 11 yo was in a car seat in my car, but not on a group mini bus. Poor kid!
Are you going to send it on school trips too.

Bone density is also important which is why in Europe they recommend car seats to 150cm or 12 years old whichever comes first. At 11 years old with the added safety of a larger vehicle I would absolutely let my child go with no seat and I say that as a parent who still have their child in a car seat despite all his peers that I know of being out out their seats and backless boosters for some time now.

As far as strategies go I don't think there is one other that explaining to her why using a car seat is non negotiable for you as long as you are prepared to let her quit her club if using a car seat is non negotiable for her. Its her club and her social life thats being affected here.

My 36 year old friend is still short enough to still need a booster seat apparently. Whole family of tiny people. The car seat has to end at some point!

I'm using her second car seat from my other car. I take it to them beforehand and I'll install it and if not they will. It doesn't cause any delays. :)

I'm looking for thoughts on what others have done whose children were still in a car seat (or booster seat) when their peers weren't. What did they say, how did they explain things, what worked or didn't, how did they assuage their kid's anxiety/irritation, how long did it take for their kid to understand, etc. Thx :)

You're right - it ends when she has developed bones and can safely fit a seat belt. Neither of those things are true right now. Adults have those things, that's why the short adult vs. child comparison for car or booster seats is apples and oranges.

As far as strategies go I don't think there is one other that explaining to her why using a car seat is non negotiable for you.....

Bribery.

You're not going to get strategies because YABU.
You're arguing over 5cm on a teeny tiny risk.

Cut your kid some slack, and let her fit in.

There are battles to have, this isn't one of them.

Fwiw my limited experience is that children of this age forced to use a seat, don't go to the activity because they refuse to use the seat.

Thx. Bone development is one aspect which is why her car seat isn't negotiable. I get what you're saying about a larger vehicle, but a good seat belt fit - booster or not - is more important and she doesn't have that right now (with or without a booster). That means the only way she's safe is to have her in her car seat. I wish she didn't have to be but physics says she does and I know she's a lot safer in it (and she does too by the way which is part of the reason this is a struggle!).

You're right about explaining, but I'm really just wondering what others with older kids in car seats did to help their kid(s) understand why they had to be when their peers were no longer in car seats or booster seats. :)

Haha. Right now, I'm not ruling that out!! :)

The risk is all relative and only comes into play IF there's a crash. It's not like she has a 90% chance of dying with a seat and 20% without. She has to have a crash first which is pretty unlikely.

I have a similarly tiny 10 year old, she knows she still legally needs to use a car seat even though friends don’t, and I insist on her high back booster in our car but she uses a booster cushion elsewhere. We have an inflatable one ( mostly cause we needed to take it on a plane and train) which comes with a strap to fit the seatbelt through so it’s actually over her shoulders.
Saying that the one time she used the school minibus it didn’t even occur to me to have her use a car seat, I don’t think even the little ones do.

Unfortunately, there's not really any strategy that's likely to make an 11yo feel OK about being forced to do something they find humiliating, or ok with being teased.

What has changed that has made the minibus journey nessecery? Would it be possible for her to stay in the group that doesn't need to travel until she's a bit bigger? It might slow down her progress but possibly better then her quitting the sport entirely.

I think you're going to struggle to find anyone who can give you ideas because no one else would force this on their child....obviously safety is important but you need to weigh up the risks.

Your daughter will remember forever that you humiliated her in front of her peers

Thx. It's pretty much the same - in our cars she honestly don't care at all (she wasn't even fussed when I tried her in a booster a few times). The problem is just that she doesn't want to be in her seat when it's in the minibus.