No problem. Like you I was so wary of Tamoxifen because I struggled horribly with hormonal mood swings etc. At first I was actually fine, though I got the bloating and aching joints. But after 2 years I started to get UTIs and the symptoms of vaginal atrophy which was very uncomfortable. I powered on but by the end of the third year I'd had enough and stopped taking it.
I also did a lot of research into the actual real benefits of Tamoxifen. My oncologist had led me to believe that taking Tamoxifen would reduce my risk of reoccurance by 50%, which is technically true. And it sounds like A LOT of protection, right?
Except, in my circumstances, it was the difference between a 1% risk of reoccurance (without Tamoxifen) as opposed to a 0.5% risk of reoccurance (with Tamoxifen).
My oncologist was very reluctant to admit this to me, but in the end confirmed I was punishing my body with Tamoxifen (and the damage it does to your heart, increased risk of strokes, pulmonary embolism and uterine cancer etc) for a tiny 0.5% increase in protection.
So, it just simply wasn't worth it to me. Especially as heart disease & strokes are common in my family. Also, my MIL took Tamoxifen for 10 years and was cancer free for 28 years, but then died of a massive pulmonary embolism when she was only 74, having been perfectly fit and well otherwise.
Obviously do your own research and talk with your oncologist, but get them to be 100% transparent with you.