Bullying by a child with SEN

[Justwhy2]

My child is experiencing issues in primary school - hitting, kicking, name calling, spreading rumours. In my view it is bullying. The child involved has special educational needs, and a full time classroom assistant.

The school have taken measures to increase supervision of the other child, however they have not imposed any consequences for the incidents that have happened to date. They are also now saying that it is "more 2 sided than I realise," however they have not provided me with any evidence of this. I suspect they are going on what the other child's parents are saying, however the other child has been exposed telling lies on at least 2 occasions.

I understand the complexities of the situation, however surely hitting and kicking can't be ignored just because a child has special educational needs? My child is very aware that if they were to behave this way in school there would be consequences?

It is leaving my child feeling very unsupported. I suppose my question is am I being unreasonable to call this bullying? Has anyone been in this situation, or worked in a school where this has happened, and can advise me on what would be reasonable action from the school in the circumstances?

No, you're not being unreasonable. Another child's needs does not trump your child's right to be safe. The school needs to increase supervision.
The consequences aspect depends on the level of SEN I think. Assuming the consequence is to help teach the child not to repeat the behaviour, then there's no point creating a punishment for punishments sake if it's not going to be effective.

This is my thinking, thank you.

Where’s the 1:1 when this child is assaulting yours?

You are not being unreasonable to think that this is bullying and to think that your child should be protected from this. Keep a diary of incidents and keep reporting them.

You are possibly being unreasonable to think there should be consequences (of the kind you would give your child) depending on the degree of SEN. Keep focusing on your child and don't mention consequences for the other child.

I wonder if the teacher is doing all they can do, and is at just as much of a loss as you are? Teacher might benefit from you reporting to head to get more classroom support.
I’ve seen a couple of children in my child’s year who ‘should’ have 1:1’s and are allocated the funding, but they can’t recruit, and so the 1:1’s are shared in class.

sorry to hear your little one is on the receiving end.

It doesn’t matter that the child has SEN. Your child shouldn’t be bullied and needs to feel safe at school. The school is not doing enough. If it’s “more one sided than they initially realised” it might be that your child has got totally fed up with being bullied and lashed out which would not be surprising if it’s not been dealt with. Who are you dealing with? Perhaps raise it higher with the Head of it’s not been dealt with.

Your child should be safe in school and should feel safe there. Do ask the school what is being done to safeguard your son BUT you should concentrate on your son and his education and safety.

Consequences for the other child are none of your, or your son's business

Thanks everyone. I have pointed out that this shouldn't be happening with a 1-1 there, and that has been taken on board.

I have started putting my concerns in writing, so it is now with the head. However the first email from them didn't even acknowledge the 3 incidents of hitting and kicking that I had reported in the space of just 1 week.

There is a meeting scheduled for the end of the month, I am now just trying to get a clear idea of what I can reasonably expect

I don't expect the same consequences as there would be for my child, however surely there has to be something? Would I really be unreasonable to voice that? It is one of the things that really upsets my daughter, as she has a strong sense of fairness. Especially because the other child received a sanction for pushing a member of staff, but absolutely nothing has been done when she has been repeatedly hit and kicked. It hasn't even been acknowledged.

A few thoughts. Whether it is bullying in the true sense depends on whether this child is targeting your child or simply behaving aggressively without a particular target. Neither is acceptable but the emphasis will be different.

I wouldn't get caught up with the other child. Schools won't discuss it. Focus on your child. So 'my child was hurt' not 'x hurt my child'. The school will likely know what happened so pointing it out isn't necessary.

Don't ask what they are going to do to stop X from hurting your child, or how they'll supervise them. Ask what they are going to do to ensure that your child doesn't get hurt at school.

Are you invited to this meeting? Is it being held to discuss your concerns about your own child?
Keep putting the emphasis on your child's safety and need for a calm safe space to learn.

Insist that there must be effective supervision, including in the playground, even if that means that a different member of staff has to be involved so that the 1-1 TA can have the break they are entitled to take.
Make sure that you are aware of the school complaints policy and be prepared to follow the process if necessary.
I wouldn't use the term 'bullying' with your DD, or in the meeting, depending on the nature of the SEND, it might be that there is no bad intent on the part of the other child.

I had this with my dd, who was 10 at the time, it was day in, day out- pushing her, ramming chairs into her, swearing and calling her names and much more I was constantly on the phone to the school and sending emails. This child was on a limited timetable and was meant to be always supervised but still was always unsupervised to be able to hurt my dd. In the end I snapped after a teacher told my dd this child had ‘behaviour issues’ as an excuse for it after she rammed her into a corner of a table and really hurt her! I told them I wasn’t going to send my dd to school if they couldn’t guarantee her safety, I wasn’t sending her somewhere to be abused and whilst I understood this child had diagnosed adhd, it wasn’t my child’s cross to bear. Amazingly they did somehow then manage to keep her away from dd but only after it had being going on for weeks and I REALLY lost it with them!

I have requested the meeting as they haven't addressed my written concerns about my child's safety.

I don't use the term bullying when talking to my child, but I have in my communication with the school - the reason being that while some of the behaviour could be due to issues with impulse control, some of it has been more manipulative, intended to harm my child's relationships with others. But I have read the school's anti bullying policy, and I know they are unlikely to treat it as bullying.

I am glad you got it sorted, but isn't it awful that you have to lose it to get anywhere!

I think this is sadly quite common , my neice has been repeatedly targated by a SEN girl in her class, my sister has thankfully moved her to a different primary school. The school were woeful in their handling

I take it the other child has an ehc plan - if so the school is named on the ehc and the school will keep him there regardless, until they tell the LA they can't meet his needs and has to change school. And tbh they are unlikely to do that. A 1 to 1 TA is gold dust for a school. Even if the TA is dedicated to the child, they can often be useful to the school in other ways.

Anyway, is the child supported by the TA at breaks? Often they are not and that's where the trouble is worst.

It is incredibly unusual to get funding for all day at school and if there is no funding for breaks, there will be no supervision.

I sympathise. My younger daughter was on the receiving end of a lot of frustration from a girl in her year at primary school. School said the right things but did nothing. It was always at breaks.

My other daughter went to a different school and they had a boy there who had total 1vto 1 supervision for the entire day. This is probably what the child hurting yours needs.

To be fair to the school, it isn't this simple. Even if they say that can't meet need, they can be directed to keep the child and do better.

That's true. The local secondary school said they couldn't meet my dc's needs but the LA named them on his ehcp anyway.

Please be aware the real issue here is funding, not the school failing to do their job properly. The reality is there isn’t enough money to fund the necessary staffing to keep children safe in primary schools any more, given the increase in complex SEN in every classroom. Most EHCPs will not fund a full time 1:1, for example. Also, you have to accept there will be times in the day when children are unsupervised, eg cloakroom getting coats on. An adult will be around but not having eyes on all 30 children, that is impossible.

if the incidents happen during transition times the risk can be mitigated by remind a child earlier than their peers, this would be a good compromise

If the child has 1:1 what would more funding do? 2:1? Not reasonable use of funds.

@Justwhy2 The first thing to understand is that the school has a duty to keep your child safe. This isn’t about safeguarding but they are responsible for ensuring she is not harmed. She is being harmed. Physically and mentally in that she’s unhappy about being targeted. So start with that premise.

Bullying is a repeated action targeting another child. It’s not necessarily violence but it is repeated “stirring” and manipulation of friendships. So I’d look at the policy again and highlight relevant parts. See the attached for my local infants school.

There are instances you describe that are clearly bullying. You won’t get another child punished. You should expect action to minimise or stop this behaviour. The school should explain how they will do this. It’s not acceptable to victim blame - how is your DD involved?

Friendships with girls can be tricky. You do need to evaluate what the dynamics are between the friends. Be honest about this because the school cannot make dc friendly. What they can do is help dc understand being tolerant, friendly and kind. Ask what they are doing to promote these things in order to prevent bullying.

Make sure you keep the discussion to your DD and the responsibility of the school towards her. It’s reasonable to ask what they are going to do to stop the violent behaviour and bullying.

Often 1:1 is only funded for 23.5 or 25 hours per week, but the school week is 32 hours, so free time is not covered with 1:1. If a child needs 1:1 at all times, you need more staff to cover staff breaks, loo breaks, etc.

That can be funded. Or the school have to allocate a midday supervisor and keep a very close eye. I have actually seen heads do it. The school has to make a case for 30 hours. However they still need to ensure the DD here is not hurt or bullied.

I would say:

1. keep it to very factual

2. say everything from your child's point of view

3. don't use the phrase bullying at all

4. You talk about "hitting, kicking, name calling, spreading rumours". Your child should NOT be on the receiving end of ANY of these things in school, and if she is the school are failing to safe guard her wellbeing.

5. Your child's point of view matters. Say what your child feels she is experiencing and why it makes her unhappy. The school need to make sure she isn't experiencing those things, so unless they can prove she is lying, they need to change the situation.

6. Don't use the word bullying - "bullying" - is about purpose and intent. If I bully you, I say, do or write something with the INTENT of harming you in some way whether minorly or majorly. Using the term gives the school leverage to draw you in to an argument about whether the child IS, in fact, bullying. Which school can fairly easily shut down with something about not being certain that she is bullying, and not being able to share the child's information with you. All that's irrelevant, the school needs to protect your child from harm even if the other child is of low level understanding and oblivious to the pain they are causing.

@stichguru if op quoted the anti bullying policy (and she should) it’s difficult to avoid calling this bullying. @Justwhy2 Any update? Why is the meeting taking so long to happen?

Hi, the meeting isn't until the end of the month. It is half term here, and also the school want to assess the impact of increased supervision, and probably hope that I will leave it if that is helping...........I will however still be asking them to address the lack of support for my child, the suggestion that this is 2 sided, and a couple of other issues that have come up along the way. I obviously will be very happy if the behaviour has stopped, but there has been harm done to my daughter that has been compounded by their actions (or lack of action) and that needs to be recognised and prevented in future.