Cancer corkers - the crap things people say

[PaperbackWrighter]

I don't want to diss my lovely friends, family and acquaintances (too much!!) but I've collected a fair few cancer corkers in only about 7 weeks since diagnosis with breast cancer!! Wondering what others have heard... Here, I'll start us off...

[Friend week after my breast cancer diagnosis] "I'm doing the Zoe app and I've been reading about bowel cancer - weight loss is a major symptom. I think you need to get tested for bowel cancer too."

"Oh you poor thing. My partner died of lung cancer." [I have breast cancer!]

Day after MRI. "Haven't heard anything so assume no news isn't necessarily good news?"

"Stay positive." "Keep strong." "Take one day at a time."

I'm a grumpy old git but I had to get it out!!!

Regarding breast reconstruction after a mastectomy for breast cancer: "it's all cosmetic so I wouldn't bother."

@tothelefttotheleft yes I get that. I had no offers of help with kids/ cleaning. Occasional school run offer. That was it.

My neighbour makes me laugh. When I told her of my secondary diagnosis last November, the response was " oh you must come for coffee and see our new kitchen!"

And lots of stories about women in their 80s or with dementia who didn't need surgery or radiotherapy just tablets !!!

So maybe that's all I'd need !!

If it counts towards stupid things people say, I had several people ask if my mum had caught cancer from my dad as she passed so soon after him 🤔

@Enigma52

It's so weird isn't it.

One of my neighbours hasn't asked how I am during eight months of chemo. Not once. I just ignore them now. Not worth what may be my limited time. lol

It's ok they can just cut it off can't they (not when it's spread to my lymph nodes they can't)

@tothelefttotheleft good on you for ignoring them. My neighbours are so stuck up their own a**e that I couldn't care less now. Stuff the coffee!!

I hate -

1. being told to be positive ( you don’t say that to ms, stroke people etc

2. that I’m not going to die. Well actually I might!

3. that anyone could get run over by a bus tomorrow. When does that happen?! And the bus doesn't possibly stalk you and come back again......

@tothelefttotheleft - my mother put her foot in it every time she opened her mouth. She once greeted a friend of mine 'Haven't seen you for so long. Haven't you put on weight'.

4. Being told about every man and their dog they know who has died of cancer. I've had this so many times.

My SIL came to stay, when I told her about my diagnosis - Stage 3 BC - she started drinking and was totally pissed for 48 hours “because of this dreadful thing I put on her which she couldn’t cope with”.

When asked why I delayed renewing my driving licence and I answered that I waited until my hair re-grew, I was told I was vain (by an Ofsted inspector).

Exactly. The bus one REALLY drives me potty! Erm, how many people do you ACTUALLY know who have been run over by a bus? And if it wasn't successful the first time, did it head straight for you again? Urggh!

”I truly believe that you must have had some emotional trauma in your past to get cancer, what happened to you?”

“ffs does this mean we have to delay the launch”

5. That I just have to get through the treatment and then I'll be back to normal. I've had a lumpectomy that's left me with nerve damage and a disfigured boob. 8 months of chemo. I've got radiotherapy still to do and then infusion treatment.

My body has been put through hell. I'm not going to be the same person I was the day it finishes. Some things will never be the same and some will take months and months to heal and recover from.

"Chemotherapy is nothing these days, not nearly as bad as the tablets I have to take"

" Have you any idea how awful it is for me to have a daughter with cancer?"

"At least you'll lose some weight with the chemo"

"You really will have to stay positive or your DH will leave you"

All said by my darling mother

Yes the " back to normal" What a joke that is @tothelefttotheleft A numb disfigured " mass " for a boob. Scars on back and front. Scaring on hip ( womb sarcoma ) and even after all that, it's back again. Normal?? WTAF!!

"Oh, is the lump mm or cm?" from my nosy old bat of a selfish sister who was less than supportive, never visited etc., and who was just glad that it wasn't her.

@Enigma52

I think the back to normal attitude is cos they are bored by it all. Guess what?! Me too! But the least they can do is not show that!

Serious question: is there a right thing to say? Alot of these to me just seem like things people say to make others feel better, because they're not sure what else to say.

Jeez I think your mother is my sister (though she doesn't have kids so can't be)
I actually put on a stone and a half when I was on chemo, so... 😳

@tothelefttotheleft I know! It's very tough path to walk.

@Arcadia The most helpful thing people said to me was. I’m really sorry you’re having to go through this. If you need someone to take you to appointments I’ll come with you.

I hated all the be positive, you’re so strong, you look so well. Sometimes I’m pissed off, I’m really not that strong, I have no choice but to get up and carry on and I am seriously ill, no matter what I look like!

You don't really need to say anything other than acknowledge how shit it is and just listen.

Oh - and I forgot - you’ll be fine. My oncologist didn’t say that to me but random strangers seem to know!

Ive had several since being diagnosed this year with Cancer. "Its just a NICE little bit of chemo,wiped up and OK again. hmm from friend! Another friend : Oh well you may as well eat what u want! ( well yes but cant eat Undercooked meat.or pate or soft boiled eggs (Breakfast for years on end) and so on .Another friend explaining in detail how their wife died (different type of cancer) yet another wondering if I fancy cinema trip!( latest movie ) another friend explaining pics was packed! These are all good friends, and nothing meant unkindly but sometimes the less said and all that.