Mum has pain and a lump

[LookingForAHandHold]

Hi everyone,

Just looking for a handhold really as my mum has given me devastating news tonight.

She's had pain in her breast for about two weeks now, she's gone to the doctor and while she can't feel a lump he's felt one and sent her on the two week wait pathway for a mammogram at the hospital.

I'm only in my 20s, I'm terrified and just want to cry. I can't lose my mum 💔 just looking for some reassurance or any positive stories really.

Just me here to vent because I can't say any of this out loud to my family

I feel very normal today and feel guilty for feeling normal. If it is cancer, it's cancer and we will tackle it head on. I've already worked out how I'll speak to my job etc to accommodate it and how I'll help out round the house (childcare etc that my mum provides now) and what I'll do in terms of that. But I feel like im awful for thinking this way

You shouldn’t feel awful for feeling that way. It sounds like you are trying to think how you can help if your mum is diagnosed with cancer which is a really positive, caring, helpful way to think. It will be just what she needs (if it is) to have her family being strong and practical to help and support her.

And honestly, it is quite normal. 1 in 2 people in the UK get cancer. In my family Dad had it, lived into his 80s, Mum did (but died of something else in her 80s) and three siblings have had it (I’m late 50s) and are all living busy, normal healthy lives. I don’t know how old your gran was but if she was in her 80s, people who get to that age are frailer. Younger people (like your mum) are much more likely to live many years after diagnosis.

Thank you 🩷

I'm trying to separate the two out, these are two completely different situations and my rational mind knows this, but my anxious mind takes over sometimes

It’s really understandable that your anxious thoughts are there after the sad loss of your gran but it sounds like you are doing really well in being aware of where these thoughts are coming from and trying to replace them with more rational thoughts.

Trying to stay positive by throwing myself into work and not thinking about it

She's rewritten her will and not sleeping for worry now I feel like she's hidden how long this has been going on. I feel sick

Hi OP, my daughter was in the same position as you five years ago. Also early 20's. What I will say is that I did have pain and it's really important that the myth that pain is not cancer is addressed. My tumour was caught early but it did bloody hurt. It also doesn't mean for a minute your mum has cancer. A lump can be a number of things before cancer and 9/10 will be benign. There are things such a fibroadenomas and cysts, both of which are harmless and infection and abscess can also cause pain. Also hormonal lumps are very common and can also be painful!

The best thing is that your mum has been referred to the clinic and will be seen quickly. I know how scary it is but it could very well turn out to be nothing! Don't Google, none of it applies to your Mum. She will have a mammo and possibly an ultrasound and I hope you find out what you're dealing with asap. I and many others have been through this and recovered so don't wind yourself up. I wish you lots of luck 💐

I just feel sick. It's the fact we won't even know tomorrow

Good luck for your mum tomorrow. I've had to be referred 3 times now to the breast clinic for lumps, and I've had some that have come and gone in between. At 2 appointments they found cysts and another lumpy breast tissue. Everything was fine. Hopefully it'll all be fine for your mum too. You do usually find out there and then in the appointment. I was too young for a mammogram the last time I went as I was 39 but they did an ultrasound scan. It might be slightly different if it is cancer I would think they could see it on a scan or mammogram and say it's very likely but I would assume they'd confirm by taking a biopsy and results would probably take a few days. Fingers crossed everything's OK.

I just hate it. The fact that she's having to go through this, she doesn't deserve it. The thought of my mum not being here anymore kills me.

I'm worried she'll turn down treatment if it is cancer. I don’t know why, but I am. I'm worried she'll say she doesn't want to do it, she's only 61. I just can't deal with it.

It’s probably nothing.
Breast pain is not a common symptom of cancer and lumps are very often benign too. Try not to worry.

Why would she turn down treatment, if it was cancer?

@SuperfluousHen I don’t know , I really don't. But for some reason im convinced she will

Each time I've been to a breast clinic they've told me there and findings so hopefully you will have some answers tomorrow

That's not true. If they know it's a cyst or fibro they will tell you there and then. If they are unsure, it'll be a biopsy. Again, it's sometimes part of the procedure. I had to have a biopsy long before I was diagnosed and it turned out to be a fibroadenoma.

Where I live it’s a ‘one-stop’ clinic and they do everything at that appointment- examination, mammogram and if necessary ultrasound & biopsy etc. and can tell you straight away. I’d be surprised if your mum’s clinic was any different.
She’s going tomorrow, yes?

Yes, tomorrow afternoon

OP I am a mum and I have kids in their 20s and I have been seen twice on cancer pathways. My kids didn't know because I saw no need to worry them until we knew what we were dealing with. Which both times turned out to be not sinister.
So they never knew a thing. I do find it odd that your mum is laying so much at your door about how the doctor said its basically definitely cancer and how she might not want treatment etc. I know all families are different but that seems a bit odd and unfair to me, to frighten a young person for what is likely to be not a cancer diagnosis, or even if it is there will be a treatment plan.

Well, deep breath and try to let the worry go. You will know soon. Please come back and let us know too.
Best to you & your mum xx 🙏🏻

Just as an fyi you might not have it confirmed tomorrow either way. They might biopsy the lump and need to wait for the results to be sure either way.

@LookingForAHandHold You're catastrophising and it's not good for you or mum my love! Why on Earth would she turn down treatment? Treatments are amazing these days! Cure rates are high! I was diagnosed 3 days before the first lockdown. I was 50 and I had a 7 year old autistic son. My eldest was at uni. I had surgery and was home the same day. Six weeks later I had a course of radiotherapy and then four cycles of chemo. I walked to and from my treatments. I didn't lose my hair because I was able to use a cooling cap. I had to have year of immunotherapy which involved an injection once a week. It was all done and dusted in about 15 months. I remained well throughout and didn't have any side effects. It was not the worst thing that has ever happened to me, I promise you.

Whatever happens tomorrow, mum is in safe hands and will be just fine! Please try and get some rest and find a distraction for this evening ❤️💐

I've not told my mum a word of this, I promise

It's just today when I was chatting with my dad and he mentioned she's changed her will within the last 5 days, told him she's not sleeping because she's afraid of dying and starting writing instructions for when she dies. It's terrified me and now im worried this has been going on a lot longer, and she's very unwell

Well I don't think it's very fair to be saying that kind of thing to a very young person. It is bound to be terrifying you.

I think you need to tell him that you don't need to know everything. It shouldn't be your role at this point to manage your parents wellbeing or for them to unburden themselves of their deepest fears to you. Time enough for that if and when you find out what is going on.

I don’t know why he told me. I'm happy to support them but the waiting is killing me

OP I am undergoing treatment for breast cancer and I have a 23 year old daughter so I understand a little of what your family is going through. It is terrifying for everyone and the waiting is the hardest part.
Try to focus on what is happening and what is established fact rather than all the what ifs. It must have shocked you that your Nan passed so fast. Your Mum is a different person, a different age, different health and not even a diagnosis yet. Try to do things that feel normal to you. It is fine to laugh and forget about it at times. It will make you stronger to help your Mum if there is something.