Can’t sleep,Possibly breast cancer and feeling frightened

[Rockschooldropout]

I’m 52 and on hrt so when I noticed my left breast felt a bit tender recently I put it down to hormones.Ive been a bit negligent with checking my boobs as I’ve had some heart issues and then my DDad died in April

However I noticed over the course of the last week , my left boob swelling before my eyes , the veins have become prominent and the side and nipple area became very tender . I managed to get a gp appointment this morning and after examining me she said she didn’t like the look of it as my skin is puckered and there’s an obvious quite large ill defined lump near my areola. She’s refered me on the 2 week pathway and I’ve made the mistake of falling down the Google hellhole of inflammatory cancer .
This evening DD came to give me a cuddle and rested her head on the side of my boob and it was painful - I’m not feeling very optimistic at the moment ..

@Rockschooldropout
meant to say - totally agree about telling children when you have more information. This has worked for me so far. Mumsnet has been incredibly supportive - am sure you will be supported here xx

OP I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.
I was diagnosed in April this year with triple positive early stages. So far I've had a lumpectomy, and further surgery to get clear margins. I will say what you're going through at the moment is the worst time, once you know the details and have a plan it all becomes much easier.
I know it's hard to stay away from google but do try as it can send you down some dark holes which I've gone down.
I would say just try and do all the fun things you can. I've had 2 holidays cancelled just because of the timings of surgeries but am working round it and just trying to fit in what I can.
I'm now just waiting for results again and then should be treatment after that.
I told my 13 year old quite quickly, it fell in Easter holidays and we thought we'd tell her then so she's have time to take it in before going back to school.
Wishing you all the best xx

Sending you lots of love for a speedy treatment and recovery. I’m glad the team were so helpful, I hope you get your results and a clear plan soon. You sound very strong, be kind to yourself.

Well I’ve just had my appointment for my results - it’s 20 days from my biopsies 12th August , that seems a really long time but I’m worried that’s more likely to mean it’s just awful news
typically I had booked three days away to visit my mum 4 hours away so I’ve just had to cancel the air bnb and lost half my money .. ughh

@Rockschooldropout I'm not trying to give you false hope at all, but I'd say the quicker you're called in for results the worse they are. Although the biopsy might take time and it be a set amount of time until the results are available, I don't know though.

I doubt they’d know at this point though ? I think the appointments are made by the central booking system so they’ll just have booked in an appointment as close to 14 days as possible . The breast nurse said booking team would send an appointment. The clinics don’t make their own appointments so they’ve obviously just requested an appointment be made for around then which is annoying because if it’s cancer which they say it is this is delaying my treatment 😩

I am so sorry to read what you are going through.I can imagine this is such an anxious and upsetting wait for answers. I am hoping you receive the best possible news . In the meantime, try to keep busy however easier said than done I know.

@Rockschooldropout I totally get this. It could be a capacity issue in the system. I was supposed to get the results of the tissue analysis from my lumpectomy and node biopsy on Weds - a bigger deal to me than the actual operation. However, it was cancelled last minute as they hadn’t got the info back from the lab. I’m having to wait an extra week - you can imagine!

hopefully that timescale allows all of the information to be processed so that they can give you the next steps for your plan.

@Rockschooldropout Hope you're doing ok. Just to say I've been in for a review of my stitches and my team tell me that for our hospital (in the NW) the histology service are taking about 3 weeks. Not great when we're all waiting for results so that we can plan our lives.

Hope you're managing to keep busy.

@dancingwhilstfacingthemusic

Im so sorry , it’s so frustrating when you just want to know what treatment is next and when , it leaves you hanging in limbo 😩

Im just worried that if it’s an aggressive or invasive cancer , three weeks seems ridiculous to wait for my results and I’m worried it will impact on how soon I start my treatment - interesting about the delays , I’m in the S West but I guess there could be issues here too

We are currently away as I’d booked a short family break a while back before all this happened .

Trying my best to put a brave face on and enjoy the holiday but just feel constantly terrified and my stomach churns every time I wake up . Trying to imagine in my head how I’m going to tell my 14 year old dd that I have cancer .
It’s clearly not an early stage one as my lymph node looked suspicious too , I imagine I’m looking at chemo without a doubt .
Im self employed and trying to work out what bookings I should cancel is hard , I just don’t know what treatment I’ll be having or when they will start it . Today feels a bit bleak , my mind is running away with me wondering what the next few months will hold

Well one thing they will hold is that in a few months they will be over. I always tell my dc that- admittedly usually when it’s the next day they are worried about- but it seems to help to know that a trying time has an end point. You will find out if you need treatment, if so you will have it, and the most likely outcome is you will be posting handholds on here at some point in the future saying “it’s a rough time but you will get through it like I did. “

… I mean that’s a very detached way of looking at it and there will naturally be moments you can’t stay in that mindset..I absolutely know that stomach churning on waking - that moment of re-orienting yourself in what you are going through - and it is hard. But try to be in the detached, pragmatic zone as much as you can. If things have to be got through, they have to be got through. And you can do this.,

So sorry to read your update. It sounds like you’re dealing with it all brilliantly 🌷

I’d been fairly ok since my appointment, telling myself if I’m lucky it’s early with it being areas of calcification they are suspicious, but then I’m thinking if it’s already in my lymph nodes , which it looks like and I had clear symptoms , then that’s not good and it’s most likely invasive , I’m terrified at the thought of chemo and also terrified that it could have spread 😩

I know it’s definitely cancer as they said it was , and then had the breast nurse counsel me . I’ve got so much I want to do with my life , I’m not ready to go yet

Exactly that - when I first wake up everything is normal , then I remember I have cancer and suddenly I feel terrified

Im almost at the end of my chemo and about to have a mastectomy

Honestly ive sailed through chemo. It really isnt what i expected. Ive never felt sick ive had the odd day of tiredness but thats all.

Ive coped with it all by not giving it headspace at all and honestly i dont think about it.

Time flies by and now i can see the end point. Youve got this

Glad you’re getting a break @Rockschooldropout I had a couple around various procedures and was glad to go - good distraction but never far from my mind.
They’ve told me that they’re trying to fast track my results as in the whole scheme of the universe, a very close relative died just as I got out of hospital. I made it in time but safe to say it’s not a summer I want to remember. We are busy organising the funeral - not the distraction I needed!
I’m also self employed so I totally understand where you’re at. Knowing there will be an end point after treatment is encouraging and we will rebuild, although it can feel overwhelming at times.

@Maddy70 that is encouraging. I hope the end point soon comes and I wish you long and good health after this “interruption to normal service” that we are sharing with you.

I'm crossing my fingers for you OP. Positives - if it's not inflammatory breast cancer, it may not turn out as bad as you think. Whatever the lymph node comes back as, you will know by the results stage, whereas often you have a long wait till surgery to find that out.
Length of time till appointment is purely organisational and reading meaning into it isn't helpful. I've got ( had maybe?) a grade 1, results meeting was 5 days after my biopsy was taken - very speedy - they even had the Her2 result that often takes longer to process ( it was positive, so that's a concern). I had further biopsies taken 4 days before my surgery ( that they rushed to the lab as could of affected surgery plan) had a 3 day wait for that ( all negative, the sonographer I saw on that particular day was nuts, doesn't work for the trust anymore and put me through hell for nothing - that's a whole other surreal story that would be better on the feminist gender threads, I kid you not).
Someone at work, who should of known better ( had been a palliative care nurse) told me I was 'brave'. In my mind I wanted to slap her for her clichéd false positivity. Instead, I said " bravery doesn't come into it, it is what it is and just have to take it as it comes". Sorry but I balk at the word.
Anyway, useful positivity for me is dealing with the facts as they arise, don't panic about what you don't know ( difficult when got symptoms).
I didn't tell DS until I was armed with results and a plan. You know you'll get questions and you don't want to have to say " I don't know" at the time in response. I would think most mothers wait till they know what they are dealing with before saying to their DC's. We know that the in between wait is the hardest and most worrying, so there's no point giving your DC's that same worry when non of you can do a damn thing about it meantime. Glad you have a supportive DH - go you and your toyboy, I'm still living in hope at 53. On the plus side, I will be chosing wiser in the future, which is a good thing, when I think of the men I've bothered dating over the last 10 years, I would have wanted non of them by my side in this, says a lot that. Only special people will be considered now I'm older and wiser.

That’s a positive experience! I’m so glad it hasn’t been too bad for you x
DM was equally lucky enough to get away with just some tiredness with her chemo .
I think the big worry for me is I was recently diagnosed with a serious heart issue and I’m not sure my heart will cope . No use zapping my cancer if I end up with heart failure 🙈

@dancingwhilstfacingthemusic Im sorry you’ve had to go through a loss as well as cancer , it’s most definitely not the distraction you wanted 😔
Dad died in April of cancer and I’m still sorting his house out , that will have to go on hold now but at least I’ve managed to get probate applied for (I’m the sole executor )

You don’t have to think about going. You just have some treatment to get through; that’s all you need to focus on. 💐

I guess that’s the way to
loom at it .. the road looks long and steep though 😩

Thinking of you so much. This is a very frightening time for you whatever approach you take. It's hard to be strong all the time. Allow yourself some time of grief and worry then try to pick yourself back up again. Holding back on emotion is not healthy xxx

Thank you x
Ive done quite a bit of crying (in private ) the worst bit is not knowing what type /stage/grade etc - I e convinced myself that every little twinge is a sign it’s spread and my diagnosis is going to be gloomy