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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

How old is 'too old' to breastfeed? (long sorry)

105 replies

NaturalMama · 10/08/2009 23:59

My first post on here after lurking for a very long time. I'm also planning to post in AIBU (I'm made of strong stuff!)

I've started to get quite a few snarky comments and dirty looks while breastfeeding my eldest. These are not from mere strangers but from dear close friends and immediate family.

My eldest is 4.2, going into reception and he has had access to 'minty' ( his word) whenever he likes since birth. At the moment he currently has it after breakfast (and after I've fed his sister), in place of and/or just before or after his afternoon kip around 2pm, and just after tea. Sometimes more, sometimes just once. He is very excited about going to school but he's always been a very very shy boy and we've had talks about him not having minty during the day but he seems okay with it. I've never tried to get him to stop as I think if he asks for it, he obviously needs the comfort. He's never had a dummy/comforter and shows no interest in bartering minty time for toys, sweets, etc.

I had a baby when he was 2 who passed away at 4 months old. I do admit that feeding my eldest was just as comforting for me as it was for him during that time, and I felt it wasn't fair on him to go cold turkey when he was having an emotional time as well.

My youngest is just gone 7 months and she feeds about 5 times a day, obviously between when DS has a go.

Family is starting to tease DS about it saying he's not a big boy and his school friends will think he's silly. It's a private thing and we are always alone when we do it (apart from DD and DH) but family/friends ask me if I've stopped yet and I feel a bit huffy about it.

I know he's not getting anything nutritionally out of it, but can I ask the Mumsnet jury what you think? Is it harmless/comforting for him especially at a time of upheaval (i.e. sister being born, loss of second, starting school) or is it time to give it up and if so - how on earth do I go about doing this? It's not about me babying him as I have another baby I can happily feed for at least another two years!

OP posts:
wastingmyejumication · 11/08/2009 17:45

I think it's important to be aware of cultural expectations.

And then do what you think is best anyway.

HoppityBunny · 11/08/2009 18:01

Bio natural weaning is nothing to do with scarce food and water. It to do what we what we did millions of years ago, without influences in a animal state. We are still those animals today, nothing changed biologically.

mollyroger · 11/08/2009 18:08

lol girders

pigletmania · 11/08/2009 18:35

evolution

mehdismummy · 11/08/2009 18:49

my ds self weaned at 2.9 years beecause he wanted too and f**k what everyone else thought at the end of the day bloody well done at ebf. i wish i had been able to carry on, he still ponis at them and calls them mummy milkies and tells me he drank it all!!!

laumiere · 11/08/2009 19:13

Do what makes you and your DS happy, yes he might be teased, but kids will tease about anything like curly hair etc.

(I'm currently BFing DS2 who's almost 6mo and already thinking I don't want to give up til he does, I forsee arguments with DH coming!)

LeninGrad · 11/08/2009 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ABitBatty · 11/08/2009 21:13

mehdismummy - that is so cute!

bedlambeast · 11/08/2009 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Wonderstuff · 11/08/2009 21:57

I really, really don't get why people have an issue with ebf. If you are happy and your child is happy why do they care?? I find it very odd.

I would discuss with your family how inappropriate it is for them to direct comments to your son, ask them to act their age and be considerate. Failing that just lie or change the subject.

I think that if you are happy to you should carry on. I agree that just before school would be a stressful time to stop. Research has been carried out (too tired to find links sorry) and found no social/emotional or developmental damage from extended bfing.

I'm bfing dd aged 21months. I negotiate with her when it is inconvient to me, but it is her favorite thing in all the world, I would feel mean taking it from her completely.

elkiedee · 11/08/2009 22:02

I definitely think that if you prefer to carry on until he chooses to self-wean, that's what you should do. I think your snarky family and friends are being mean, both in judging you and in the comments they're making to your son. I think you should tell them that what they say to you, you hear but you don't agree with, but it's not on to pick on a 4 year old like that.

whomovedmychocolate · 11/08/2009 22:16

I think we've meandered a tad away from the OP.

NaturalMama - you've explained very well how you feel about breastfeeding your son, the comfort it has given you and how close it's made you and that's great, but equally important is how he feels.

I am tandem feeding a 2.10 year old DD and a 13 month old DS. DD has self weaned and then come back to me again. The reason she did this - she says - is because she was scared she was growing up too quickly (She's starting pre-school in a few weeks).

What I'm trying to say is he may actually need this as a stepping stone during the first month of school and then just as suddenly stop. He may also then start again. Because it's his anchor. I know you will know what I mean by that because if I speak to anyone who has fed beyond a year they seem to get this.

Once he feels secure and happy he may well wean permanently. But for goodness sake - why worry what other people think, they'd only be criticising another aspect of your parenting.

My line these days when asked by family if I'm still feeding is: 'still breastfeeding, still none of your business.' It's not even worth having the conversation. They have their views which are wrong. I have mine.

Saying anything to your son about it, is, as others have said, pure bullying tactics. Name what they are doing and tell them to stop it. If they don't, keep your son away and tell them why.

Treasure these days with him because chances are he will wean when he starts school but that's okay, with a start like you've given him, he'll do just fine

mawbroon · 11/08/2009 22:40

NaturalMama - I am sorry to see you got such a slating on your AIBU thread.

There is an extended breastfeeder support thread here which I hope those who hate it so much will have the decency to stay away from. Nobody's been on it for a while, but I am sure it must be on quite a few "threads I'm watching" lists.

Let us know how you are getting on, and I hope you haven't got upset over some of the things that people have said to you.

piscesmoon · 11/08/2009 22:49

Once they can walk and talk they are too old IMO.

mawbroon · 11/08/2009 22:50

And your reasoning behind that pices?

wastingmyejumication · 11/08/2009 23:13

DS first word was 'boob'.
It's so much easier now I don't have to try and interpret the grunts and cries, I know exactly what he wants.

To take it from him now, just as he's mastered this, would feel pointlessly cruel.

mawbroon · 11/08/2009 23:22

You're right Wasting. It makes it much easier.

My ds sometimes says "mummy, I fell, my knee is sore. Please can I have some milk to make it better"

And according to some, I am supposed to tell him that no, he can't, he's too old.

PMSL

pigletmania · 11/08/2009 23:30

Nobodys slating just discussing differences in opinion which is what i think the OP was looking for in this thread. Believe it or not not everyone shares the same opinion, nobody is being rude or nasty. Mabey the extended bf forum is the place to go to if she wants more support.

mawbroon · 11/08/2009 23:31

You don't think that shouting "troll" is a slating?

pigletmania · 11/08/2009 23:36

please clarify

mawbroon · 11/08/2009 23:37

Clarify what?

pigletmania · 11/08/2009 23:39

the troll bit

mawbroon · 11/08/2009 23:42

Ealier on I posted this:

"NaturalMama - I am sorry to see you got such a slating on your AIBU thread."

The troll shouting was on the other thread.

pigletmania · 11/08/2009 23:47

oh ok sorry for the ignorance what is AIBU

mawbroon · 11/08/2009 23:48

It is the "Am I being Unreasonable" section.