Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Is this classed as Bullying?

102 replies

MrsPixi · 10/02/2022 11:14

I have a 13 year old daughter who is now refusing to go into school.

She has been completely ostracised by her friendship group.

They no longer wish to be her friend. What they are also doing now is any girl which my daughter speaks to they are approaching them stating why are you speaking to her so she doesn't have one person who will hang around with her now.

She messaged some girls asking if they would hang around with her and they said No. They have now joined my DD's old friendship group.

We have gone through her phone and she has messages stating she is “jealous” over something, “you’ve gone home and burst into tears babe”, “you’ve no friends to chat to now tbh” and even an earlier message saying “die”.

She is now refusing to go to school as she doesn't have one single friend. School are involved and I'm waiting to see what can be done about it, but we cannot force people to be friends with her.

Ive looked at the school bullying policy which states purposely excluding someone is classed as emotional bullying.

Im so worried I can't eat or sleep.

Any advice?

OP posts:

MrsDWashington · 22/04/2022 08:02

Memyselfandfood · 22/04/2022 07:34

Disgusting.
what is going on with the parents? If you’re being pulled in time after time for your child then what do you think is going on?
hold your heads up.

Exactly what I was thinking! What the heck are her parents doing?

Bullies thrive on power and control and every time she is hearing that my DD is refusing to go to school and suffering she is laughing about it.

Its affected us all as a family its been horrendous.

User2538309 · 22/04/2022 08:04

Often parents are quick to say “bullying” for one incident of meanness or thoughtlessness. This isn’t the case, it’s textbook bullying.

If you can’t find a way to solve it, please give her some options eg to move schools.

PaulaTrilloe · 22/04/2022 08:05

I think moving the ringleader to another school would give her a dose of her own medicine. It might also inconvenience the parents. Yes you can report to police as you have received malicious communications OP and you can also report third party bystander witness on behalf of your daughter. I wish you both a positive outcome.

User2538309 · 22/04/2022 08:09

My apologies, I have now read your update and can see you are doing everything possible. I’m so sorry, it must be incredibly hard.

One piece of advice/suggestion - does she have friends outside of school. Does she have any interests or even things she used to enjoy? activities quite possibly saved my life.

User2538309 · 22/04/2022 08:09

*Outside activities quite possibly save my life

Arianya · 22/04/2022 08:16

You need to change your daughter’s phone number to prevent the bullies contacting her. Block messages on every platform. Home needs to be a safe space. This sounds like a very severe situation that could lead to a terrible ending if you don’t protect her. She’s being psychologically damaged by this abuse. If she was my child I’d take her out of school and home educate.

PaulaTrilloe · 22/04/2022 08:17

Check out communities Inc website about reporting hate crime and the role of the bystander.

www.communitiesinc.org.uk
Link

RoisinD · 22/04/2022 08:24

So glad to hear you got the police involved and your daughter is getting support. Perhaps you need to visit your GP and get some support for yourself. How have the parents of the others reacted to police involvement?
Thank you for coming back and updating us.

Fulmine · 22/04/2022 08:27

MrsPixi · 12/02/2022 12:34

[quote Fastforwardtospring]@MrsPixi is moving school an option? In my experience even after the children/parents are spoken to, the bullies just laugh about it afterwards. Has your DD been going to school throughout, can you keep her at home for a few days and say she is refusing school, if DC refuse school because of issues, they have to be seen to do some thing about it. We did this, school were more on board but we did eventually move. You have my utmost sympathy, going through bullying with my DD has been one of my most traumatic parenting times. It took months after she moved schools for the weight to lift off my shoulders.[/quote]

This is what's happened. Even after parents have been spoken to, the school have pulled them in twice, and one girl STILL carried on doing it the same afternoon. It's actually disgusting. I am absolutely furious.

Have you told the school this girl is still bullying your daughter? They need to think about excluding her.

Dumblebum · 22/04/2022 08:29

This is awful. Do you know what caused it op in the first place?

cansu · 22/04/2022 08:33

Check the policy and then ask what it will take for the other student to be excluded. I would also be asking the school to help by getting some of the onlookers to support her. Having other girls around her that support her will be very important.

MrsDWashington · 22/04/2022 08:35

Threetulips · 22/04/2022 08:00

Well done for involving the police, did they do anything effective?

this girl needs excluding permanently / at what point does that happen? Have her parents been in contact because if it was one of mine I’d be dragging them round with an apology! some parents have no shame.

how is your daughter now? Did any of the others apologize or hand round with her?

Her parents have not been in contact whatsoever and I know one of the parents
from school.

None of the others have apologised and have all stuck with this bullying girl.

All the police did was log the incident and get in touch with school.

Fulmine · 22/04/2022 08:35

There is no other school in our area with a capacity to take her.

Nevertheless, you can make a formal application for a transfer and, if it is refused, appeal. To win an appeal, you need to show that prejudice to your daughter from being refused a place is greater than the potential prejudice to the school. You obviously have an extremely strong case to prove that, especially if you can get something like a report from your doctor or CAMHS to back you up.

The current school seems to be being a bit feeble. It sounds like they had ample reason to exclude the persistent bully back in February, and it's extraordinary that she's still there. I suspect your daughter isn't the only person she's bullying.

Threetulips · 22/04/2022 08:35

This is awful. Do you know what caused it op in the first place?

bad parenting from the bullies parents?
bully being insecure and hateful?
bully wanting to feel powerful?
bulky getting attention for being a bitch?

why ask OP? She’s not the bullies parent?

Gaspingandleaping · 22/04/2022 08:47

This is so awful to read.

Does your daughter have a sibling? At that school?

MrsDWashington · 22/04/2022 08:55

Gaspingandleaping · 22/04/2022 08:47

This is so awful to read.

Does your daughter have a sibling? At that school?

No shes an only child but she does have older family members there who have also told this girl to leave her alone to no avail.

MadeForThis · 22/04/2022 09:15

Report every incident to the police. Be the squeaky wheel. Your daughter was assaulted. She's being bullied.

I would also push to move school. The friendships will never recover - not that you would want them too - but even if the direct bullying stops, your daughter won't forget this. She needs to move on and start somewhere fresh.

Knifer · 22/04/2022 09:33

It's such a shame it can't be dealt with the way it was done when I was in school. Older relative would find the bully and either give them a darn good kicking or put the fear of god into them that they would get one. People think that uncivilised but it bloody worked 90 % of the time. Also I have a friend, Kelly, who told the mum of a bullying little cow that if she didn't rein her daughter in, Kelly would then give that mum a taste of the treatment her daughter was giving to Kelly's daughter. That stopped it pretty damn fast as well. Obviously most people can't or won't do that but it makes you want to.

My advice is to use the more powerful tools that are available to you in this era. When my daughter was experiencing a very similar situation to yours, I pulled her out of school and told the heel dragging pastoral care that if they didn't sort it out by the end of the following week, I'd go to the local paper about their endemic bullying problem and I'd post the screenshots of all the texts I'd provided them with to their social media. I had lots of "what do you expect us to do?" conversations, meetings where it was seven members of staff against just me, but stood firm that they were failing in their duty of care and failing to safeguard my child. I told them to do whatever it took, get all the parents in and show them the CCTV of their brats shunning my crying daughter at lunch, throwing rubbish at her etc. I even asked them what they thought might happen to reputations and social standing if someone thought to make a tiktok video (I haven't a clue how) and include all screenshots of texts. Remarked on how a previously good reputation can be destroyed overnight, but that is insignificant when my child could also take her own life in an instant in response to this, and shared statistics about children attempting or committing suicide in the U.K. in response to bullying.

It was sorted out before the weeks end and they tightened their anti bullying policy and sanctions. Unfortunately for DD, the damage was well and truly done, and I had to move her to a different school for her own mental well-being. You should consider the same. But make them sort it out first, just for some sense of justice and closure.

MrsDWashington · 25/04/2022 13:11

UPDATE

Does anyone know how I go about moving my daughter to another school?

She is under CAHMS, the police are involved school are involved but this one girl in particular is now just constantly staring at her following her wherever she goes and she just feels intimidated.

Do I have to apply to our local council?

BlanketsBanned · 25/04/2022 13:19

The ringleader needs to be excluded, she sounds unhinged, your dd needs to move to another school where she will be safer and make new friends.

BlanketsBanned · 25/04/2022 13:23

Try Kidscape website, can she be home schooled for a while.,would she be interested in joining outside activities like Guides, sports, crafts.

MrsDWashington · 25/04/2022 13:28

BlanketsBanned · 25/04/2022 13:19

The ringleader needs to be excluded, she sounds unhinged, your dd needs to move to another school where she will be safer and make new friends.

Do you know how to go about moving her? It doesn't look like the ringleader will be excluded.

Greatoutdoors · 25/04/2022 13:43

Definitely bullying. Your poor DD and poor you. I moved my son at the start of year 9 and it was a really positive move. I would be considering the same for your daughter if it is as widespread as it sounds.

Greatoutdoors · 25/04/2022 13:45

Just seen your update. Have a look at any schools which you think may be suitable and ask if they have places available in the correct year group. Their admissions teacher or the head will be able to help you with the process.

PaulaTrilloe · 16/05/2022 06:11

Can't the police issue a non molestation order against bully as they are now getting into stalking territory now if they are following your daughter and staring at them? If it was a boy or a man doing it we'd react like this,

Flip

1 2 3 4 5