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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Mum has pain and a lump

143 replies

LookingForAHandHold · 06/12/2024 21:28

Hi everyone,

Just looking for a handhold really as my mum has given me devastating news tonight.

She's had pain in her breast for about two weeks now, she's gone to the doctor and while she can't feel a lump he's felt one and sent her on the two week wait pathway for a mammogram at the hospital.

I'm only in my 20s, I'm terrified and just want to cry. I can't lose my mum 💔 just looking for some reassurance or any positive stories really.

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Prettydisgustingactually · 12/12/2024 00:09

@LookingForAHandHold

Just come across your thread and wanted to say I hope everything went well with your mum.

I totally understand you thinking the absolute worst. I do this too, and nothing anyone says makes a difference. I always think the worst will happen in every situation.

Hoping your mum had good news today OP X

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 12/12/2024 00:12

I came back looking for news too. Hope it was an all clear!
Do try not to let your thoughts run away with you, it can be a worrying time.

TheFormidableMrsC · 12/12/2024 08:15

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 12/12/2024 00:12

I came back looking for news too. Hope it was an all clear!
Do try not to let your thoughts run away with you, it can be a worrying time.

I think the appointment is today. Wishing OP's mum lots of luck!

LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 08:22

Yes it's this afternoon. I feel quite positive this morning but I feel like it's one of those days where I'll be very distracted no matter what

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TheFormidableMrsC · 12/12/2024 09:51

LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 08:22

Yes it's this afternoon. I feel quite positive this morning but I feel like it's one of those days where I'll be very distracted no matter what

Good luck to Mum. I hope it turns out to be absolutely nothing! You're a lovely supportive daughter. She should be very proud of that.

Funnywonder · 12/12/2024 11:17

Hope all goes well for your mum. And for youFlowers

Angrymum22 · 12/12/2024 11:54

Ok, to start with yes pain is now seen as a possible symptom of breast cancer. Not common but it can be an early symptom in some types. It can also be a symptom of mastitis which is common even in non lactating women. Cysts can also present with pain.

Most women who are referred to the 2 week wait breast clinics do not have cancer.
Your DM’s GP has done the right thing by referring her but it doesn’t automatically mean she had cancer.

Please don’t take this the wrong way but as a recovered breast cancer patient it is really difficult when everyone around you is catastrophising while you are still waiting to go for your initial appointment.
I remember the look on people’s faces, the one where they are mentally choosing the outfit they will wear for your funeral. Please don’t be tempted to share your mums condition unless she is happy for you to do so. The last thing you want during the diagnosis phase is a bunch of well meaning cheerleaders telling you you’ll be ok, you’ve got it, you’re a warrior, you’re brave. It is probably the most scariest process I have ever been through and I am normally as strong as steel. No one, apart from your breast care team can tell you. So the less people that know at this stage the less stressed you feel.

Firstly, don’t mentally bury your mum, she’s not dead yet and breast cancer is both curable and treatable. Even if caught late the treatments available can extend life for decades.
Yes, it’s scary but if you’re going to get a cancer breast cancer is one of the better ones.
My sister had breast cancer at 34 and survived 22 yrs cancer free. Unfortunately she died at the end of October of pancreatic cancer, no link to her original breast cancer. The sad thing is if she had had a recurrence of the breast cancer she could have had another 10-15yrs using modern palliative drugs.

There are two bits of advice that I was given. Firstly cancer diagnosis and treatment is 90% waiting and 10% action/treatment. Secondly, what will be will be.

Finally, stay away from Google. It will not give you any answers that will help your anxiety or fear. Once your mum has been seen just be there for her.

There is a great support site on Facebook but it is for the patient not the family. Your mum may benefit if she is diagnosed but I just found it very scary until I knew I had cancer.
There may be sites for family but they don’t encourage non cancer sufferers on the main site because it can be upsetting for family to read about how we are actually feeling. We are often barely coping, and a lot of what is discussed we wouldn’t admit to family.

Angrymum22 · 12/12/2024 12:10

Just to add, my DS is 20, he was just about to turn 17 when I was diagnosed. Two months after I finished treatment my DH, his DF, had a stroke. So within six months he had to deal with both his parents face life threatening/changing conditions. It did affect his A levels, but he has learned to deal with serious stuff at an early age and is pretty rounded as a result.
His reaction was very practical, he did the shopping with me or for me, passed his driving test quickly so I didn’t have to do all the driving. Basically became a man.
He is now at uni and living his best life. Having to step up has made him much more independent.
It’s the little things that help. Doing stuff without being asked, such as loading and emptying dishwashers/washing machines. Help with food prep and if you are out checking if milk or bread is needed.
Even if your mum is fine maybe now is the time to start adulting.

LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 12:29

Angrymum22 · 12/12/2024 12:10

Just to add, my DS is 20, he was just about to turn 17 when I was diagnosed. Two months after I finished treatment my DH, his DF, had a stroke. So within six months he had to deal with both his parents face life threatening/changing conditions. It did affect his A levels, but he has learned to deal with serious stuff at an early age and is pretty rounded as a result.
His reaction was very practical, he did the shopping with me or for me, passed his driving test quickly so I didn’t have to do all the driving. Basically became a man.
He is now at uni and living his best life. Having to step up has made him much more independent.
It’s the little things that help. Doing stuff without being asked, such as loading and emptying dishwashers/washing machines. Help with food prep and if you are out checking if milk or bread is needed.
Even if your mum is fine maybe now is the time to start adulting.

I feel like this is a really harsh comment when you don't know a lot about my family circumstances- I do all of that already. I'm always checking if we need anything, do all the family laundry and dishes every night, cook meals twice a week and will often meal prep for the whole family of a weekend, when I'm not working I will drive my family to and from appointments etc

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LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 13:57

They've just left to the hospital, I feel sick. I might just take a nap, because this is going to be awful

OP posts:
LoremIpsumCici · 12/12/2024 14:01

A nap is a good idea. Helps the anxiety go away and your mood to reset.

LoremIpsumCici · 12/12/2024 14:04

LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 12:29

I feel like this is a really harsh comment when you don't know a lot about my family circumstances- I do all of that already. I'm always checking if we need anything, do all the family laundry and dishes every night, cook meals twice a week and will often meal prep for the whole family of a weekend, when I'm not working I will drive my family to and from appointments etc

The comment was a bit too much of the stiff upper lip and just carry on like tough old boot leather. You’re just reaching out for emotional support and it is good you aren’t asking it of your mum or dad as they have enough going on. That’s a pretty adult thing to do imho. You can’t help if you have anxiety and comparing you to others who don’t suffer from it is not productive. You need help coping, not judgement for who you are.

LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 14:11

@LoremIpsumCici id describe myself as an anxious doer. I'll do things, but I'll be anxious (and often torturing myself about it) while I'm doing it

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LoremIpsumCici · 12/12/2024 14:15

LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 14:11

@LoremIpsumCici id describe myself as an anxious doer. I'll do things, but I'll be anxious (and often torturing myself about it) while I'm doing it

Yes, I see you do a lot already. I thought the assumption you were not doing practical things was a bit unkind.

TheFormidableMrsC · 12/12/2024 14:18

LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 13:57

They've just left to the hospital, I feel sick. I might just take a nap, because this is going to be awful

You don't know it's going to be awful. Even if she is diagnosed with BC then she's got excellent treatment ahead of her. Try to stop torturing yourself about something you don't know yet. Keep busy or indeed nap, that's probably a good idea. Thinking of you!

LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 14:27

When I say this, I mean the waiting

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SnoopySantaPaws · 12/12/2024 14:31

Angrymum22 · 12/12/2024 12:10

Just to add, my DS is 20, he was just about to turn 17 when I was diagnosed. Two months after I finished treatment my DH, his DF, had a stroke. So within six months he had to deal with both his parents face life threatening/changing conditions. It did affect his A levels, but he has learned to deal with serious stuff at an early age and is pretty rounded as a result.
His reaction was very practical, he did the shopping with me or for me, passed his driving test quickly so I didn’t have to do all the driving. Basically became a man.
He is now at uni and living his best life. Having to step up has made him much more independent.
It’s the little things that help. Doing stuff without being asked, such as loading and emptying dishwashers/washing machines. Help with food prep and if you are out checking if milk or bread is needed.
Even if your mum is fine maybe now is the time to start adulting.

Your son sounds lovely & a real credit to you. 😍

SnoopySantaPaws · 12/12/2024 14:34

@LookingForAHandHold

i hope the news is the best possible for your Mum 🤗

DreamyJadeMoose · 12/12/2024 14:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

DreamyJadeMoose · 12/12/2024 14:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 14:46

I'm so anxious my belly hurts, I can't nap so I'm getting my steps in walking round the house (it's far too cold to go out!)

OP posts:
DreamyJadeMoose · 12/12/2024 14:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 15:00

She's being seen, none of us really know what the procedure is for this

I'll know straight after the appointment what's going on, if there's a text to the family chat to say all clear, it's good. If they say "wait until we get home", it's bad news

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LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 15:18

It's muscular

OP posts:
LookingForAHandHold · 12/12/2024 15:19

I'm sobbing, I'm so happy. The consultant thinks it's lingering pleurisy, she has her routine mammogram next week anyway, but he doubts anything will show on that

OP posts: