Can I ask something about breastfeeding that I haven't seen talked about here before please.

[suwoo]

Am pregnant with no3 and am really desperate to breastfeed this time. I have researched Kellymom, have been to my local baby bistro and met all the peer supporters and got all their numbers and been to the breastfeeding workshop at the hospital.

I have nursing bras, a cushion, lansinoh, breast shields (for emergencies), breast shells and every other feasible accessory.

The thing is I have always had a funny relationship with my boobs. I developed really early and by the time I was 14 I was a 30E. I was sexually active then and very popular .

I was sexually assaulted (although never really thought it was that at the time) almost every day by the boys at school who used to rip off my shirt and grope my boobs. I was also groped twice on the street by male strangers .

I had a breast reduction at 19 on the NHS as I was a bit fucked in the head .

The main reason I didn't persevere with bf with my other two DC, is that is just felt so sexual. It felt exactly the same as how it feels when DH is doing it when we are having sex IYKWIM.

Can I get past this? Does it feel different after a few days?

It just felt so weird and pervy, how can I change my attitude so this doesn't cause me to stop feeding again.

Don't let me pour my heart out and then get no replies

You need to think about why it's feeling sexual and then change that word to 'sensual'.

Breastfeeding is meant to feel nice, so that you do it more and so your baby thrives. It makes evolutionary sense. In addition, the hormones your body needs to release to help your breasts work, are similar hormones to those released when you have sex and/or fall in love and/or have a cuddle or skin-to-skin contact with someone you love and who loves you.

It's all part and parcel of the same thing. Oxytocin is so, so important.

I was thinking about this earlier - how much I love the feel of my children's skin. But there's nothing sexual about it at all - it's just totally sensual and normal and right. We need to feel in love with our children so we feel a strong enough sense to protect them and nurture them.

Do you think seeing it in that light might help you a little?

Well eon5 worry, I ff my little girl as bf did not work out. Well nipples are erogenous zones so if they are stimulated such as in bf or touch it can be kind of a turn on

Thanks flamingo, that makes a lot of sense and was the sort of advice I was expecting from MN .

My 2 year old DS has been messing with my nipples lately and I have tried to grin and bear it so I get more used to them being touched in a non sexual way.

Have to say I don't agree with Pigletmania that bf is a "turn on" but do totally agree with Flamingobingo that you should turn your perception from sexual to sensual. I didn't manage to feed DD but have successfully been feeding DS for 6 months so it can be done, whatever the reason for difficulties with first babies.

Maybe think about taking small steps to start with - have you written a birth plan? I would have thought skin on skin contact soon after birth would be a good idea. Can you say that you would like them to hand baby to you as soon as practically possible. Honestly once you get going with the whole process, you may find it easier than you think.

sounds like you have a great support network set up - try to just go with the flow. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, it's not the end of the world. Good luck

Funnily enough one of the things I was worried about before I had my DD was bf in public as I suppose before children we all think of breasts as sexual rather than functional.

I only managed 7 weeks of bf but 2 weeks in my Dad popped round while DD was on the boob, cue me flashing my boob at my Dad and saying, 'Look, isn't she cute!'. Totally forgot my Dad would rather not see!

It never felt sexual to me though so maybe that is not helpful. Can you focus on your baby and think about all the goodness you are giving them and how you are having a special cuddle that he/she can only have with Mummy?

Thanks schoolgirl. I'm afraid piglets post wasn't really much assistance.

I am having a section, so will get skin to skin established as soon as I can. I know all the answers and I'm really clued up on the theory, its just the practice .

I know its not the end of the world if it doesn't work, I just want to do everything in my power to ensure it does.

Just wondering if anyone has felt the 'sexual' side of things as strongly as I have and got over it.

suwoo have you ever had any counselling etc for the experiences that you had as a girl? They sound horrendous and TBH I'm not surprised that you have/have had issues surrounding your breasts.

Why don't you talk to a BF counsellor on a phoneline about this? I am sure this is one of the things they are trained to discuss with women? And would give you some space to discuss it openly and anonymously and maybe point you in direction of further support/counselling if needed?

I'm not worried about feeding in public, or particularly my dad seeing them .

Hoping someone else comes along who has experienced it themselves.

Thanks everyone so far.

No I haven't Spam, maybe I should although generally I'm fine now and don't really think about it.

Lupus, thats a good idea- I bet a BF counsellor will have heard of this before.

((((suwoo))))

I'm sorry to hear what you have gone through. The only thing I can think of is to ask your midwife if she can refer you to councelling to work through your feelings.

No I'm sorry Suwoo - I haven't any experience in the "sexual" perception. If anything, I'm the other way in that I've always hated my boobs and definitely find them a turn off sexually! BF has made me see that they can't be that bad - DS loves them! DD and I call him a "boobie monster"

Is there anyway that you could explore some therapy for your previous experiences? I would have thought that at the very least dealing with the repercussions of the sexual assault was something that should be dealt with - I'm so sorry you went through that

I know what you mean about knowing that it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work. I felt exactly the same about DS when I was pregnant - my mates would say not to worry if it didn't work and a little voice would scream inside my head "But I DO want it to work". Happily it's all worked out for me and I will certainly keep my fingers crossed that the same happens for you

Just want to add my support suwoo

Set yourself little goals (I'll BF for 2 days, 3 days, a week etc) and see how it builds up. I had a CS with BabyG and had skin to skin with him when I'd come round from the GA. Thankfully, MW had remembered me saying how important it was to me and she'd only wrapped him in a blanket, rather than dressing him. Tell yours you want it.

You seem to be really well prepared and its great that you are asking about these feelings, rather than burying them and hoping for hte best. Good on you

Aww thanks for your hugs and support. I really don't think about those things that happened at all in my daily life, I just think they are highly relevant to this 'ishoo'.

I'm sure people went through a lot worse experiences than those as teenagers.

I will contact a BF counsellor though, thats a really good idea.

So, no-one so far had a 'sexual' ishoo with it, I really did assume it would be more common.

Although I haven't had your experiences so never felt it the way you describe, I did find the first few days of bf very weird in the sense that I had never had mouth-to-boob contact that wasn't sexual - it was quite hard to scrub out all those years of context initially. But after the first few days it just disappeared, submerged beneath the amazing new experience and relationship I was building I really hope the same thing happens for you.

Sorry if this isn't helpful

Thanks MamaG, my first goal is the 1st feed, then to feed until my milk comes in/ leave hospital. Thats as far as I've got

There have been people on here who've posted that they did before... I just can't remember any names.

No Cyteen, that is valuable. That is the same really as in 'boob to mouth = sexual'. Glad to hear it passed. That is a real help. Thanks.

here's one similar thread

Suwoo, my breasts have always been a big thing between myself and my DH (and other lovers previously, sorry if TMI!) and I can assure you that, although I was worried, BF just doesn't feel sexual at all.
It's wierd, it just doesn't. It's like your body (and your breasts) go into feeding mode as opposed to sex goddess mode, iykwim.
I did find that when having sex during the 6 mths that I BF with each DS my breast didn't figure so much in lovemaking, if at all.

I know that my Stepsister was very worried about this a FF both of her two DC as a result, she just couldn't get her head round it at all.

Best of luck, good on you for raising this

And another thread

Thanks, will read those threads now P&L. Lizzy thanks for your post, but I have tried to feed both my other children (DD for 3 days) and it did feel sexual to me. I'm not just pondering, hmm I wonder if it will feel sexual. It did. And that was what stopped me feeding them.

I know exactly what you mean, and if I am totally honest there were times when I was feeding ds that it was tingly, in the same way that is if dp does it

I too have extremely sensitive nipples, and although I stopped feeding ds at about 10 months (self-weaned), he does always occassionally try and grap my nipples which I stop straight away.

Although I said it did happen, it certainly wasnt all the time, as 99/100 I was far too tired to even think about anything remotely sexual - Brad Pitt could have been on the end of them and he still would have been told to lap off

God I've never told anyone that - I was always to thought people would think I was some sort of pervert freak.

Have read those other threads and thanks geordie for your experience too. It seems it is more common but people are embarrassed to speak of it.

I am not anticipating having an orgasm from bf , it just feels weird that it is exactly the same 'sensation' as when DH does it.