Can’t sleep,Possibly breast cancer and feeling frightened

[Rockschooldropout]

I’m 52 and on hrt so when I noticed my left breast felt a bit tender recently I put it down to hormones.Ive been a bit negligent with checking my boobs as I’ve had some heart issues and then my DDad died in April

However I noticed over the course of the last week , my left boob swelling before my eyes , the veins have become prominent and the side and nipple area became very tender . I managed to get a gp appointment this morning and after examining me she said she didn’t like the look of it as my skin is puckered and there’s an obvious quite large ill defined lump near my areola. She’s refered me on the 2 week pathway and I’ve made the mistake of falling down the Google hellhole of inflammatory cancer .
This evening DD came to give me a cuddle and rested her head on the side of my boob and it was painful - I’m not feeling very optimistic at the moment ..

@Rockschooldropout I'm really sorry to read this. Gah. along with @SparklingPinot that's 3 of us with DCIS and some measure of IDC. Like you, my tumour was twice the size and they've found more DCIS. I see my consultant today to discuss mastectomy/ implant, probably. Then chemo. I had my echo scan yesterday. We have a strong history of heart attacks and strokes in our family, which isn't filling me with joy for onward treatment.

I've not been brave enough to join the BCN threads, although have seen and mentally reserved them for the future (bad experiences really mess with my head and although I've got to be realistic, I'm trying to keep a calmer headspace right now). I will see you guys "over there" once I get going with mine.

Oh wow ! It’s looking like my surgery won’t be until October 😭😭😭- I’m so upset . I was diagnosed on 7th August , then had to have a further biopsy .
At yesterday’s appointment I was fully expecting to be given a surgery date but the consultant said I need to see the surgeon and that would be next week . The appointment has come through for two weeks time ! I rang the breast nurse and she said they are behind with appointments and that my surgery would be likely within a month of seeing the surgeon .. I’m furious .. 7th October will be eight weeks since my diagnosis !

@SparklingPinot - it seems to be the norm that when they operate they find the areas are larger, so I wouldn’t panic that it’s been growing like the clappers x

I agree - when they operated on me a month ago they found it to be 20mm not 14mm (ILC) and there were three more tiny lumps, 4mm, 3mm and 3mm - the first two were also ILC and the third was IDC. From what I'd read on mumsnet and other forums, seems very normal for lumps to be bigger, other BC types in there too etc. My surgeon said only inflammatory breast cancer grows quickly, all others v slowly.

It’s understandable if you aren’t ready to join BCN , any bad experiences can be triggering so I get it x
Ive been reassured that they monitor your heart closely and tailor chemo to suit , we will have echos along the way if any history or current diagnosis

when did you get your diagnosis ? I’m not happy with the delays .. I was diagnosed on 7th August but my appointment with the surgeon isn’t until 10th September and my cancer is her2 and high grade , I’ve just had a bit if a tearful meltdown as I was ready to be given a surgery date yesterday and it’s all too much . My poor 14 year dd has just given me a cuddle and is making me a cup of tea ..

Also agree re finding things are larger - wish I'd known about this! My scan showed the mass to be 1.9cm but the operation showed a 4cm lump in a 4.5cm long DCIS and with a further area of invasive cancer showing on the margins of the latest shave (2nd op).

I've been given the option of next Friday for a straightforward go flat with later reconstruction, or 20th September for mastectomy and immediate reconstruction. Then chemo. My head is whirling but I'm tending towards having a go at a reconstruction first as I think if I go flat I won't want to go back for reconstructive of whatever type.

@Rockschooldropout that is a frustrating wait. They seem to say that the lumps are growing slowly unless of a particular kind - certainly what one of my consultants had said to me when I was concerned about a delay for surgery.

God bless our support teams. I have had a couple of spectacular meltdowns and been scooped up by DH and also by a friend.

My diagnosis was back on 12th June, unofficially at my ultrasound and biopsy. Officially, it was given on 26th June by my surgeon with a date set. My first lumpectomy was 12th July, dad died 15th July (we made it in time), second lumpectomy 2nd August, dad's funeral 15th August, shite results on 21st August with another consultant as mine was on hols, consult with my own consultant 28th Aug. It's been a blast.

I've lost 8 1/2 lbs so far with stress (getting ahead before the steroids kick in).

I've got a little goodie bag going. So far with things like salted chocolate almonds and nice scented tealights. little things to give a lift.

@dancingwhilstfacingthemusic are they offering DIEP flap reconstruction ? It’s a longer surgery but I’ve heard the results are usually good .

my consultant said my cancer is high grade and it’s HER2 which is more aggressive a spreads quicker so my knickers are in a real twist!

@dancingwhilstfacingthemusic Honestly id be lost without DH and the kids , I couldn’t do this alone .

That sounds crap , she did offer me lumpectomy but said they’d be unlikely to get clear margins and they’d have to take a lot away , I couldn’t face that and just said get it off !

im so sorry you had to deal with losing your dad through all this as well , that’s just so cruel 😞 my own dad died of cancer in April and I’m struggling to get over it . That’s so awful for you when you are having to deal with a cancer diagnosis and then this on top .

I’ve yet to speak to someone who didn’t find they had a bigger initial cancer than thought so I’m fully expecting it , just another lovely curve ball to throw at us !

Without the macmillain booklet in front of me I can't say what it is called but they'll flap the skin on the breast and pop that round the implant when I go in for the mastectomy. This may be my preferred option and if it doesn't work then we'll have to reconsider.

Delayed, I would first go flat and they would then have to source the skin for the breast from elsewhere. My friend is having a flap taken from her back. Some have it from the thigh or stomach, with fatty cells also taken like liposuction to put into the breast.

Gawd, we are really dealing with a barrel of shite with losing our lovely dads as well. I'm grateful that I made it to his bedside in time but can't even begin to process losing him whilst I go through all this. At least he didn't have to see me going through it as he would have been so desperately sad about it all.

Have you had any thoughts about reconstruction?

I said the thing thing , I’m glad my poor dad didn’t have to see me go through this 😭

my hospital only offer implant reconstruction, so the appointment is to discuss that .. I’m on the fence as I’ll look weird with one perky tit and a normal 52 year old one ! I’ll hear them out first , she did say I could have symmetry surgery further down the line ….

Sorry to hear you found a lump too , fingers crossed all goes well at your appointment.
mum much further down the line now and have a breast cancer diagnosis x

My cancer was 3mm smaller after full histology results came in …..so don’t assume yours will automatically be larger. Once you get started you will feel much better….like you are actively doing something ……and have a bit of control…..I wish you well

Take time to think @Rockschooldropout if you’d asked me yesterday I would have been full on for going flat. Having had time to think about it, I really do like my boobs and would at least like to have a try at having an implant. Otherwise I’ll be flat for a long time and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I don’t want to make a rush decision that I’ll regret if it all comes off.

I would be furious too, I am very sorry to hear this. I would hope that she was being conservative & that the surgeon will check his / her diary then & make space. My experience was that there was an element of diary jiggery-pokery that went on with my surgeon.
I had no idea that there could be such differences between what was shown on a scan vs what was actually there! What I find really puzzling with modern science is that they don’t know how long the cancer has been there, that’s what I really want to know! I have pored thro my pathology report (I am that kind of person) & they literally slice the tumour into thin strips & test all of it! So you would think they would be able to give you an idea of the rough “age” of the cancer. I am overthinking because about 18 months ago I experienced fatigue & extreme weight loss, went to my GP & was told the fatigue was being a new (ish) mum & to consider myself lucky with the weight loss. Fast toward to May 2024 when I find a lump in my breast then turns out there are actually 2 & it’s in loads of lymph nodes. I can’t help but wonder. And I feel so angry like I need someone to blame. It’s such a headf* all of this

@SparklingPinot how dare the gp not take your weight loss seriously ! That’s absolutely disgusting ..
Id like to know how long it’s been there too as I’ve had weird stabby pains in my boob for about a year , I just thought it was hormonal .. sigh

breast nurse said things will move quickly after I see the surgeon .. so fingers crossed .. x

I think it’s easy to just say .. chop it off but realistically.. I’m a 42 E and I’m going to look very bizarre missing a boob . My consultant said .. “you’ll notice it , you’ll feel lopsided and can you really say that you will be happy to have nothing there “ she’s right .. I think I’d end up just feeling worse ..
like you .. I quite liked my boobs .. I’m just not sure how I’ll feel when one looks “un natural “

Totally agree and although I greatly respect my male consultant, no one quite sees it like a woman.
You’ve really helped a worried random person on the internet.

fingers crossed it goes off without a hitch , do you have a start date ?

I asked her what she would do if it was her .. and she said .. obviously I’m not you and every case is different but personally I’d have an implant

That’s a success story !
I did ask and they said no as there was nothing to suggest I’d get it in the other boob and they don’t like taking healthy breasts