Bullying by a child with SEN

[Justwhy2]

My child is experiencing issues in primary school - hitting, kicking, name calling, spreading rumours. In my view it is bullying. The child involved has special educational needs, and a full time classroom assistant.

The school have taken measures to increase supervision of the other child, however they have not imposed any consequences for the incidents that have happened to date. They are also now saying that it is "more 2 sided than I realise," however they have not provided me with any evidence of this. I suspect they are going on what the other child's parents are saying, however the other child has been exposed telling lies on at least 2 occasions.

I understand the complexities of the situation, however surely hitting and kicking can't be ignored just because a child has special educational needs? My child is very aware that if they were to behave this way in school there would be consequences?

It is leaving my child feeling very unsupported. I suppose my question is am I being unreasonable to call this bullying? Has anyone been in this situation, or worked in a school where this has happened, and can advise me on what would be reasonable action from the school in the circumstances?

My daughter was like a fish out of water at primary school. She has a moderate learning disability but policy in our LA was/is inclusion in mainstream but a specialist mld school for secondary.

So we were completely stuck. She was given a 1 to 1 TA for all teaching hours, but this left lunch and breaks.

She wasn't violent but I think she was annoying to the other children as she couldn't join in games like the others. She sat on her own a lot - it was pretty awful tbh and I ended up bringing her home for lunch.

School tried to help but they simply didn't have the funding to have someone help her. She used to wet herself simply because the nice ladies in the office would then pay her attention and help her get changed.

At one point the school gave her a bag of games and books at her level which they hoped other children could play with her. I then got phone calls from two parents in her class complaining, saying that no way were their children doing this!

It was a horrible time. My daughter is an adult now and she can hardly bear to walk past that school.

I think the best way to see situations like the OP's as starting from the fact that local authorities insist on inclusion then do little to support it. The idea that the local community will be helpful to the child and his/her parents was not my experience, so it was a solitary, distressing time for both of us.

The parents of the other child might be desperate to move their child to more appropriate provision or to get break time cover.

My advice is to put everything in writing and keep pushing for proper support for this child.

And posters who suggest their child would punch another child in the face are being horrible.

YANBU to not want your child to be assaulted, and to demand clear action from the school to prevent this.
YABVU to expect to have information about punishment, or lack of.

Your best plan of action is to focus on your child, their safety, and what school are going to do to uphold your child's right (UNCRC article 19) to be protected from all firms of harm and abuse.

The other child and their needs are not your concern. You put all of the focus on the adults in the school failing in their responsibility to keep all children, including your child, safe and demand to know what they are going to do to ensure your child's safety, including their feeling emotionally safe, going forward.

Continue to put everything in writing. If they respond verbally, send an email confirming what they've said to you to keep a tight evidence trail in case you need to escalate further.

I also agree don’t mention the SEN aspect. I would stick to the facts of on day X this child physically assaulted my child, on day Y they verbally abused them etc. Put the onus on the school to sort it out and make clear they need to keep your child safe

@Justwhy2 So you are not on the uk? I advised on uk law. Never mind!

Hi OP, I was in a similar situation. I made a thread here and I had pages of good advice.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5427594-autistic-child-attacking-dd-part-2?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

its there it you want to read it. That's thread 2, thread one link is in the OP.

I moved my daughter. She became a shell of herself due to the bullying she endured from a SEN child. She had bumps, bruises, lumps, the kids shit smeared on her. It started as the odd punch and push and name call and it escalated quickly.

I pulled her out in the end. She is doing so well in her new school, and I am so incredibly glad I moved her.

no amount of meetings, complaints, emails and everything in between helped at all. It was all concentrated on the boy and his needs and my daughter was completely let down.

since my DD leaving the school, he moved onto another female child who is now looking to be moved too.

good luck in whatever you decide, but don't be afraid to pull your child out. Yes they can get bullied elsewhere but I don't think anywhere could have been worse than what she went through in her previous school. These are reception aged children too.

oh, and I never got a replacement cardigan from the mum either. It didn't matter in the end as she got new uniform but it still pisses me off!

I am in the UK, just not in England so still helpful - thank you!!

Thank you so much. Glad to hear your daughter is doing well, it is just awful what some kids have to go through

@Justwhy2 Ah. Ok.

@Justwhy2 The government gives full advice to schools and parents on their web site. This is also worth a read.

Shit being smeared on her child ??Why this parent did not involve the police is beyond me
that would have got the schools arse in gear ( ex- teacher )

My child was in Juniors, we weren’t believed & their remedy was put your hand up and say ‘stop’. It was a SEN child.

Like talking to a brick wall. Got deflected.
Moved school. My simple remedy. No one listened.

And my child was delighted about moving schools.

I have put my child on a waiting list for another school, there should be a place in September. It would mean changing childcare etc too, which would be massive for her, so not ideal but might be necessary unfortunately.

Moving a bullied childs school seems to be the only way these days
How sad they aren’t protected.