Is this classed as Bullying?

[MrsPixi]

I have a 13 year old daughter who is now refusing to go into school.

She has been completely ostracised by her friendship group.

They no longer wish to be her friend. What they are also doing now is any girl which my daughter speaks to they are approaching them stating why are you speaking to her so she doesn't have one person who will hang around with her now.

She messaged some girls asking if they would hang around with her and they said No. They have now joined my DD's old friendship group.

We have gone through her phone and she has messages stating she is “jealous” over something, “you’ve gone home and burst into tears babe”, “you’ve no friends to chat to now tbh” and even an earlier message saying “die”.

She is now refusing to go to school as she doesn't have one single friend. School are involved and I'm waiting to see what can be done about it, but we cannot force people to be friends with her.

Ive looked at the school bullying policy which states purposely excluding someone is classed as emotional bullying.

Im so worried I can't eat or sleep.

Any advice?

[KissKissButtCheek]

Oh bless her, how upsetting for her and you!
Bullies really are absolute scum
Are the School aware that your DD is refusing to go in now? I would push really hard to get them to do something.
Ask to see a copy of their bullying policy in the first instance.
Do you know the parents of the other girls, do you think it would help speaking to them?
My DD went through a spate of being bullied last couple of months and it really hurt her. We talked about it, and I made a point every single day to tell her how beautiful, kind, wonderful, funny, amazing she is. Anything so her confidence wasn't totally destroyed
Hugs to you both, I really hope this is sorted for you DD ASAP x

[KissKissButtCheek]

Apologies - just seen that you have seen their policy.
Ring the school, tell them about the messages, particularly the "die" one. Let them know you are considering contacting the police as that one particular message is beyond bullying in my estimation x

[DropYourSword]

Absolutely it's bullying.

Yes, no-one can be forced to be friends.

However, they shouldn't be acting like utter twats to her either. They can fall out and just not be bullying shits!

[MrsPixi]

I've contacted the school and sent them the screenshots of the messages that she has received.

That's the thing I cannot force them to be friends with her but what they are doing now is telling everyone else not to speak to her and its working, because like I said she doesn't have anyone. Its broke my heart.

Ive told school I've looked at the bullying policy. We have contacted parents, one has apologised and is disgusted, one didn't want to know (their child can do no wrong) and the other just said they will have a word which didn't work as it carried on.

Im at a loss as to how to help her as even if school do step in, they cannot make people speak to her.

[Undecided1985]

How awful - yes definitely bullying. Hopefully the school will support your daughter and things will improve

If it does not improve in a reasonable timeframe the. moving school may help but I appreciate not so easy or practical at times

phones and social media just a bullies paradise so sad our kids have to endure this

[SuperSocks]

Of course it's bullying!! Do you know who sent her the 'Die' message? That needs to be dealt with as a criminal act, you must report it to the police.

[LaBellina]

That’s definitely bullying. Your poor DD.
I was bullied relentlessly at school but at least I could mostly escape from it at home because smartphones weren’t a thing (although I have received a rape threat email and dickpic email as a 16 year old - this was in the early 2000s). I would start by changing her number so the bullies can no longer harass her and block them all on social media. Plus I would involve the school and if they didn’t step in, I would kick up an almighty fuss. It’s 2022, people should know by now how serious bullying is.

[LaBellina]

@SuperSocks

Of course it's bullying!! Do you know who sent her the 'Die' message? That needs to be dealt with as a criminal act, you must report it to the police.

Also this. I hope the person that sent it gets a conviction and a criminal record that will stay with them for life. After all that’s what the damage of bullying does too to many, many victims. Bullying should be made a criminal offense and I would definitely report the parts of it that are crimes to the police.

[whysoserious123]

Girls are so nasty !

Don't worry about forcing these girls to be friends with her she doesn't need friends like that !

This needs to be dealt with by the school and let your daughter know this is really common

Poor girl

Can she join after school clubs and make friends there ? Or make friends with girls on different years

[Fastforwardtospring]

Hi Op, I have DD13, who was getting bullied, removed from friendship groups, she had no one, she not only had texts of ‘Die’ & ‘KYS’ (acronym for kill yourself) but also threats of physically hurting her. This went on for about a year, school tried to intervene but when she got the physical threats we removed her from the school and changed to one slightly out of area. Social media means bullying can travel unfortunately so choosing one out of area gave us peace of mind that chances of anyone knowing her would be less. It’s been a really positive move, she has a friendship group now, I only wish I’d moved her sooner, the school tried to help but unfortunately we were up against parents who didn’t care what their darling off spring were up to. It did come as a sacrifice to our family and the bullies got away with it as I was so intent on changing my daughters school that I didn’t per-sue the vile social media messages she used to receive daily and involve the police. Looking back I wish I had, my DD had another 5 weeks of homeschooling on top of all the Covid homeschool whilst we sought another school place. It was my DDs education that suffered. The school we removed her from had an outstanding ofsted, she’s gone to one that hasn’t got a great ofsted but my god don’t let a not so ofsted put you off, the pastoral care and education she is now receiving beats the outstanding one hands down.

[drpet49]

* Of course it's bullying!! Do you know who sent her the 'Die' message? That needs to be dealt with as a criminal act, you must report it to the police.*

^This. You need to contact the police

[Undecided1985]

Also to say 10 is the age of criminal responsibility in england so yes harassment and threats are a criminal matter so just inform the school you will be taking it to the police

[MrsPixi]

Im really struggling with how to support her in the best possible way.

I haven't slept at all for two nights. School have spoken to all the children involved and parents but even after that other people were contacting her about it.

She feels completely isolated.

[Fastforwardtospring]

@MrsPixi is moving school an option? In my experience even after the children/parents are spoken to, the bullies just laugh about it afterwards. Has your DD been going to school throughout, can you keep her at home for a few days and say she is refusing school, if DC refuse school because of issues, they have to be seen to do some thing about it. We did this, school were more on board but we did eventually move. You have my utmost sympathy, going through bullying with my DD has been one of my most traumatic parenting times. It took months after she moved schools for the weight to lift off my shoulders.

[Cherrysherbet]

That’s so awful op.. for her and you.
It’s absolutely bullying, and they are nasty little bitches.
Keep on at the school, and make sure they do something. Keep everything in writing too, as it puts it all on record, and it’s not easy for them to ignore. 💐

[MrsPixi]

[quote Fastforwardtospring]@MrsPixi is moving school an option? In my experience even after the children/parents are spoken to, the bullies just laugh about it afterwards. Has your DD been going to school throughout, can you keep her at home for a few days and say she is refusing school, if DC refuse school because of issues, they have to be seen to do some thing about it. We did this, school were more on board but we did eventually move. You have my utmost sympathy, going through bullying with my DD has been one of my most traumatic parenting times. It took months after she moved schools for the weight to lift off my shoulders.[/quote]

This is what's happened. Even after parents have been spoken to, the school have pulled them in twice, and one girl STILL carried on doing it the same afternoon. It's actually disgusting. I am absolutely furious.

[MrsPixi]

Does anyone know if because they didn't use the words Kill yourself they used just the single word 'Die' is that still illegal?

[EmergencyPoncho]

@MrsPixi

Does anyone know if because they didn't use the words Kill yourself they used just the single word 'Die' is that still illegal?

I think, but am not totally certain, that sending any message with the intention of upsetting the recipient is illegal and classed as malicious communication. Pretty sure I'm right though, so yes, I think "die" falls under that.

[EmergencyPoncho]

I would ask the police for advice and inform the school. I think in this kind of situation, where they are being so vile, you've got to go in hard. This age group know perfectly well that they should be responsible online, so that is not an excuse.

[MrsPixi]

@EmergencyPoncho

I would ask the police for advice and inform the school. I think in this kind of situation, where they are being so vile, you've got to go in hard. This age group know perfectly well that they should be responsible online, so that is not an excuse.

School are completely involved. But even after their parents got telephone and the students got pulled into the office, the same afternoon, one of the girls then got photos of my daughter up on her phone with a group of girls and started taking the pi$$ out of her, this was overheard by another student who has told my daughter.

There is one girl who seems to be persistent and not letting this go.

[EmergencyPoncho]

Bloody hell. I don't know. But I'd talk to the police re malicious communication. You could speak with the school and ask what their strategy is moving forwards. Then if nothing, you could speak with the governors. That is following a procedure of sorts. If you keep pushing, the school will do something. This must be awful, I'm so very sorry.

[whysoserious123]

Hope that this week is a better week for your child OP!

Bullying is never ok !

[MrsPixi]

@whysoserious123

Hope that this week is a better week for your child OP!

Bullying is never ok !

Thank you. No it isnt. Other boys have messaged her saying why are you saying you want to kill yourself etc. Shes blocked then other girls. It seems she has no one is on her side. She asked another group of girls if she could hang around with them and they basically said No.

It seems because her 'group' have fallen out with her nobody else wants anything to do with her.

Its literally breaking my heart I'm crying every night in bed I feel powerless. One boy even said to her they are taking it too far now .

[threecupsofteaminimum]

This is awful, the police really do need to be involved in speaking to the girl who is the ringleader because if she's bullying and making threats to the point where your daughter has no one to support her at school and she isn't able to even attend, I mean if something happens to your daughter, it's not worth thinking about.

[190190tnt]

I don't know if this would help:
actagainstbullying.org/