Breastfeeding makes me miserable

[froglegs]

My son is 4 weeks old and I am breast and bottle feeding. The truth is that I do not enjoy breastfeeding him. It takes so long and I spend my whole day feeding him and he still doesnt seem satisfied. I end up giving him a bottle so he will sleep and I can have a cup of tea! I have been diagnosed with pnd and am taking antidpressants. I think the whole breastfeeding thing is making me worse. On one hand I dread each breastfeeding session, but on the other hand I would be racked with guilt if I gave up totally. The midwifes are telling me to feed feed feed all day and night and when I am not feeding I should be expressing and it will get better but the thought of it makes my cry. Is that really the way it has to be? I feeling I am missing out on enjoying the first special weeks with my baby. Also how do people feed at night without falling asleep?. I havent slept for my than 2 hours at a time for 4 weeks and I am cracking up! Any advice? I am reaching crisis point. I really want to give up but not sure I can cope with the guilt - everyone makes you feel so guilty!

Hi Frogslegs, I totally understand how you feel about breastfeeding. I'm an older mother with our first DD and wanted to BF so much, but after two weeks i gave up - that was just three days ago. I'm still wracked with guilt and bursting into tears every ten mins (can't talk to friends on the phone as I don't think they'd understand me under the wailing!) I too feel self-pitying and wonder where the joy is... I love my DD so much but feel alone and overwhelmed, however, moving to bottle-feeding has given me some kind of control and I know at least that DD is feeding... It's still hard work though, especially as me and DH still haven't worked out if it's ok to pre-make feeds and store in the fridge and then warm up when needed, or use a thermos... does anyone know - and also I panicked today about being out of the house longer than two hours as I haven't fed DD outside yet - again, any advice on how to be out and about with a bottle fed baby would be much appreciated.

Ultimately I would say follow your heart and make the decision either way that means you are happier so that you can be happier with your baby. That'sfeeling helpless. That's all that matters.

In the meantime, take comfort from the postings - i only joined MN yesterday and am thrilled to read such honest and common sense driven responses - they make all the difference when you're lost and feeling helpless. All the best, frogslegs!

I sterilise the bottles and fill them up with cool boiled water and store them in the fridge until needed. Then I make the feed up and warm it in boiled water in jug.

When going out I take the bottle with cooled boiled water We have a container with 3 compartments - avent I think which I measure the formula into and tip it into the cooled boiled water bottle when needed. We then have a flask (fisher price) which holds boiled water and has a beaker type lid. You then pour the boiling water into that and put the bottle into it - takes a bit longer than warming at home as there is not much water around the bottle.

Don't worry - Totallyfreaked

P.S I am sure there other plastic compartment and bottle warmer things avail - not just the brands I use.

Hi Totally
Well done for breastfeeding for 2 weeks and well done for making a decision. I was faffing around with it all for ages and have now figured out a routine of mixed feeding that I am happy with.
I think maybe you need to let go of the breastfeeding for your own sanity, you gave it a go and it didnt work out. Your baby will be absolutey fine.

I am going to stick my neck out and suggest you might have pnd? you are crying everyday and not feeling you are able to speak to your am feel friends which are signs. I have pnd and am starting to feel better with treatment - maybe you should talk to your GP?

My sister ex ff both of her daughters (who,btw, are both very healthy)and she used to take a small cartons and sterilsed bottles out with her. She also used to measure out bottles of cooled boiler water and take little pots of the correct amount of powder and mix when required, although I think the tin says you should only mix the powder when the water is still hot. I don't think you can pre mix the powdered stuff.

goodluck with everything xxx

Guidance is to mix the powder with water no cooler than 70 deg C. Mixing with cooled boiled water is not considered safe.

This can be a hassle, so that's where ready-to-feed comes in handy.

OP Im a mummy who gave up after a week with my dd, and never botherered trying with my ds. Im convinced trying with dd is what caused my severe depression, and the first few weeks memory has been shattered by negativity. I wasnt doing that again, and the move to ff was the best thing I ever did. Dont waste any more precious newborn time. Buy yourself your steriliser and powder, and go for it! Get your body back, give a bottle in a cafe while looking into your babies eyes, and enjoy feeling normal again.

the most important thing is: for you to be as happy as you can with your baby at this time. once you make the decision to move to bottle feeding, embrace it, and embrace the freedom it will give you and your baby - there is absolutely nothing wrong with bottle feeding - DO NOT ALLOW yourself to feel guilty - i did in hospital after a caesarian, unable to get myself out of bed without crying in pain, and trying to breast feed for 4 days, crying, feeling a complete failure- what a waste of my first few days with my lovely baby. there is still unfortunately a lot of negativity attached to bottle feeding, but that completely ignores the various advantages to both mother and baby -not least the move away from feeling a failure and guilty , towards a much more baby focused, relaxed time for you both in that really important first few weeks, days, months, of their life. all the best, good luck, look after yourself and your baby as only YOU know best. x