Can’t sleep,Possibly breast cancer and feeling frightened

[Rockschooldropout]

I’m 52 and on hrt so when I noticed my left breast felt a bit tender recently I put it down to hormones.Ive been a bit negligent with checking my boobs as I’ve had some heart issues and then my DDad died in April

However I noticed over the course of the last week , my left boob swelling before my eyes , the veins have become prominent and the side and nipple area became very tender . I managed to get a gp appointment this morning and after examining me she said she didn’t like the look of it as my skin is puckered and there’s an obvious quite large ill defined lump near my areola. She’s refered me on the 2 week pathway and I’ve made the mistake of falling down the Google hellhole of inflammatory cancer .
This evening DD came to give me a cuddle and rested her head on the side of my boob and it was painful - I’m not feeling very optimistic at the moment ..

I’m sure that’s a really normal level of anxiety OP. It’s fine to cry and admit the fact you are frightened.

You will naturally limp along on a mixture of alternating fear and hope until you are at a stage of more knowledge and a plan. But try to remind yourself nonetheless that you don’t know the worst until you do know it. I’m going through something similar myself and there have been things I worried myself to the point of nausea about that then didn’t happen to be the case. Try to avoid wasted worry - but be kind to yourself when it happens, because we can’t be pragmatic all the time. We are a cocktail of pragmatism, logic and emotion and you will cycle through them all.

thinking of you. This is honestly the worst time, once you know the diagnosis and stage you can start to plan a bit and know what comes next.
i will say it does seem like a long process, tests, waiting for results, and then waiting for the next referral, however it does get easier and you kind of get used to the new norm.
I’ve had 2 ops now, and just waiting for results to know if I can move onto treatment next, and this has taken since mid March. Telling my 13 year old was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but we have all come to terms with it as a family and sometimes even forget about it now as we know there’s nothing we can do and we’re used to it.
do let your emotions out and remember it’s normal to have twinges. xx

It’s definitely a rollercoaster of emotions . I’m trying to keep busy as I can and I’m going to start doing some yoga just to try and calm my mind and body so I’m at least in a position to face the road ahead x

I’m sorry you are on this hideous ride too - I one hundred per cent agree it’s the not knowing and the constant limbo that makes it worse !
everything crossed that your results come back good and you can get your treatment plan too x It is a shitty time 😩

The waiting is horrendous. I had my delayed results yesterday and am going in for another op tomorrow to get better margins. The original biopsies had found no dcis but this was found from my lumpectomy, with a mass twice as big as shown on the ultrasound.

I think I’m heading towards chemo altho this will depend on what comes back on tissue sent to the USA for analysis. Praying for just radio but I think I’m kidding myself.
Keep going, everyone.

@Rockschooldropout What’s you’ve described happened to my aunt almost exactly, she was 45 when diagnosed with IBC and chose a mastectomy. Worked until she retired and recently died at the age of 88! In a way, you’re going through the worst part of waiting for the treatment plan and next steps / goals now. Hang in there and hugs.

wow !Thats so good to hear she lived a long life afterwards x

That’s frustrating 😩 I’m seeing a lot if this where lumpectomy seems to reveal cancer is larger , I suppose at the end of the day ultrasound etc isn’t an exact science , I was told from scans one of my sons would be 7 lb and he was nearly ten !
I think my cancer must be hiding well in amongst all the calcifications , the bastard .

Good luck with the op tomorrow and fingers crossed for clear margins x

@Rockschooldropout thankyou. The information that’s what is happening is “normal” in what is an abnormal and worrying situation is strangely comforting.

hope you soon have the next stage in answers. I’m learning that there is no quick cut and dried stage for planning!

This amused me today. Hope it brings a wry smile to others.

Hi @Rockschooldropout came across this thread & just wanted to say I’m in a similar position, maybe 6 x weeks or so ahead of you. My experience was the same, 2 x sets of abnormal calcifications + enlarged lymph nodes…fast forward 6 x weeks & I am recovering from a single mastectomy + removal of the lymph nodes under the affected arm. I can’t say it was pleasant but it’s been 2 x weeks & I’m resuming more & more of my daily activities as the days go by. Once you know what you are dealing with everything will become way easier & you’ll be able to focus on your treatment & moving forward. I read loads of things when I was where you are about the waiting being the worst & it’s really true

Op done, home and resting and full of awe for our nhs. The wait continues. Sending hopeful wishes to all else in the thread.

Sorry you are this rollercoaster ride too 😩 What type did they diagnose you with ? I take it they haven’t decided on what treatment is next yet ?
Have you had a reconstruction as well ?

How are you feeling ? How long were you in ?

For the first one I should have been a day case but bruised badly - it’s my special skill! They were cautious in case it was a clot so kept me in overnight.

Yesterday’s was three weeks on from that. I went to the day unit at 12 and was home at 8pm.

they needed to excise a bigger margin as although they felt they had all of the dodgy area they had only managed 1/2mm margin and needed at least 1mm.
Up and about gently today with lots of rests.

I’ve PMd you rather than the essay I initially typed out here 😂

Ouch !
I usually bruise due to blood thinners but I guess they’ll take me off them .
there is nothing better than your own bed - fingers crossed for clear margins and no more surgery x

Well they’ve brought my appointment forward to tomorrow so by lunchtime I’ll know what I’m dealing with .. The breast nurse rang and asked me to make sure I wasn’t alone .. so you know when they are going to be delivering bad news

Thinking of you. At least this time tomorrow you'll know what you're dealing with and can make a plan.

Sending hugs, will be thinking of you 🥰

Will be thinking of you. As others have said, at least you’ll have next steps and there is plenty of support here.

OP I wouldn't read too much into the having someone with you comment. They are giving you a full cancer diagnoses - however progressive or otherwise - and they are going to start talking to you about treatment and next steps. It stands to reason that you shouldn't be alone.

I'll be thinking of you.

I forgot to reply to this but it did give me a giggle 🤣

@Bemusedandconfusedagain @Panda8383

Thank you x I know that at least I’ll know what I’m dealing with but at the same time , I’m terrified to hear what it is - I’m petrified

Deep breaths .. I don’t want to hear what they are going to tell me but I’ve got to put my big girl pants on , at least I haven’t got to wait until next Monday