Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

It's so unfair - I just want to be able to BF my babies

106 replies

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 19:54

I so need to get over this. I don't know if I need to see someone to help me get over it. Seeing all these threads about how crap FF is and how wonderful BFing is has really got to me tonight.
I couldn't feed either of my DS's as I have crap breasts thanks to PCOS causing them to be tubular hyperplastic. It's just so unfair. I know I should count myself lucky to have children at all. I find it so difficult as a lot of friends have had babies at the same time or just after me and some of them can go on a bit about bfing their babies. It really hurts, especially as they know I'm struggling to get over it - not that they should have to hide BFing from me at all. I usually try to change the subject but it doesn't work very well. Why can't I just accept it and get over it? My two DS's are so perfectly healthy and haven't suffered for being formula fed. It's just another kick in the teeth every time I prepare a bottle.

I should be incredibly grateful for formula but it seems to be deemed the height of evilness on MN

Just ranting but thanks for reading anyway, sigh........

OP posts:
monkeyfacegrace · 12/12/2009 20:56

Bloody hell, how did she blag that one! Mine were 34H and I had to pay for a reduction, cost me 6.5k! NHS wouldt fund at all. Then had my ds and Im back to a 34FF but so perky I dont even need a bra .

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 20:56

but then, as you say, she had too much milk which was just as much a problem as not having enough

OP posts:
BigusBumus · 12/12/2009 21:02

No its was me that had too much milk! And my boobs are small (34b) with inverted nips. SILs are massive with proper nipples but hardly any milk. So that goes against your theory about small boobs.... I could have literaly fed a whole nation!

I wish i had known about milk donation for special care babies.I could've kept them going for months.

StealthPolarBear · 12/12/2009 21:03

can't be bothered with the usual kick off on this thread

OP, I'm one of the "nazis" (not your word i know) but agree formula is not evilness in the slightest (formula marketing on the other hand is a bit more evil ). For mothers who can't bf it's a lifesaver and it's the only acceptable substitute to bm. It increases the risks of ill health, but it's not definite either way (as the mum of the snottiest, vomitiest bf child, i know what I'm talking about!). Your DSs sound healthy and happy and are blessed with a mum who loves them and does the best for them.
I am sorry you feel so bad about not being able to bf. How old are your DSs?

BigusBumus · 12/12/2009 21:04

monkey we live in Beds, perhaps its easier here? But if you saw her you would see that she is deformed by them and in agony most of the time.

Feel better now. Thank you. xxxxxx

BigusBumus · 12/12/2009 21:12

stealth, are we (mothers who CAN'T bf) not allowed to have information and choice directed at us then? Don't forget its ILLEGAL for newborn and first milks to be marketed, so we have absolutely no guidance for the first 6 months, just when we need it most. Would it be evil to direct their marketing at us? And if so why?

I'm no having a go at you personally, honestly, but saying what you said and that it increases the risk oif ill-health, etc, just doesn't help to make us feel any better. You have a snotty vomitty BF child, I have extremely robust healthy unsnotty, unvomitty kids. I don't get this imginary division in the right and wrong camps.

Rainbowinthesky · 12/12/2009 21:13

Marketing wouldnt actually give you the information you are after. If it was governed by the nhs you'd stand a chance.

PrincessToadstool · 12/12/2009 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigusBumus · 12/12/2009 21:19

so apart from MN and friends, how are we supposed to feel confident in our formula milk choice, bottle choice, sterilser choice etc?

For example i chose SMA for DS2 based on the fact that it was readily available in my local co-op. It made him terribly constipated at 10 days (like squeezing a tube of toothpaste) and i asked HV about changing brands and she refused to give me any advice, saying she wasn't allowed.

I eventually changed to C&G, bt with no help whatsoever. Would have loved someone o have broken them all down for me, pros and cons of each brand etc.

Rainbowinthesky · 12/12/2009 21:21

But marketing doesnt tell you that!

escortss · 12/12/2009 21:22

We all seem to have a sense of perspective and sanity about the food that our older kids eat. We try to do our best, but don't expect perfection at all times, and in all situations.

Can all the BF militants honestly hand on heart say that every morsel of food that has passed their DCs' lips has been perfectly healthy, organic and freshly prepared?? If they can, then well done, if not then please afford others the understanding and leniency (Sp???) that you afford yourself.

My own DCs were both BF for a pitiful amount of time, but now eat more heathily, and more balanced food than the vast majority of kids that I know. When first weaning them, this was my way of 'compensating' for the lack of BF until I realised that teaching them how to eat a healthy balance diet was probably one of the greatest gifts i could give them. My friend's son, who never had any FF at all, now survives on white jam sandwiches, pitta bread, super noodles, cornflakes, whotsits and tangerines- and nothing else!

We all know that BF is better for babies, we just balance that with a whole host of other needs. Please don't beat yourself up for such a long time. You have not deliberately hurt or harmed your children, you have made a wonderful decision to give them the nutrition that they need, in the best way that you could- I know it was a hard decision, I had to make it myself, so well done!

Pannacotta · 12/12/2009 21:23

Sorry you feel bad Fruitbatlings but monkey your post and ref to "breastfeeding nazis" is hugely offensive and totally unwarranted.

And I agree with Princess about no one being able to enforce guilt. Good quote.

BigusBumus · 12/12/2009 21:24

escortss, thank you.

sob

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 21:27

Stealth - My two boys are 4 years old and 9 months old. I certainly hope this thread doesn't kick off

bigus - you are right, we have no guidance for the first 6 months. I had to work out for myself that it was the Aptamil I had given both DS's was making them throw up all the time. I just assumed I had sicky babies. I only realised it was the brand of milk causing them to throw up all the time when I started using Cow and Gate instead - only because the shop didn't stock Aptamil when I ran out.
DS2 hasn't thrown up since.
There's just not enough information on formula. People are reluctant to talk about it - especially on here. Someone tried to talk about it but was accused of advertising

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 12/12/2009 21:28

fruitbat - you couldn't breast feed. THat is very very sad. They have grown up strong and healthy and that is all that matters.

But don't have a go at those who want to promote bfing. They are doing nothing wrong.

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 21:30

cross posts there bigus! great minds too I've heard the same about SMA too.

OP posts:
Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 21:31

I'm not having a go at those who want to promote BFing. It's the ones who are so anti FF that I'm not so keen on

In fact - before I had my children, before I knew I had breast problems. I too was quite anti FF, How wrong was I!

OP posts:
monkeyfacegrace · 12/12/2009 21:34

Princess can you please elaborate. Where has anyone said you are at fault for anything?

BigusBumus · 12/12/2009 21:36

OrmIrian, nobody is having a go at anyone wanting to promote Bfing! Read through and you will see that we all wish we could have done it too and are very, very sad we couldn't.

Just feel agrieved that FFing is met with such negativity and "your child will have ill health and be disadvantaged" if you have no choice but to do it.

NickeeS · 12/12/2009 21:46

I don't think anyone should feel guilty about FF their baby. I was lucky enough to be able to BF however after 4 weeks of endless feeding I would have happily switched to Formula had my DD taken it instead of throwing it up everywhere. If you are unable / uncomfortable breast feeding then you are doing exactley the right thing IMO.

Mshalfcut · 12/12/2009 21:49

I ff all mine never felt guilty in the slightest....but then again mn wasn't around that long ago

StealthPolarBear · 12/12/2009 22:00

Bigus marketing is not information. I am pro information and anti marketing

StayFrostyTheSnowMam · 12/12/2009 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackUpYourPhotosNow · 12/12/2009 22:11

Hi fruitbatlings

Fruitbatlings · 12/12/2009 22:19

I also don't like the term "Breastfeeding Nazi" which is why I would never use it.

I also didn't get my homebirth or waterbirth. Had an emergency c-section with 1st DS and elective with 2nd DS as he was breech - so typical after fighting my whole pregnancy with HOM to be able to use the MLU or have a HB!

I've got a lot of issues with the whole trouble with conceiving, giving birth, breast-feeding. It's something I really want to get over but I'm struggling. I was just looking for some support especially after all the threads lately.

Thank you everyone for your support. I do feel a little better. It's always better to talk these things through with people who are in similar situations. I'm sure I'll be back again when I have my next wobble

OP posts: