Breastfeeding makes me miserable

[froglegs]

My son is 4 weeks old and I am breast and bottle feeding. The truth is that I do not enjoy breastfeeding him. It takes so long and I spend my whole day feeding him and he still doesnt seem satisfied. I end up giving him a bottle so he will sleep and I can have a cup of tea! I have been diagnosed with pnd and am taking antidpressants. I think the whole breastfeeding thing is making me worse. On one hand I dread each breastfeeding session, but on the other hand I would be racked with guilt if I gave up totally. The midwifes are telling me to feed feed feed all day and night and when I am not feeding I should be expressing and it will get better but the thought of it makes my cry. Is that really the way it has to be? I feeling I am missing out on enjoying the first special weeks with my baby. Also how do people feed at night without falling asleep?. I havent slept for my than 2 hours at a time for 4 weeks and I am cracking up! Any advice? I am reaching crisis point. I really want to give up but not sure I can cope with the guilt - everyone makes you feel so guilty!

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just been to the docs. I have got thrush in my boobies and he has colic - wonderful! xx

hi froglegs
i sympathise entirely, felt exactly the same, baby stuck to me continually - how did anyone have time to express/eat/wash? i would try and express when baby fell asleep for 20mins, she would always wake up screaming for more, i could never express enough for a feed anyway. i ended up with depression, anxiety from lack of sleep and felt so trapped - nobody could help me as i was the only one with the milk!
in the end my GP told me it was better for my baby for me to be happy than to be exclusivelly breastfed, so my boyfriend gave her a bottle of formula every night about 10pm which meant she would sleep for 2-3 hours and i could get some rest.
then i started to enjoy breastfeeding!
sleep is what you need.
my baby is now v happy 5month old who has close relationship w dad too, due to their nightly feed/bonding session, and i get to go to bed early and sleep!
give up expressing, give baby some formula and give yourself break.
it does get better too - they learn to smile at you just in the nick of time!

infacol works really well... we tried them all and infacol was best. If they just gave you a cream for your breasts, try to see if you can get flucanazole, the oral tablet. It works 10000x better. I had thrush quite a few times.
vicious cycle of thrush/mastitis.
But I'm not sure how well received that is on MN ? But it worked very very well for us. Also - cranial osteopath.

Also do you have a bouncy vibrating chair? I'll give you mine (free!) if you would like. It really helped us a lot

Hi ticktok - at night, how do I keep in close to me in bed so he sleeps and me sleep as well with risk of cot death? - I have to say I cannot relax if he is on me or near me in the night in case i fall asleep and suffocate him.

Thats what I don't understand about breastfeeding at night. we are told a million times to have them sleep on their backs and not to have them in your bed with you but them I am told it is ok to fall asleep breastfeeding. I am scared to breastfeed at night, in fect I am permantly terrfied he will die of cot death unless he is in his moses basket. I am so confused!

Froglegs. I'm sure, given what you've written since, that my "anecdote" wasn't particularly helpful, but I've one final suggestion.

Now you've said which is your hospital, can I suggest you write an email to the head of obstetrics explaining your experience and where you are now?

I knew who she was because she put an end to my appalling labour/delivery experience, and I did a debrief with her some 18 months later because it was part of the reason I couldn't shake my PND. I also wrote to her 3 years later because I had concerns about my last pg. here in Oz. She was still so good about writing back fully and very helpful.

If you CAT me I'll give you her email.

She said she wants to know things like this (about terrible postnatal care), and it obvioiusly hasn't got any better since my experience 4 years ago. I'm sure if you want to find a way through b'fding or ff, she will be able to give you the right person to see at King's. There is also a brilliant therapist at King's who is there for antenatal care, and she saved me I think. She may well be able to point you in her direction if necessary.

I was going to send her the link to your thread, for info., but that wouldn't help you. This isn't something I've offered before, but you sound as if you've tried every damn person in the book.

Up to you. Just a suggestion.

frogleg, there is no reduction in safety if a breastfeeding baby shares a bed (not a sofa) with a non-smoking, non-drug-using, non-intoxicated adult. You can read how the media has distorted the science here:

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/16/sudden-infant-death-syndrome-children

You can safely co-sleep, and life may well be easier at night if you do

Tiktok

There is still a risk if you bed share with a breastfed infant even in the absence of risk factors. The risk is greatly reduced and is nowhere on the scale of sofa sharing but it does still exist. That's not a blanket don't do it but to be aware that there is still a small increase in the risk. If you'd like someone to go into more detail in relation to this and to discuss it please feel free to ring the FSID helpline which is there for professionals as well as parents.

Just wanted to give you some encouraging support frog. I'm so sorry you are having a rough time with PND.
I had PNI too, but it does get better, I promise.

Please keep trying to get help, and remember you are a good mother doing everything you can for your LO under very difficult circumstances. There is nothing to feel guilty about whatever decisions you have to make.

informationjunkie - you'll be aware that not everyone in this field agrees with the FSID interpretation of the research, and in particular, that there is any increased risk, however small, in co-sleeping/bed sharing under safe conditions.

This is not the thread to discuss this, I don't think. Just to say that the FSID do not have the last word on this.

Froglegs,I noticed your comment that the other mums seemed so much calmer than you.

People only seem calmer because they're not in the thick of feeling depressed and anxious and the overwhelming task of caring for a new baby. Don't imagine for a second that this is because they are somehow better at coping or whatever, just that they've come through the other side.

Breastfeeding is really, REALLY hard at first, even without PND, mastitis, thrush or any of the other things you've had to deal with. I hated it at first too- was extremely anxious, felt pinned to the sofa 24 hours a day etc. I used to weep with exhaustion and frustration at every night feed, and quite a few of the day feeds too. In the end, it got easier and I grew to love it. I often think, however, that it might have been an act of kindness to myself just to let DH give DS a bottle of formula every once in a while.

It will get so much easier as the weeks go by and I would whole heartedly recommend phoning one of the BF helplines (they were wonderful when I felt like I could no longer cope) but... IMO your mental health is as vitally important to your baby's well-being and development. If you decide that FF will allow you to recover more quickly then there is no reason for you to feel guilty. Your baby has already had 4 weeks of breastmilk which is a great achievement under difficult circumstances. There is always guilt and people will always have opinions about the decisions you make. Sod them and decide what's best for you and your family.

Wishing you all the best.

In terms of 'cracking it', I don't remember when it was exactly but I remember there coming a point when my stomach no longer lurched when I heard him cry. I think it was, in all honesty, around 3-4 months. I suppose it took me especially long to settle in to it!
I remember feeding him in the night around then and, instead of just feeling shattered and wishing it was over so I could go back to sleep, I thought it was such a beautiful sight seeing him all cuddled up and contented. It was a lovely moment.....soon to be followed by lots more "FFS, he can't want feeding again?!!"

Dear Frog,

No advice here.

Just sympathy&sharing.

I felt cheated for the first 8 weeks re the 'myths' of breastfeeding. I felt trapped, it was sore, I spent hours watching rubbish telly, I had to listen to my mom et al pushing to change to ff/how abnormally long it was taking to feed. I muttered 'formula' daily, I sobbed many nights. Cluster fed most evenings.Felt guilty for resenting my much wanted DD1.

I got through thanks to fantastic friends (all of whom eventually owned up that this was normal), great bf coucillors,a sensible HV,MN!! and (last but not least) a DH.

At the time I couldn' t see it getting better but it did. Now we have new issues to deal with but it was a phase. Continuing bf is not necessarily the answer.

You need to be healthy(physically&mentally!) to be able to be a good mum.

SO thinking of you.

Hello

thanks for all the reponses. I was nice of people to share their stories.

It would seem that my situation isnt so unusual. i just wish i had know had difficult bf feeding was going to be from the start and I may have been more prepared.

I think i am close to giving up to be honest. I spent 3 hours feeding him on and off this morning he still wasnt satisfied - I am obviously not doing it right (he is always unlatching himself)and I feel i am wasting time if he is not geing any milk. plus i am on so much medication my milk can't be good for him!

I might give another bf consultant one more go but I have had so much positioning advice yet we still can't get the hang of it. I think i may have spolied it by giving him a bottle whne he was first born ( as advised to becasue of jundice)

jackaroo - I think I will write to KCH about my experience there - it will do me good. I dont have the CAT thingy but i will see if my HV has the name of a person I can write to. I am sorry you had a bad time there too.

StarExpat - I would love the vibrating chair - how should I get it?

xxxx

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froglegs

Pulling on and off could also be the difficulty in breathing we talked about yesterday - a slight amend in posit. should deal with it. The bottle you gave will not have had any effect.

Your milk is fine - mostly, the meds which really have an effect are heavy-duty tranx or chemotherapy.

It sounds to me that you are looking for him to show 'being satisfied' as 'being happy to lie down and go to sleep for a measurable time' - this is not the only sign of satisfaction and some babies just need to be close to mum a lot of the time.

None of this means you shouldn't consider stopping - that's for you to decide, weighing everything up. But you might want to think about expectations of 'being satisfied' before you do...up to you

froglegs

I am sorry you are feeling so rotten. I had a very similar experience with DS1. I don't have much to add, except to second the suggestion of a sling. The only other thing that might be worth looking into is tongue tie. DS had a tongue tie which was undiagnosed for months and it meant that he fed very ineffectively and therefore all the time (and I mean ALL the time). He never seemed satisfied and it was very very hard to keep going.

Just a thought.

Take care of yourself.

Frogs
I could have written your post exactly two years ago when my DD was born. I feel so much for you and normally I would not post but I feel compelled to write and send non-MNetty hugs. I live in the same city as you and am desperate to rush round- but that isn't how MN works!
No-one can tell you whether to give up bf or not. The choice is entirely yours. And it is a bloody tough one to make, especially on no sleep at all. I too felt totally betrayed that no-one had told me how tough bf would be, with thrush in my boobs and colicky baby feeding for 1.5hours at a time on average, I thought I was losing my mind. PND is not a picnic and I completely and utterly feel for you. Some babies are just never satisfied and always want to be held and sucking and shouting all day and all night, and they want every cell in your body 24/7. We have all been sold a sham that they feed every 4 hours for 20 mins and then fall into a delightful milk-filled stupour. Your baby isn't doing it, and most other 4 week old babies aren't doing it either, trust me.
On MN people like Tiktok will be able to give you expert advice night and day to help you if you want to bf. And if you decide not to, well, you will feed your baby and they will grow and grow and grow, and the world will not fall in (honest).
Good luck frogs.

Hi Froglegs - if you're still around, the name of the head of ob.s is Ms Leone Penna. You can always just phone and leave a message with her assistant asking to talk to her on the phone/in person.

good luck

J

Hi froglegs I've just seen your post.
I live in Surrey. Are you nearby?

Thanks Jackaroo I will contact her.

Hi Starexpat
I live in south east London so its not far from Surrey. I could drive to pick it up. - He sleeps in the car!!
How do I get your address?

xxx

Great hmmm, I don't have CAT. Is there another way?

I would give you my email address on here, but I don't want to post it as it's my full name...