Bullying by a child with SEN

[Justwhy2]

My child is experiencing issues in primary school - hitting, kicking, name calling, spreading rumours. In my view it is bullying. The child involved has special educational needs, and a full time classroom assistant.

The school have taken measures to increase supervision of the other child, however they have not imposed any consequences for the incidents that have happened to date. They are also now saying that it is "more 2 sided than I realise," however they have not provided me with any evidence of this. I suspect they are going on what the other child's parents are saying, however the other child has been exposed telling lies on at least 2 occasions.

I understand the complexities of the situation, however surely hitting and kicking can't be ignored just because a child has special educational needs? My child is very aware that if they were to behave this way in school there would be consequences?

It is leaving my child feeling very unsupported. I suppose my question is am I being unreasonable to call this bullying? Has anyone been in this situation, or worked in a school where this has happened, and can advise me on what would be reasonable action from the school in the circumstances?

My point is that it needs to be detailed, and bombproof as far as humanly possible. Not ‘oh, the 1:1 will supervise’ (unquantified, and obviously undeliverable)

Detailed to the hills for her child but not the SEN child no.

Its not working though, is it? OPs child is being repeatedly assaulted. In any other setting this would not be tolerated, so why should children in school be expected to endure this?

The two are intertwined, aren’t they?

IF the OP’s child is being kept safe through the child with SEN having closer 1:1 supervision (which us not the only route to be explored), then the OP has every right to check with the school that they have thought through every ‘risky’ point of the day and week and gave a solid plan for it.

They shouldn't, that's not what I'm saying.
Just the op can't get the info the pp was advising as it's confidential

I’ll tell you my views. SEN or not, my DC was told from day 1 that of a child hit them, they hit them back.

Chances are the SEN child has enough noggin to realise if they do X then Y will happen.

She’s not asking for any detail about the other child’s ECHP, she’s asking how they plan to keep her child safe throughout the school day, given having 1:1 support isn’t working to prevent her child being assorted.

Wanting to know if when 1:1 is off, breaks etc is part of the plan.

@Jellycatspyjamas This was from a pp comment btw not the op

Quite a lot of that is absolutely none of anyone’s business.

My son has a 1:1 and the only people who have the right to question their whereabouts is us.

It’s perfectly reasonable to ask if the child is left unattended and if that has an impact on the other children, if the ratios are stuck to at all times (they should be), but asking the specifics of a the job role for someone not in anyway related to your child could lead to the school rightly saying to mind your own business.

Again your making excuses, you are 'hard of understanding'. SEN children may struggle to control emotions but they need to learn how to. Of course there needs to be punishment /consequences. I can't understand why on earth you think there wouldn't be a need for this. Parents of SEN children don't want thier children hurting other children either and most would work with the school to ensure it doesn't happen. Funding is a huge issue, I agree but meanwhile loads of SEN kids are in schools causing chaos and hurting other children. I see it all the time, kids wondering around the school allowed to do what they want due to SEN, no consequences for being horrible to other children. It is a joke.

The ableist language is laughable “being horrible to other children”. “Have to learn”. You do realise that some absolutely can’t learn?! Do you think that is going to make their life easy? I don’t know why I am wasting my time here - it is profoundly depressing - perhaps we should just lean in to eugenics 🙄🙄

Do you have a SEN child?

I’m gonna go with no.

some of these consequences (moving the child etc) are absolutely fine. Let’s be honest though - that’s not what many on this thread are wanting. What they are asking for is barely coded revenge and i suspect more for the parent’s benefit than for the child.

💯. The mask really slips behind an anonymous mn username and it’s pretty fucking horrible.

@anonymous0810 my child said all he wanted was the child removed from the room for 10/ 15mins. He didn't want him expelled or removed from the school and nor did I. Please do not paint parents that see their child suffering as wanting bloody revenge just because they want to see some kind of 'action' for the sake of their child.

My brother had severe adhd. I've lived with it thanks! Made everyones life hell.

I’ve been on both sides of this so I have navigated this you know. I also work in this field.

Fine but you have painted the parents who have responded here as behaving in that way. I'm not saying that people have not been angry and wanted revenge but I think you ought to be more circumspect about what you suggest about those of us that have responded in this thread.

You sound a pleasure.

so you should understand SEN children can't just learn?
those children wandering around the school aren't doing it for pleasure, or as a punishment, there is a reason they need to step out of the class room.
SEN parents fight for help for their child, a lot fighting for a SEN school, we can't get them.
there are consequences, by school and parents.

but I assume you would know all of this having an additional needs brother?

Your first reply in this thread jumped to this narrative of revenge. Nowhere have I expressed a desire for revenge, or overly punitive consequences. All that I want is for the school to take action that confirms to my child that she has done nothing wrong, and helps the other child begin to see that their behaviour is wrong, and that it will lead to a consequence. My child and I would be completely satisfied with the other child being moved for example. The reality at the minute unfortunately is that my child is being moved, my child being excluded from games, and my child who has been spoken to/warned about punitive measures, despite being the one who is being hit, kicked, called fat, and is the victim of malicious rumours.

Believe it or not I do understand the complexities of the issue, and I am grateful that the school are increasing supervision. Prevention is ideal, however it is inevitable that this child will at times have opportunities to cause further harm, so prevention must surely go hand in hand with action in the event that something does happen.

Keep fighting your child's corner! It's tough but so necessary.
Possibly raise with the school about a risk assessment being done to ensure other children are kept safe from this child.
If this child is only targeting/attacking your child then this is bullying......
What is the plan etc for managing this child and their behaviour, so that they aren't hurting others and therr are consequences to their behaviour.
It maybe that a mainstream school setting isn't suitable for this child.

Well. You can’t cure ADHD, and you said had. So you’ve just called your either estranged or dead brother “Hell.”

Pleasant.

My darling brother used to chase me around the house with knives, was very violent, was often scared to go to sleep in own house. Left the gas in once on purpose. Luckily my dad noticed the smell before turning on the light switch. He used to abuse my father so no I don't have empathy he was a total arsehole and an absolute nutcase. Perhaps you could excuse this all by his 'needs' but I can't.

Apologies op for the derail.
Back to the op she needs to protect her own child not worry or care about the needs of any other child. I feel very sorry for the parents of SEN kids because I know damn well how hard it is but that is not another parents problem. She needs to worry about her child and the school has a duty to make sure her child is safe at school. Its not good for the SEN child to get in such a heightened state either. Nor is it good to allow them to rampage round the school and distract other children's learning but we are where we are. It's all a sad state of affairs.