Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

It's so unfair - I just want to be able to BF my babies

106 replies

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 19:54

I so need to get over this. I don't know if I need to see someone to help me get over it. Seeing all these threads about how crap FF is and how wonderful BFing is has really got to me tonight.
I couldn't feed either of my DS's as I have crap breasts thanks to PCOS causing them to be tubular hyperplastic. It's just so unfair. I know I should count myself lucky to have children at all. I find it so difficult as a lot of friends have had babies at the same time or just after me and some of them can go on a bit about bfing their babies. It really hurts, especially as they know I'm struggling to get over it - not that they should have to hide BFing from me at all. I usually try to change the subject but it doesn't work very well. Why can't I just accept it and get over it? My two DS's are so perfectly healthy and haven't suffered for being formula fed. It's just another kick in the teeth every time I prepare a bottle.

I should be incredibly grateful for formula but it seems to be deemed the height of evilness on MN

Just ranting but thanks for reading anyway, sigh........

OP posts:

monkeyfacegrace · 12/12/2009 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

IBlameThePMT · 12/12/2009 20:07

You are doing the right (and only) thing by your babies. You have no choice. At the end of that day, BF versue FF isn't some defining factor in your babies' health and happiness. It's how you love them, feed them as they grow, how you teach them to adopt a healthy lifestyle as adults etc etc. The breast versus formula debate is too polarised on here methinks so try not to let it get to you. It isn't evil to FF. For some, it may be an easier option (but who are we to judge?) and for others it is the only option, so my advice is to avoid the BF threads for a while!

ZippysMum · 12/12/2009 20:08

fruitbatlings.

you have absolutely no reason to beat yourself up over having boobs that don't do what they should.

I am infertile, took 6 years and a whole load of invasive treatment to have my dcs - there is some evidence that children born from fertility treatment are less healthy but - they wouldn't be here without that treatment. I'm not going to dwell on it as the choice was taken out of my hands.

It's so hard - I have struggled like mad with bf, but had no medical reason - just thrush, mastitis and very sore bbs. I think comments and info that is directed at those who choose not to bf / don't get the right support / give up when it gets tricky are awful to hear if you are actually the one in a hundred who physically can't.

Let it go. You're finding it hard to let it go because you are such a fab mum and want to do the very best for your dcs. You can only do what you can do!

Maybe (for tonight at least) wine is the answer

WilfSell · 12/12/2009 20:09

Fruitbatlings, I am sorry you have PCOS and struggled with BF. I think it is often pretty hard for women who don't have the obstacles you faced. I really, really struggled to BF too and was very close to stopping a number of times with each child.

No-one is trying to make you feel guilty.

Your comment about evilness is your choice of words - it isn't evil, it is something women turn to because they feel they have too. And some women choose to.

The points that are made about BF are made because it is an issue for babies in general - we need to debate what is appropriate feeding for babies, in the same way we debate what is appropriate nutrition in our older children.

But because it is an emotional time, it gets wrapped up in so much more stuff. Lots of women who have been in your position have managed to 'grieve' for the feeding they hoped would happen and move on with more acceptance than before. Aitch was one for example. Maybe you could find some of their posts and that might help? Or ring one of the BF helplines to see if you could find someone to talk to about it?

Original poster

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 20:09

Thank you for putting a smile on my face monkeyfacegrace

OP posts:

WilfSell · 12/12/2009 20:10

and monkeyfacegrace, you on the other hand are a fucking idiot.

tiktok · 12/12/2009 20:10

fruitbatlings.....you deserve as much support as any other mother.

No one sensible here or anywhere else equates formula with evil.

monkey - away with your nazi comments. Uncalled for and actually rather silly, given that no one calls into question your mothering abilities.

Original poster

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 20:12

and all the others too. I know those threads aren't aimed at women like me but find it hard to think rationally when I read them. I shouldn't read them but I suppose it's a bit like rubbernecking, gotta have a peak....
Maybe I should hide the BFing topic completely

OP posts:

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 12/12/2009 20:15

This is exactly why those militant breastfeeders make me mad as mad, fruity. Honestly, my blood is boiling on your behalf. I don't know what to say to you except my heart aches for you and you really should not feel this way. Your babies are healthy and wonderful and lucky to have such a caring mum. It is awful that this is Mumsnet, a forum for Mums, yet you are made to feel bad about this.

Am sorry. Please ignore them. And please please please be assured that not all breastfeeders feel the same way.

monkeyfacegrace · 12/12/2009 20:16

No Wilf Im not an idiot, Im in the same boat as OP and am getting totally pissed off with the whole of mumsnet breaking out into a ff vs bf war. And upsetting people, real living people when they have no right to.

IBlameThePMT · 12/12/2009 20:21

Monkey and Wilf - you both epitomise what goes wrong with posts concerning BF and FF. You should both sort yourselves out.

Original poster

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 20:22

non fighting thread please!

OP posts:

monkeyfacegrace · 12/12/2009 20:27

Im not fighting fruitbat, my original comment was aimed at dicks like the one who started the thread about formula on prescribtion,which is exactly the kind of thread that is making you feel the way you do.

Our babies are no worse off than those who were bf. I cant argue that breast is best, but lets be honest, when you become an adult and get a thousand other things to worry about, who cares what you ate for the first 6 months?

We sign up to do our best when we have our babies, but we all do things differently, there is no wrong or right.

(And can I also just point out that Ive made no personal attacks so find it slightly amusing that I have had one aimed at me)

BigusBumus · 12/12/2009 20:29

monkeyfacegrace and fruitbatlings, I am with you both. I tried so hard to bf both my sons. But i have inverted nipples that although can be "sucked out" during sex or whatever, I produced sooooooo much milk in my boobs that they went to twice their size and my already crap npples were spread out and stretched even further (to nothing). There was no hope.

I had ABSOLUTELY NO CHOICE but to FF. And yet i spent 4 months with HUGE amounts of milk spilling out of me and 7months for it to go away completely, just to add insult to injury.

My boys are happy and healthy, have no excema, no asthma and didn't die of cot death and all the other things i was led to believe would happen.

But i had no guidance, no advice form the HV, could not collect nectar or Tesco points on FMilk. And every step of the way I am made to feel a FAILURE, 2ND CLASS and putting my children at a delberate DISADVANTAGE.

When DS2 was 10 weeks i was in the bath with him and he started to cry. My partner was out, and alone and not sure what to do for DS I tentatively stuck my crap inverted nipple in his mouth partly to confort him, partly out of curiosity to see what it felt like. He managed to suck it out a bot and we sat there for about 3minutes, with him comforted and with me sobbing my heart out. Like i am right now.

HumphreyCobbler · 12/12/2009 20:31

I am sorry fruitbatlings, it is so hard. I didn't manage to feed my first baby, even though I didn't have a medical reason for it, I just didn't manage it. It is not your fault. I hope you can move on. Think of all the love you give them, that is so much more important than anything else.

Original poster

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 20:35

aw bigusbumus you and me both (the tears) I tried the same with DS2 after quite a lot of weeks after stopping trying to BF. I sat there desperately trying to get DS2 to suck but he wasn't having any of it - it was heartbreaking I couldn't even comfort him, had to get a bottle in the end. Why do we do it to ourselves?

OP posts:

Original poster

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 20:40

thank you humphrey - yes they do get a lot of love.

OP posts:

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 12/12/2009 20:42

Honestly ladies, tears from me too. Not on my behalf (I breastfed two children relatively easily for quite a long time) but on behalf of the wonderful, brilliant, utterly lovely friends I have who couldn't breastfeed and who still feel badly about it years later. It is a SHAME on the rest of us that you feel this way.

BigusBumus · 12/12/2009 20:45

Still sitting here sobbing, must be the wine! . Its amazing it can still do this to me after 3 years.

Funnily enough my SIL had a baby girl 2 days ago and her boobs are so massive that she has lasted 2 days trying to bf and has eventually HAD to give her Formula and is feeling the same hideous guilt/tears etc. Her boobs are truly gigantic (32 GG) on her size 8 body that she had to hold a boob and point it into her baby's mouth and remain completely alert or risk smothering her. (she's only 6lb5). She tried to feed for 4 hours yesterday and ended up in agony and exhausted and her baby eventualy took 4oz of milk in a bottle in 10 mins. She obvously wasn't getting the milk from her mum on all those 4 hours.

Cue lots of tears and sadness from SIL and lots of "its not your fault", "she will be fine, don't beat yourself up about it" from me.

But you do and I can honestly say that its other women and HVs that make you feel this way. Not men, they don't give a toss. What happened to female solidarity and support on this issue?

Still weeping like a fool. Must chuck the rest of he sauvignon away!

Original poster

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 20:46

Oh dear - I didn't mean to start a tear fest - sorry I'm staring to feel a little better thanks to you lovely lot
I've learnt my lesson about the breastfeeding threads on MN. I will try not to rise to them in future. Ignore, ignore , ignore. Although it's a bit hard when it appears on FB too from the MN group Did anyone see that one?

OP posts:

monkeyfacegrace · 12/12/2009 20:47

Bigus, you havent had nearly enough wine if you can still spell it

Original poster

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 20:48

your poor SIL but at 32 GG boobs! I'd love a pair of those - obviously not for BFing but a nice big pair would be nice, I'm still waiting for mine to grow at 30 years old!

OP posts:

BigusBumus · 12/12/2009 20:49

I squinted with one eye at the label! x

BigusBumus · 12/12/2009 20:52

Fruitbatlings she is booked for an NHS breast reduction next year. Honestly they hang to her waist and she is such a pretty, fashionable and cool girl. A Fatface type of girl if you know what i mean. So pleased she was accepted for reduction for free. But they made her wait till she had finished her family "because of breast feeding" LOL!

Original poster

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 20:55

I honestly believe that the size of your boobs must be an issue when BFing. I have small flat ones due to not having enough milk producing glands. Your SIL obviously had too many glands. Everyone always says size makes no difference but I'm not convinced. Surely the more glands you have, the more milk you make?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5