My child is being bullied by a Neurodiverse child! Help!

[Shellfoho]

Looking for advice! My child and a couple of his friends are being bullied by a Neurodiverse child in his class, we have discussed this with the school, their response seems to be just too explain to my child that some people's brain work differently! Although we both understand that, this child is being physically abusive towards my child and the school do not seem to be doing anything to stop this! Can anyone offer suggestions on how to deal with this without coming across as insensitive? Thanks in advance xx

Before the government can change the current "inclusion" push, there needs to be an alternative.

I don't disagree with you on the whole. But where does this child go (and all of the others like him)?

Lenient? I have no idea what you mean.

Saying what I've suggested, right at the beginning, cuts any excuses that they're about to offer, at the pass. It prevents them trying to appeal to OP's better nature, because she's already addressed their reality and moved on. It's the professional way to say "I know what excuses you're about to make, but they're not going to work"

I'm a career long teacher of children like the child who's hurt OP 's son. I know what works for a victim's parent when they go into school with this kind of concern.

Take the word ‘neurodiverse’ out if your title. That’s the problem you should be addressing. Your dc is being bullied. Full stop. Ask to see the school’s bullying policy and make sure they abide by it. If they use the neurodiverse excuse, then escalate it further. To use a cliche, every child matters!

This!

You are a manipulative person.

I did NOT anywhere say children with SEN and disabilities just have to miss out on school or be excluded. No I did not. and you know I didn’t.

its actually very fucked up that you’d insinuate that I would say a child should be excluded just for “having a disability”.

Especially when you KNOW I said kids who are NOT SAFE to be around other kids should not be in schools with other kids. Disabled or not.

so let me spell it out for you. ANY KID WHO BEATS OTHER KIDS UP SHOULD NOT BE IN SCHOOL WITH OTHER KIDS. It makes no difference if they’re disabled or not. They are not safe, they shouldn’t be there. They need to be educated in a way and place where they will not cause harm to others.

Do you think anyone with a disability just has a free pass to behave how they feel?
Because you know what, I’m neurodivergent. Could I come and punch you in the face? I’m sure you’ll be happy with that right? because you’re inclusive and tolerant? Would you just smile and say well that hurt but you deserve to exist here too and if you feel the need to punch me who am I to do anything about it?

or is it just children who have to put up with being physically attacked so another child can have an education?

We had a similar situation. I ended up pulling my child from the school as they weren't safe.

The school is failing your child and the other child too. Your concern is rightly for your own child.

In addition to other suggestions that PP have made about things you can leverage against the school (violation of the other child's privacy by divulging their health information, and how managing the other child is the school's problem, not your son's), you can remind the school that it has failed to meet its Public Sector Equality Duty to foster good relationships between people with different protected characteristics under the Equality Act.

Rationale: by saying that the other child's disability means that your child should tolerate physical assault, the school have undermined the relationship between your (presumably neurotypical) son and the ND child on the basis of the ND child's disability.

1. Your child is understandably less likely to have warm feelings towards all ND people in the future because of the way this one ND child has behaved at a key point of your child's development. Your child will associate "ND“ with "that little shit who was enabled to beat the crap out of me and break my stuff" and overcoming that early association can be hard. Any other children impacted by the ND child's behaviour are likely to also lack warm feelings towards ND people in future.
2. The ND child is not being supported appropriately to have good relationships with the NT majority. The ND child is not going to be able to go around hitting people as an adult and needs to be taught coping strategies now otherwise they will end up in prison. Their behaviour will, fairly or otherwise, reflect on all ND people and harm the relationship between ND people and NT people. People won't want to hire an ND person if they think that ND person will be violent. I wonder if other ND children are also being inappropriately supported at this school in this way?

ALL children deserve to be in school. The school has the responsibility to meet the needs of all children. If a child is being bullied they need protecting, if a child is bullying they need to be helped in whatever form that takes to stop but still be able to access their education.

100% this.

A violent child should not be allowed to attack or threaten others, even if it means that child has to go to alternative education provision.

I am autistic and I repeat, we are not well-served if we are enabled to be violent.

As others have said, both kids here are being failed. I think we can all agree too, that the school will have no resources to manage this bully.

However, that other child has parents who can address their needs with the school. Your job is to address your child’s needs.

Any hint of “…it’s important to be mindful that Johnny has SEN…” needs shut down by you right away. He could have two heads, it’s irrelevant.

Your only focus is your own boy. Nobody in a classroom has greater right to education and safety than another. They’re all equally entitled to protection from harm, and currently your son doesn’t have it.

Everything in email to the school so you have a written record. Request meetings 4 times a week if you need to.

Up to you if you tell your son to hit this bully back or not, of course.

We had similar issues with one of my DC.

PP are correct in that when they start talking about the other child’s abilities and challenges, you stop them and remind them it’s about your child and how they stay safe. In my situation, the school auxiliary became involved as she was dealing with the sharp end result of the child’s behaviour with the kids coming in with various bumps and cuts etc. This put pressure on the teaching staff to finally effect change. Find out the school safeguarding lead and ask them how they are going to keep your child safe. Print the safeguarding and bullying procedures from the website and take them in with you. Follow up all verbal conversations with an email.

Any hint of “…it’s important to be mindful that Johnny has SEN…” needs shut down by you right away. He could have two heads, it’s irrelevant.

👆

Hey OP, I’m so sorry your child is going through this, it’s totally unacceptable.

I would personally be approaching the school and asking for details of the incidents so that you are able to report them to the police. As far as you’re concerned you don’t know the ins and outs of this child’s difficulties, all you know is that your child has been physically assaulted. The police of course are very unlikely to do anything at all in response, however this will really set the cat amongst the pigeons for the school.

I would request a meeting with the headteacher and keep the focus of the meeting on how the school are going to protect your child’s safety. I would emphasise that if there are further incidents that you will follow the school’s complaints procedure and that failing a satisfactory outcome you will escalate your concerns to the school governors and to OFSTED.

Follow up all communications with the school with an email so that you have a paper trial.

Not necessarily in that setting.

In what setting though ? A lot of ND children can only access mainstream school, it’s really really hard to meet the threshold and get agreement for a SEN school . What needs to happen is more support and the school need to step up to meet the needs of all the children in their care.

These situations don’t just happen with SEN children sometimes NT children will lose their temper and lash out. Staff need to be vigilant in general but if one child is a known risk they need to put more support in place to reduce triggers and opportunities for violence to others .

Talk about wishy washy.

’The school needs to step up’ - how?

’if one child is a known risk they need to put more support in place to reduce triggers’ - what would this look like?

Identifying if there is a specific trigger (eg just before lunch - hungry, a certain lesson- too loud or overstimulating etc) and maybe taking that child out with a TA to avoid a situation where they reach overload and lash out.

Can I also add I feel sorry for the school as well here?

What are they supossed to do, where do they find CAPACITY for all these extra supervisions. Extra monitoring. Notes. Meetings. Given that there are so many ND kids diagnosed today.

The TA is there to support the entire class, they don’t have capacity to be consistently providing one pupil with support. A TA takes them out of a ‘triggering’ lesson and then what? Sits with them and leaves a class of 30 without a TA? Please think before you post

So what’s the alternative keep excluding children who then go to another school and do the same and the cycle continues and that child gets no education?

Yes. If the alternative is that children get hit by a child not coping. The PP did not say consistently but specifically suggested if it is due to a particular trigger.

They get extra funding for each child on the SEN register and if that’s not enough the school needs to apply for an EHCP.

This is exactly the kind of conversation that OP needs to avoid with the school. For her, it’s about OP’s child. The other fight is for the bully’s parents.

I agree with @Devonshiregal

Exclusion and tolerance is one thing. When the scales tip to adversely affect the majority, that's no longer inclusion and tolerance.

Society has to work for the majority whilst being as inclusive as reasonably possible for the minority.

You can’t just exclude children for this kind of thing. They need support and to access an education. The school needs to deal with it to ensure the bullied are kept safe from harm and that the bullies are being supported to make positive changes to their behaviour and to continue to be able to access an education .