My child is being bullied by a Neurodiverse child! Help!

[Shellfoho]

Looking for advice! My child and a couple of his friends are being bullied by a Neurodiverse child in his class, we have discussed this with the school, their response seems to be just too explain to my child that some people's brain work differently! Although we both understand that, this child is being physically abusive towards my child and the school do not seem to be doing anything to stop this! Can anyone offer suggestions on how to deal with this without coming across as insensitive? Thanks in advance xx

What is the child actually doing?

Be insensitive.
You go in and meet with the staff.

Your line is that the other child is a school problem not your childs problem.

They have a duty of care to insure your child is not bullied nor assaulted.

If the staff in the school begin to say that the other child is...

You go :
stop I have no need to discuss any other child the meeting is about my child and my child only.
So explain what the schools plan of action is..

And then shup up and say nothing and look at them until you get a reply.

That way you cant be guilted into a concession

This. But I’d also add that you feel it is completely inappropriate for them to be sharing private information about another child with you.

I’d approach the school and would explain the situation. You are concerned. How are they going to keep your child safe in school? If they aren’t able to give an answer or you feel fobbed off, stop them - you don’t need to know about this, that and the other, this is potentially a safeguarding issue as your child is being assaulted. How are they going to keep your child safe in school?

I would also have a look at the school’s bullying policy and see if there is anything in there about what happens if the bully or victim has SEND.

"I recognise that this child has problems and I'm sympathetic to the issues that this causes for him, for his family, and for you. But at the moment my child isn't safe at school, and that's the point I want to address."

Yep, as others said, "What are you doing to keep my child safe?". Repeat. They should not be framing it that the other child is ND. That is private, they should be telling you about measures they are putting in place to keep YOUR child safe.

Thank you all, it's physical harm and damage to his things, the child physically attacks my son during breaks as well as stamping and kicking his bag and coat, he has also stolen items from another boy! I will contact the school again as today I have just received the generic 'your child has been involved in an accident' text and it's not until he gets home that I discover he had been punched in the shoulder and back!

Mum of neurodiverse kid here. My son is also the kind of autistic kid who (historically) has lost control and lashed out. Utterly mortifying for us as parents as we would always try and instill in him the importance of being kind to others… I digress.

The school need to provide additional supervision to this child to stop them from harming others. If they are lashing out it’s probably because they aren’t coping, and school need to solve the root cause.

To be fair the approach others have suggested around saying ‘how will you protect my child’ should be enough. But just be aware that if the response is ‘we’ll tell the other child’s parents’ or stuff that would work with regular kids, I can tell you it won’t help. We got called all the time about our son’s behaviour and no amount of punishments or bribes or threats helped as in the moment he’d lose control and forget. The only thing that will help is the school working directly with the child to sort their behaviour. They should know this but it sounds like they are maybe being deliberately stupid.

I agree with this and also had a child not coping well in mainstream, however, he lashed out at adults, not other children - which is (shockingly IMO) taken far more seriously.

They must keep your child safe while at school, but they are probably doing everything they can to avoid using a 1-to-1. Keep pushing, your child deserves a safe school environment.

Such a difficult situation for everyone. Your child should feel supported as should all children. The teachers job is hard without enough resources to do their job to the best standard. How do you know what steps the school are taking?

You need to make as much loud fuss as you can with the school because in reality, the only way they will make a change is if it becomes easier to do that than to leave things as they are.

The school will have no time, money or resources to support this child the way they need but that’s not your child’s problem. He deserves to be safe.

I think you need to leave all mention of your son's friends out of it. That's just hearsay as far as you're concerned and if other parents feel their children are being bullied then that's for them to take up with the school. You need to concentrate on specific incidents that involve your child. Otherwise you do risk sounding like you've just got a vendetta against this boy.

Similarly I wouldn't get into any discussion around the child's SEND or whether he is struggling or what the school are doing to support him in a general sense etc. As other PPs have said, you need to interrupt them if they begin talking about any of this and bring the topic straight back to your own child. Your own child has a right to be safe at school so you need to know how the school will ensure this. It's completely inappropriate for them to imply that there are circumstances in life where your child (or anyone) must accept bullying, harassment or abuse.

Go in and ask how they will be safeguarding your child against bulking and abuse going forwards. It’s not ok that this is happening to your DS, what SEN the other child does or doesn’t have isn’t your concern here, they need to keep your DS safe.

The neurodivergence of the perpetrator isn't really your concern. The school needs to keep your child safe, regardless of who else is in the room.

Go into the school and ask them to tell you what actions they're going to take to ensure that your child is safe and that their possessions are left intact. It is for them to work out how they do that, what additional support might be required for any children with additional needs etc.

Your child needs to feel safe in school. That's the bottom line. The school needs to find a way of making this happen.

.

SEN children can still bully.

I would be digging out their bullying and safeguarding policy and quoting it back at them asking what the fuck they are going to do about it.

We have been here. It sucks. You use policy and play by the book so they can't ignore you.

They have responsibilities to all children not just SEN ones.

You focus on YOUR child when you do this. Don't blame but ask about protection.

Being neurodiverse is not an excuse for them allowing this child to assault others.

The school is neglecting its duty of care towards your child.

Not your child's problem.

The school have a duty to protect your child from being harmed under their care.

Trying to get your son to accept being hit because the child has an excuse to act out is not ok. End of. The care of that child with regards to his needs is their concern. Don't tip toe around and try and show leniency for the situation. If they come out with "some children's brains work differently etc etc " just ignore it and keep firmly stating "I'm not asking about the other child. I'm talking about my child. I'm asking you what you are going to do to protect my child " repeat until you're blue in the face.

You need to document each incident.
The date. What happened. Who was involved. Who witnessed it. How is this incident impacting your child. How is impacting how he feels about school.

Document everything your complaint and you want a written response. If you get a call. You email the conversation back to them .... further to out conversation in x date. You said ythis and I said that....

You need to read their anti bullying policy and safeguarding policy . Go through and highlight their failures. Put them in the complaint.

I also quoted every child matters and how the behaviour was impacting my child meeting the outcomes.

When they start telling you what they are doing to support the other child. You need to put it back on them and ask WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO SUPPORT YOUR CHILD who is being repeatedly attacked and victimised.

You also need to escalate things higher up if you don't get an adequate response.

It's hard because in my case I felt terrible for the parents and the boy involved. The school wasn't meeting his needs or able to respond to his triggers promptly to prevent incidents BUT, I'm their to advocate for my child. He has his own parents fighting his corner. I'm their fighting for my child's wellbeing.

You ask them what they are going to do to stop your child being hurt at school. In writing, by a nice timed and dated email.

Nope. Do not say anything about how lenient you are to the other child's needs and definitely don't say you're sympathetic. You're ripe for being shushed away. You don't have to be sympathetic here. Your job is to stand up for YOUR child. You don't have to add any equality tick box waffle to your opening gambit

The school is failing to keep your child safe. He's been assaulted and stolen from. They need to address this urgently, regardless of any details of the perpetrator's ND.

if you were being punched and kicked or having your stuff attacked every day at the office, would you go in? No.

As a society we are so brainwashed to think our children will “fail at life” if they miss some time at school that parents actually trot their children straight into harms way. This is madness. And this is what is more likely to cause any life “failure” - your poor son is being assaulted on a regular basis! People go to therapy for years for that. Posters on here being told to call the police and be brave etc etc for surviving abuse as an adult yet a child is just told to crack on and get to school. Fuck that honestly. I’m not blaming you or trying to guilt you even op I just literally cannot believe we live in a country where a child being abused is just ignored and parents made out to be insensitive! Personally I’d not send him in at all until that child was removed. He is unsafe. This child is not safe to be around other children. And the sooner the government stops forcing schools (and therefore other kids) to absorb problem children, the better. Your child should be able to go to school and feel safe. If his bully is not fit enough to be in a group setting, he should not be in a group setting. And I get it’s sad and all the rest of it but it is what it is. The same way a child with no legs can’t go to the school with no lift and hundreds of stairs - yes it’s sad, and yes you do what you can to accommodate but eventually practically kicks in. Well it’s the same here - this child’s disability prevents him from being in a classroom with other children. End of. That’s not ableist or bigoted or anything at all. It’s just reality.

👆

Wow.

in addition to all the benefit threads at the moment where posters are seemingly ecstatic about proposed cuts we now have this sort of rubbish on threads saying that children with SEN and disabilities just have to miss out on school or be excluded? Inclusion and tolerance have truly gone haven’t they .