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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

How old is 'too old' to breastfeed? (long sorry)

105 replies

NaturalMama · 10/08/2009 23:59

My first post on here after lurking for a very long time. I'm also planning to post in AIBU (I'm made of strong stuff!)

I've started to get quite a few snarky comments and dirty looks while breastfeeding my eldest. These are not from mere strangers but from dear close friends and immediate family.

My eldest is 4.2, going into reception and he has had access to 'minty' ( his word) whenever he likes since birth. At the moment he currently has it after breakfast (and after I've fed his sister), in place of and/or just before or after his afternoon kip around 2pm, and just after tea. Sometimes more, sometimes just once. He is very excited about going to school but he's always been a very very shy boy and we've had talks about him not having minty during the day but he seems okay with it. I've never tried to get him to stop as I think if he asks for it, he obviously needs the comfort. He's never had a dummy/comforter and shows no interest in bartering minty time for toys, sweets, etc.

I had a baby when he was 2 who passed away at 4 months old. I do admit that feeding my eldest was just as comforting for me as it was for him during that time, and I felt it wasn't fair on him to go cold turkey when he was having an emotional time as well.

My youngest is just gone 7 months and she feeds about 5 times a day, obviously between when DS has a go.

Family is starting to tease DS about it saying he's not a big boy and his school friends will think he's silly. It's a private thing and we are always alone when we do it (apart from DD and DH) but family/friends ask me if I've stopped yet and I feel a bit huffy about it.

I know he's not getting anything nutritionally out of it, but can I ask the Mumsnet jury what you think? Is it harmless/comforting for him especially at a time of upheaval (i.e. sister being born, loss of second, starting school) or is it time to give it up and if so - how on earth do I go about doing this? It's not about me babying him as I have another baby I can happily feed for at least another two years!

OP posts:

pigletmania · 12/08/2009 11:24

ok thanks, just a bit embarrassed to say in detail here if not ill brave it and go public lol

mummygirl · 12/08/2009 11:35

just checked my profile, it says that i can receive C-A-T msgs from other members, is this what I need? what hapens if you click my name?

mawbroon · 12/08/2009 11:36

Merle - I don't think you are as VERY pro breastfeeding for as long as possible as you think you are if you are if you have a preconceived ideal cut off point. (You must have if you believe that reception age is too old).

Out of interest, when do you think nursing should stop?

pigletmania · 12/08/2009 11:40

well mummygirl as you are an expert in this field my dd is 2.5 years and still uses a dummy and bottle of milk at bedtime and naptime as its comforting to her she does not have a favourite toy and its the only way to get her to sleep, can i leave it a few months, will it affect her speech, she does speak well. what do you think that i should do.

Also this past week i have been trying to pottytrain her and put her in big girls pants but she does not have any awareness of when she has done a wee or poo, does not seem interested even though i have been putting her on the potty for about 5 months to get her used to it and taking her to the loo with me. I have tried rewards but she does not care, when she has done a wee or poo in potty i have praised her and rewarded her but she just runs off without a care. Dd is very young for her age, she does talk but in 3-4 word sentances and would prefer to run about and 'read books' to potty train.

My gut instinct tells me to put her back in nappies until she makes the association and is aware of when she is doing a wee or poo mabey in a few moths time. People are telling me to stick with it and keep her in pants and that eventually she will get it after a couple of months, what do you think. Oh by the way my area is health psychology, studied it at postgrad level. I guess i kinda know the answer myself but just wanted some expert advice

thanks so much

pigletmania · 12/08/2009 11:42

yes we can if i click it, but we would have to subscribe about £5 for the year. i have just posted a message. oh sorry for hyjacking the thread by the way.

PinkTulips · 12/08/2009 11:44

My dd weaned at 12 months due to pregnancy but kept her dummy til almost 4, ds1 is 3 and fed til 2.5 (again pregnancy put an end to it) and still has his dummy.

I stopped discussing bf-ing at about 15 months, i don't think my family have any idea that i fed for as long as i did

The reason i've mentioned the dummy is because people seem to think they have a right to pull it out of my child's mouth, tease them about it, blackmail them to take it out, be mean to them about it and i get so cross

I've had words with my mother about it but it hasn't stopped her completely and i've had to grit my teeth to avoid shouting abuse at an elderly lady in the bank who pulled the dummy out of ds1's mouth and gave out to him

People will always think they are allowed opinions on matters that don't concern them, all you can do for your child is to stand up for them and tell the person being rude that it's none of their business so eff off

mummygirl · 12/08/2009 11:50

hey collegue

where did you study health psy? I did a masters in Health at city university, london, but changed my field and went for a psydoc in child psy when I got pregnant with my first (crazy hormones took over and all that, heh).

I'd say that you're right to wanna put her back in nappies. She's obviously not ready and there's nothing wrong with it. You're only making the process difficult for you and baby. When she's finally ready it'll be piece of cake (although my second was doing poo-poos in a nappy for 6 months after he was toilet trained for wee-wees!!!)

As for the dummy and the bottle, as long as she doesn't have a dummy all day long I don't think her teeth are in danger. Let her be.

Let me make clear though that there are a lot of "correct" paths to follow in such matters. I, both as a parent and a proffessional, am a believer of letting the kids grow in their own pace. The right time comes for everything, and the child will decide when that time is.

HTH.

pigletmania · 12/08/2009 11:54

Thanks pinktulips i know a have a few well meaning friends and relatives putting pressure but if it helps her sleep and means that i get too than so be it. it is a comfort thing as i did/could not bf and she finds the bottle and dummy comforting. my mum comes up to her plucks it out of her mouth and says dirty dummy you dont need that.

pigletmania · 12/08/2009 11:57

I did my MSc at the old London Guildhall Univerity which is now the LOndon Metropolitan uni. I was actually thinking of going into Child psychology as its an area of really great interest to me. I will send you a message though the CAT with my e mail. thanks very much for the advice, no we have weaned her off it all day and now she understands that bottle and dummy only for nap or bedtime.

mawbroon · 12/08/2009 12:10

piglet, IME with ds, it was easier to wait until he was ready for potty training. We had an unsuccessful attempt, and then I waited until he came to me asking. He then cracked it in two days.

I have found the "wait until he's ready" approach makes many things in his life (and mine) easier. (Including weaning from the breast! He will be ready one day)

pigletmania · 12/08/2009 12:13

thanks mawbroon i think that right really, at the end of the day i cant make her toilet trained. i was just saying that here i am with my views on natural term bf and dd still has a bottle and a dummy at 2.5 years if i was bf it might have been the same lol

mawbroon · 12/08/2009 12:15

Hey piglet, you never know! You might turn into one of us breastfeeding matrons yet!!

pigletmania · 12/08/2009 12:45

he he he you never know, i had a dream lastnight that i had another lo and i was bf and had loads of milk he he he

pigletmania · 12/08/2009 12:49

well we are trying for another little one, now news at the moment though, but will contact the NCT if it does happen to see if there are bf councellors in my area. I wish that i had discovered mumsnet before i had my dd and that relactation is possible, i thought that once its all gone its all gone, but not necessarily.

mawbroon · 12/08/2009 12:50

Good luck. I hope you have some good news soon.

We will be here for you on MN when the time comes.

pigletmania · 12/08/2009 12:52

thanks very much mawbroon. hows your pregnancy going are you nearly due

mawbroon · 12/08/2009 12:54

Oh gosh, no. Only 11 weeks. Not due til Feb.

Feeling a bit yuk today, but I guess that's a good sign!

nappyaddict · 12/08/2009 13:14

"They do not need it nutritionally. I wouldn't let them have a dummy at that age (not that mine had one)and I certainly wouldn't give them a drink in a bottle. You can have a very close relationship and lots of laughs, cuddles and chat. They have moved on-the mother has to accept that they are not a baby. They don't need her milk, to be pushed around in a bugGy or to be with her all the time."

They don't need it but it is still nutritional for them. No NT child is going to turn up at secondary school still drinking out of a bottle, sucking a dummy, being pushed in a buggy and breastfeeding, so why not wait until they feel they are ready to give these things up rather than forcing them to?

Dophus · 12/08/2009 13:23

Piglet - mlre support for wait until they are ready. I tried off and on with DS1 for 6 months. No interest at all. When he was ready he initiated it and was dry in less than a week at about 2 and 9 months.

With DS2 (now 2.2) we have put a potty next to the toilet but not pushing it.

pigletmania · 12/08/2009 14:34

oh feb, oh i know what you mean Mawroon, my dd was due on the 27th feb and she was born on the 8th march. Hated the morning sickness its a killer. Mawroon you mentioned that your son had allergies, well i have loads, I have had severe Eczema since I was 9 months, asthema and allergic to certain foods like sweets and chocolates and too much dairy which brings out my Eczema so badly so sniff sniff have to avoid those really. I am so glad my dd does not have it so far as it is not very nice.

Thanks to everone for their very helpful advice, i have just put dd back in nappies and feel much better. This morning i had to wash about 7 pants and she fell into the outdoor blowup pool we have so had to clean her too.

piscesmoon · 12/08/2009 14:39

'They can discuss abstract subjects like 'the meaning of life". Bloody hell, pisces - dd was walking at 14 mo, but hasn't yet mentioned the meaning of life to me. And she's nearly 3!! I feel like I've failed as a parent.

Most people are very lucky and don't have to; unfotunately my DS had to grasp the fact at 14 months that his father was dead, and certainly by 2 yrs was capable of quite profound discussions on the subject. I was quite startled by his reasoning at such a young age. I am not saying that this is a good thing-and in my case I would have preferred not to have to go into the meaning of life-I was just pointing out that a young child is perfectly capable.
I expect mine did self wean because they picked up that I wanted to-I had had enough and wanted my body back.

pigletmania · 12/08/2009 14:46

Wow piscesmoon your son is so young and having such conversations. My dd is 2.5 and can sometimes talk in 4 word sentances, despite my reading regularly and doing flashcards and stuff with her from a young age. Yes i do understand totally, i am not bf but want my body back lol

piscesmoon · 12/08/2009 14:54

I was pretty amazed pigletmania-he loved words and always talked non stop. He was quite happy to spend time just chatting to his great, great aunt when he was only 2 yrs-I think it was due to a lot of adult company. I doubt whether my next 2 could have done it-luckily we didn't have to broach tricky subjects.

pigletmania · 12/08/2009 15:05

thats really good Pisces, i guess that every child is different, they say those who walk and do the physical stuff early talk later, and vice versa, dd was walking by one and was very quick crawling but a little later talking(i dont know how because i talk for England). I think that once her speech develops more her awareness of potty training will, my mum told me that i spoke properly when i was about 3 and the same with potty training.

piscesmoon · 12/08/2009 15:11

It makes me laugh on G&T when every so often you get someone thinking they have a little genius because of the things they can do at 2 yrs-it is only because they have a lot of adult attention. There were only the 2 of us in our house and we talked all the time. By the time I had 2 more there were 5 of us and the 2 younger ones had someone to play with-they didn't need to talk in the same way. My point was just that DCs are capable of a lot more thinking than we sometimes give them credit for.

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