How can I sort this out once and for all? Secondary school

[MercedesDeMonteChristo]

I hope it’s ok to post this here, it isn’t bullying in the traditional sense I don’t think.

DC has had an ongoing problem with another child for about a year. They knew each other at primary school where the child caused some problems for other children and I’ve personally witnessed starting trouble in playgrounds and things to the point of coming to blows with random other kids.

After harassing a mutual friend my DC decided to cut ties, blocked him etc. The child then continually approached him in the playground repeatedly pushing him and swearing at him. I flagged it in Sept as I could see how it might escalate but what appears to happen (as witnessed by teachers on two occasions) the boy approaches, swears and pushes myDC then he retaliates and the boy then tell teachers that DS has hit/pushed/swore at him and then my DC gets into trouble.

DS has stayed away as he has been told to do. I’ve spoken with the parents and asked them ensure that their DC stays away too. I was met with my DC did this and that (which he has admitted to in retaliation) but her DS says he has done absolutely nothing. There have been multiple fights with others that also are not this boys fault.

It transpires that this child approached mine on the way home and swore at him, pushed him against a wall and punched him in the back. DS apparently punched him back in the face and ran (two friends who don’t have any issues with the other boy corroborate this). Today the child was not at school and my DS received a detention.

I have a meeting with the school tomorrow. I have repeatedly flagged the problems, accepting that DS does retaliate once things get to a certain point.
But now this boy is approaching him on the street!

I need to do something but I don’t know what. I am at the end of my tether with it.

What can we do? The parents refuse to accept that their son is doing anything wrong, and that my child is in the wrong (as is every other child and teacher that this boy has problems with) and the school seem to be taking a ‘whoever tells first’ approach.

I feel that this boy is harassing DS and he knows he can get a rise from him if he pushes hard enough. I want to suggest to the parents that one more incident and we will have to seek legal advice about harrassment/injunctions etc, but I suspect that isn’t viable at all.

I just want this boy to piss off.

As awful and relentless as the other child's behaviour is I do think your child needs to learn to not resort to punching as a first line of defense/defending others.

Parents in a room together probably won’t ever go well to be honest. As unfair as it seems your ds needed to walk away from that situation rather than involving himself in the interaction between this boys and his friends.

DS has had similar issues since secondary school a big factor in managing it has been getting DS to not get involved in anything that is going on between other people.

As awful and relentless as the other child's behaviour is I do think your child needs to learn to not resort to punching as a first line of defense/defending others.

I do agree. 100%.

However, his first line of defence was to ask him to leave them alone. He was then punched and grabbed around the throat. He then threw a punch to get the boy off him.

He is going to have to not get involved. It wasn’t his argument, but why can this boy not just accept none of them are friends and just go about his business.

And what’s the next step if not parents in room?

DS was sanctioned, of course but it seems that the boy has a higher sanction. No idea why.

NEVER agree to get parents together in a room.

It's the schools problem they have to sort.

My ds spent months and months of this shit and always getting equal punishment when pushed to limit and even for kicking the kid in the shins when he had him pinned to wall by the throat because he would t let him go.

Even in that incidence according to the school ds should have told a teacher (they couldn't tell me how!)

Unfortunately in our case because my ds wasn't allowed to defend himself and the other pupil was never categorically told to stop it escalated to him pulling a knife on ds in class.

Even then the school tried to blame ds

IMO you have two choices. Involve police yourself now or move him schools. Or even both.

I would never leave my ds somewhere again we here I knew he'd be allowed to be a target until he snapped back. They should never need to get to the point they fight back because they should be safeguarded.