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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Likely pancreatic cancer. How do I tell my mum that I'm probably dying from the same thing that killed my father?

981 replies

Earlandmrsgrey · 19/08/2025 20:33

As the title says. Been suffering with bowel problems/pain for sixth months. GP decides it must be IBS as bloods are fine, it's not coeliac disease and multiple fit test are negative. I'm not sure and carry on in more and more pain until I eventually feel a lump just under my ribs on the left. Have to wait ages to see another GP but he has a feel and sends a referral straight off for an urgent ultrasound. Ultrasound results show hydronephrosis of the left kidney with a possible tumour and more worrying of all is a mass in the tail of the pancreas.

I've not seen anyone else yet so still early on in the diagnosis but I know it's not good. I've been feeling more and more lethargic, I'm in more and more pain, my back is agony and I'm losing so much weight.

Fifteen years ago my beloved father had the same symptoms, he knew he was dying months before diagnosis and I was the only one who believed him. Eventually he got the diagnosis and lived for another fifteen days. I think I have longer than that as I'm still functioning fairly well but I know the outlook will be poor.

How do I tell my mother? I spoke to her a few weeks ago saying that I was unwell. All she could say was "please don't let it be the pancreas." I just want to protect her, that's who I am. Always the one to look out for others before herself. Then there is my husband who is not one to cope and then my young adult sons.

So sad.

OP posts:
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PerriDowton · 01/10/2025 21:36

Wish you strong and healthy. It's great to have support from family and colleagues. All the best. x

LunaTheCat · 02/10/2025 07:10

You are amazing OP… lots love and positive thoughts from New Zealand xx

Earlandmrsgrey · 02/10/2025 19:06

Home.

After a long persuasive discussion with one of my surgeons yesterday I decided to go home.

Felt every bump in the road as I've lost so much padding! Was a long and uncomfortable journey as sitting uses a lot of muscles that are currently still stapled together.

Another journey begins. Tonight I shall sleep in my own bed and from tomorrow I start trying to regain my former self...both inside and out. I might start on the outside with a whole tube of body moisturiser, I'm sooo dry! Then I'll add a few bits to the Ocado order and leave my DH and DS1 to do the rest.

OP posts:
Lougle · 02/10/2025 19:13

Earlandmrsgrey · 02/10/2025 19:06

Home.

After a long persuasive discussion with one of my surgeons yesterday I decided to go home.

Felt every bump in the road as I've lost so much padding! Was a long and uncomfortable journey as sitting uses a lot of muscles that are currently still stapled together.

Another journey begins. Tonight I shall sleep in my own bed and from tomorrow I start trying to regain my former self...both inside and out. I might start on the outside with a whole tube of body moisturiser, I'm sooo dry! Then I'll add a few bits to the Ocado order and leave my DH and DS1 to do the rest.

I'm very happy for you. I hope you get loads of sleep.

Iamnotalemming · 02/10/2025 19:21

Welcome home OP. Feet up, kettle on. Send your DH out for your favourite cake or biscuits.

NewAgeNewMe · 02/10/2025 19:24

Ahh that’s good you are back home, nothing like sleeping in your own bed x

TheRosesAreInBloom · 02/10/2025 19:27

Happy for you, enjoy your own space and recovery slowly, let them wait on you 😊 x

Typicalwave · 02/10/2025 19:38

Fantastic news OP. Hope you get lots of pampering

mechanicalpencil · 02/10/2025 19:47

Welcome home! 💫

RandomUsernameB · 02/10/2025 19:51

So glad to hear that you are home! Hope that your recovery continues to go smoothly. I'm sure being comfortable at home will help with that.

Abthdust · 02/10/2025 20:12

Own bed! Magic.

Jasminesmellingcandles · 02/10/2025 20:14

Have a wonderful rest OP, welcome back.

Tortielady · 02/10/2025 20:25

I'm pleased you are back home in your own space. Hospital wards aren't restful, even when you're there for something relatively minor. I hope you have a smooth recovery.

Beachtastic · 02/10/2025 20:28

Welcome home, OP 💗

As the Queen of Potions, I discovered this recently and can recommend it for horrendously dry skin

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07TVF92KV?ref=nb_sb_ss_w_as-reorder_k1_1_11&amp=&crid=2GYB50WHOPLM5&sprefix=dove%2Bproage&th=1

chatgptsbestmate · 02/10/2025 20:53

Oh my! I'm SOOOO happy to hear that you're home
Huge love to you ❤️

Lilactimes · 02/10/2025 21:01

Love that view from your window ! I had my DD in that hospital.
glad you’re home now and really wishing you a healthy and straightforward recovery ❤️

WhenIwasyoungersomuchyounger · 02/10/2025 21:12

So glad you got to go home, sending all best wishes for your continued recovery and hope you ordered all the nice things from Ocado! 🥰

PerriDowton · 02/10/2025 21:15

Home sweet home. A comfortable place and indulge in some pampering.
Happy for you. 🙂

GentleSheep · 02/10/2025 21:42

Wonderful to be home at last! Wishing you a speedy recovery. 🤗

YumYa · 02/10/2025 21:48

@Earlandmrsgrey that's great news. I hope you have a very restful sleep.

JurgenKloppsTeeth · 02/10/2025 21:57

That feeling of sinking back into your own pillows, familiar house noises, peace and quiet. Enjoy ❤️

WorstInvite · 02/10/2025 22:25

Earlandmrsgrey · 02/10/2025 19:06

Home.

After a long persuasive discussion with one of my surgeons yesterday I decided to go home.

Felt every bump in the road as I've lost so much padding! Was a long and uncomfortable journey as sitting uses a lot of muscles that are currently still stapled together.

Another journey begins. Tonight I shall sleep in my own bed and from tomorrow I start trying to regain my former self...both inside and out. I might start on the outside with a whole tube of body moisturiser, I'm sooo dry! Then I'll add a few bits to the Ocado order and leave my DH and DS1 to do the rest.

Glad you are home
xx

dotdotdotdash · 02/10/2025 22:33

Glad you’re home dear Mrs E

HazelBite · 03/10/2025 01:23

Enjoy. being home, indulge yourself, read, watch rubbish TV, whatever relaxes you and the only effort you have to make is to get better!

Thelosthalfathought · 03/10/2025 06:23

Hope you have slept well and been waited on like royalty