I am being bullied by other mums in the playground

[Ijustdunnoanymore]

Help, I need advice. My children havent been long at their new school. I recently volunteered for something and since then the mums from one class have been making my life really difficult. Nit picking at every tiny little thing I do. I have tried to remain calm but the nit picking has been constant over everything. Its like whack a mole. They glower at me, get their children to tell my children they don't like me. No one else volunteered for the task in question...I thought everyone would be relieved but they all seem to resent me. A few have emailed me their support but its all done quietly as they are too scared of these women. How do I get them off my case? I have apologised to the ring leader incase I might have done something and in the hope she might settle everyone down. BUT no, it just wont stop. Like a dripping tap.....so constant its wearing me down. I daren't go on the facebook group anymore and have actually had to block one mum because she just kept harrassing me. Any ideas on how to make it stop???

Reading this gives me such anxiety! I literally am dreading the day my LO goes to school and I have to deal with the school Mums.

I was horrendously bullied at school and my biggest regret was not standing up for myself. I wish I had just fought back instead of hiding away.

I completely understand you're more concerned for how this will impact your children but clearly it already is.

You go up to the ring leader, ask her what her bloody problem is outright. She'll likely be so horrified that she's been called out on it that she won't know what to do. Be strong.

Block them all and resign from the task fuck that shit

Reading this gives me such anxiety! I literally am dreading the day my LO goes to school and I have to deal with the school Mums.
I wouldn't worry about it, this really isn't a normal experience.

Agreed, it's unlikely you'll experience the same. My child is primary 7 now so starting high school in August, we have had an overall really positive primary school experience. You'll be fine.

Some time in the last few years a tradition started whereby the children leaving primary school (so those aged 11 or very nearly 11 and heading to secondary school the following September) all got a hoodie (a hooded sports jumper) with the name of their school, the year and a list of all the class names printed on it.

Sorting them just means organising them, so checking the list of names and arranging for them to be printed.

Daft business if you ask me. When I was that age the tradition was getting everyone to sign your school shirt. So effectively free as everyone already had school uniform and pens and much less waste.

No gap between two names....
That is all..
I mean, it is not ideal if one of them is your kid or your kid's bestie, but their name is still there.
I suppose they do have each child's name and class in big letters? They will sign each others shirts on the last day? Won't they?
I sent my child with a set of colourful marker pens to school on the last day.
Her shirt is rather pretty actually. Still hanging on her wardrobe, alongside her leaver's hoodie.
Anyway, this makes zero sense. Harrass anyone for a hoodie and telling children to tell your children that they do not like you! That is nasty!
Just keep head high, actually distribute the hoodies to those who paid and stick two fingers up to the idiots. You need to be a good example to your children and carry on being yourself and commiting to your duty, even when surrounded by idiots. I hate when people, grown ups, seem to be "scared" of groups od bullies. To the hell with that!

Thanks so much for the explanation!

Where I live we still do the signing the school shirt thing, thankfully 😊

I volunteered for this once! NEVER AGAIN!!!

It's their precious children and their important memories and their valuable money and it needs to be just right.

So nitpicky. Never grateful. Unable to accept reasonable deadlines "cos every kid is wearing theirs and Little Diesel is really sad that he can't wear his"

It's been years and you've just dragged up all this rage! If this is a tenth of how bad the teachers and staff at the school get it - they are underpaid by about a billion pounds a year. Each teacher.

I daren't go on the facebook group anymore and have actually had to block one mum because she just kept harrassing me. Any ideas on how to make it stop???

In what way is she harassing you?

I would go back on facebook and I would post on the group page basically what you’ve said on here and say that if the harassment continues then you won’t be doing it and as no one else wants to do it then they’ll end up with nothing.

What I don’t understand is why they have such an issue with you.
You are the one in charge and if they want a specific spot on the hoodie or something then they should be being extra nice to you.

Start putting your foot down OP.

I found the school gate mums a bit cliquey back in the day. Then DH and I role swapped and he did school runs - everyone was nice as pie to him obviously as he was a man. If anyone had tried to be bitchy to him he would probably have just looked a bit baffled.

I wonder if you should just double down and reply from now on, “the amount of aggro and unpleasantness I’m getting over these
hoodies is unreal. Frankly, I’m surprised at the behaviour of some parents who have been acting like teenagers. Nobody else volunteered to step up and arrange this; if you think you could have done a better job then you should have stepped up. I’ve had enough of how nasty some people are being over this.” If they already don’t like you, you’ve got nothing to lose. Sounds like you’ve been too nice with them.

Tell them to sort their own f'n hoodies

Agree with this. Bullies only thrive because people are scared of them. Don’t let them intimidate you.

I've got 4 years till I have to deal with it. Hoping austerity means a return of the traditional shirt signing and none of this hoodie business.

the old advice to just ignore bullies and they go away is WRONG.

So true; as the peerless Nigel Molesworth said ‘sometimes they just stand there and then where are you? i will tell you you are in the duck pond and it is joly freezing’. (Spelling as quoted). While you may not literally be in the duck pond, they have figuratively dropped you in it, and your best bet may be to walk away and kick Chief Whinger into this particular midden of pettiness.

Honestly don’t let this worry you.

If you want my advice (I have been a volunteer, now a staff member, also a parent) I would avoid the class social media groups. The best thing I ever did was opt not to join my youngest’s WhatsApp group. It means I don’t know anything going on with cliques I haven’t a clue who has been slagging off who or who has been making passive aggressive remarks about who. I did join my eldest’s class Facebook group but nowadays it’s dead. No one uses it for anything other than asking school related questions.

On the playground you will naturally make friends with the parents of your children’s best friends. It just happens without trying. I have never experienced anything negative although I know it goes on. You keep your head down, act friendly and keep your nose out of the gossip.

Yes, bullying exists because people are cowardly, and i'm not just referring to the one being bullied either. It's those that stand by and watch it, that are sending you messages saying that they secretly agree with you etc.

Society, schools etc promote ignoring it and turning the other cheek, but it rarely works.
It just lets bullies take more and more liberties.

Strangely there's little shame for bullies and instead the bullied are shamed and seen as weak.

@CaveMum seemed about right, to me. I'll add to that, the people who are bullies in school grow up to be the bullying parents at the school gate. Are they from a village? Ffs.

Be the grown up. Shrug them off. Here's to secondary school!

They don't deserve you. Resign.

Agree with @FartSock5000 I've heard it called ''shine a light on it'' or ''Narrating''.

''So let me see if I've understood this correctly. Child x comes up to an adult and says ''I hate you''. That's not OK to me, so I have I have decided that the next time this, happens I'm going to the principal.''

The ignore ignore advice only sends the message that you're terrified of confrontation.

I'm in the UK and I've no idea either.

Its really difficult to comment on thisbut what are you supposed to have done to annoy this group. But whatever it is their behaviour sounds awful.

I love this. I was a class rep but ONLY after ex DH was.

This hoodies shit is exactly why staff won't do it anymore. It's of no benefit to them and there is endless grief about the sodding things.

Nit picking at every tiny little thing I do
That's fairly standard, I'm afraid. Most people are reasonable, but some just like to find fault

They glower at me, get their children to tell my children they don't like me
I find this hard to believe, TBH. I can imagine parents criticising you & the kids repeat it eg "my mum says you did the hoodies wrong" (not cool, but can imagine it happening). But I honestly can't imagine a parent saying "Now Jack, when you see Lucy at school tomorrow, remember to tell her that you don't like her Mum"

Well done for volunteering. I'm sure the hoodies are fine. And they won't wear them for long anyway. But it's best not to take criticism too personally