Bullying ? Teacher improper contact

[Respect17]

Please read this and advise me.
I am a parent of 2 children at the same school.
On a parent teacher evening last year. While standing next to both children...long after school had finished.
A teacher barked orders at my child unfairly. I didnt do anything.
Some months later the same male teacher approached from behind me as i waited in playground .
He put his hand on me. Asked me questions referring to children .names which he got wrong .
I didnt say a word .i felt uncomfortable with him. And he left.
I didnt report it.
This week . I collected my child in playground as usual. School has a policy not to ride bicycles scooters in grounds.
My child collected their scooter as i waited for my youngest. He walked his scooter down path. As 3 children zoomed past me towards him.
The same male teacher shouted my sons name .singling him out even though others were at fault.
This point was enough for me.
I walked towards teacher .about 2 mtrs. He was still 4 mtrs away.
I told him not to talk to my son like he was an animal.
And i stopped.
Teacher approached me angry with his chest puffed out.
As he came within arms length. I wondered was he going to touch me like before.
I asked him to "go away"
He was enraged
I asked again.
Go away.
He did not take his eyes from me.
I said go away or i will assault you.
He walked away.
Reported my last ditch attempt as a threat.
Now
I am being interviewed by headmaster.
I have since found. The teacher has a history of similar and only just back from a suspension.

I have given the school my full statements. And asked..... to keep off school grounds.
Help .

Yabu.

You shouldn't have criticised him for speaking to your son like an animal you should have said "xxx is pushing not riding the scooter like the others."

You shouldn't have threatened him and now have to apologise for that.

However his behaviour was unacceptable too so certainly complain. But after threatening him your opinion may not be valued as highly unfortunately.

You've threatened him with violence, so you've escalated the situation quite rapidly and now you're likely to struggle to get your point across because you're on the defensive. It's hard to know why he's single your son out just from what you've said so far, did he definitely completely ignore the other children on scooters, or did you only hear your son's name because his is the one you're tuned in to hearing, so to speak?

I doubt he even remembers the other "incidents", after all he must speak to many different patents each day.

"past contact" he put his hand on your shoulder. What has he actually done to make you feel threatened? Your reaction seems extreme.

You threatened to assault a teacher. Good gracious. No wonder they are taking it seriously, not sure what you expected would happen?

Thanks everyone.
I am honestly upset i did not report any of these incidents immediately. Maybe i let them fester.
I was alone in playground when hand was put on me.
I wasnt ignoring the teacher.
He was asking me about children who he thought i was parent of.
Different names. Which i must have looked puzzled to him.
I did not threaten him infront of my son or anyone else. I was approached and he was not willing to go away.
Sorry

Why didn't you just say they weren't your children instead of saying nothing ?

All sounds very strange and you are bandying the word 'abuse ' a lot. I am not surprised we have so many children in school using that word if you even brush up close to them these days. I recently asked a child to look at me whilst I was talking to him recently and he told me that was 'abuse'.

Even if the teacher is unreasonable and a bully you've completely shot yourself in the foot .
' I will assault you ' who talks like that ?
That's such an insane thing to say . You're lucky they didn't involve the police.
Why didn't you correct him when talked to you about kids that weren't yours ?
I honestly don't think you've any comeback with this .

Op,
Think carefully before your meeting with the Head. You need to separate the two issues.
First you need to apologise unreservedly for the threat to assault him. That was inappropriate and you need to accept this and guarantee that it won't happen again. The Head has a duty of care to everyone and needs to know that you understand that your threat was wrong and will never repeat it to any adult or child no matter what the circumstances.

Then I would explain that there was a context and you would like to explain why you were so alarmed by him approaching you and that is what caused you to react like that. Then calmly detail how he has previously invaded your personal space and your concerns about him inappropriately targeting your child. Make it clear that this is a separate issue and you are not trying to excuse your behaviour - but you do want to separately raise concerns that you now realise you should have raised earlier.

If the Head is not prepared to listen to your context (and given your direct threat, they may not wish to hear it), then I would put it in writing - but not as an 'excuse' for what you said. I'd also make it very clear to your child (if they heard / know what you said) that you were very wrong to threaten him and that you are very sorry.

Do I understand this correctly? He has:

• Put his hand on your shoulder.
• Twice shouted your child's name.
• Got you mixed up with another parent.
• Approached you with a puffed out chest.

Put all that down in a letter with the same forensic approach to detail that you've used here. It's important you get it in before the end of term- teachers need a laugh after a hard year.

So he just went through a list of Children's names asking you which were yours?

You lost all the high ground when you threatened to assault him. Sadly even if his behaviour is not acceptable (like hand on shoulder) the school are less likely to take it seriously and see the complaint as revenge for being banned.

You can go ahead with the complaint but be factual (not abuse and other emotive language you used on here) and to the point.

And keep in mind that even if your complaint is upheld it doesn't mean your ban will be removed. You threatened a member of staff on school grounds,that's definitely not acceptable.

Actually keeping his hand on your shoulder for two minutes, is that right? That sounds threatening and scary really. You should , after apologising yourself, concentrate on this as your main complaint. It's not OK to touch someone without their permission, a tap on the shoulder perhaps at a stretch I could excuse but even then I would consider it rude.

I am quite shocked at the behaviour on both sides here.

I thank everyone for positive and negative comments here.
Thank you for taking the time to help me see .
I will say now i have apologized for my "last ditch attempt" threat as it was done only to remove the male teacher from my personal space. I based this on prior events. Prior events which should have been reported thru correct channels. Bear in mind my partner works at the school, was aware of past interactions and didnt suggest that route.
Now the school has my apology. But i do know i dont make a habit of going around threatening people ever.
Thank you again for voicing all the different opinions on this matter. I have taken all of them to heart.

What a brave update. It is sometimes hard in the moment. If anything else happens that makes you uncomfortable at any time do raise it. If left to fester you can let it get out of proportion in your head.
Good luck.

I’m sorry you went through this. But what confuses me, is when he ‘put his hands on your shoulders for two minutes’, did you not step away, say ‘please can you remove your hands you are making me uncomfortable’ and explain straight away that he had the wrong children. Two minutes is a long time.

Threatening assault is an extreme reaction. Don’t forget many teachers ARE assaulted by parents, no wonder you are banned.

Regardless of if and why he was suspended, the head teacher still has a duty of care to their staff. Which I’m confused that your partner being a teacher has failed to grasp.

Holy Jesus! Go away or I will assault you?? He should have had you removed and banned from school premises for that
And how did he give your child an order “unfairly”?
If your partner really is a teacher (!) what insight can they offer you regarding the inappropriateness of your behaviour?
Your kids must be mortified by you, God help them.

Your partner is a teacher at this school??