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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

bf 15 mths on. its constant. i'm so fed up with it. i resent it but ds dairy intolerant. help please

81 replies

kalo12 · 02/05/2009 21:16

my ds is dairy intolerant and hardly eats and is on lowest centile for weight. i was prepared to bf for the long haul but i'm so fed up with it.

he bfs constantly, i try don't offer don't refuse but he demands it all the time. screams if i don't give in. its literally 10 - 15 times a day, plus every hour - hour and a half at night. from about 3 am its every twenty minutes.

been trying ncss for months, the ppo is impossible, he screams. i have to prize my nipple out of his mouth as he is clamped on with all his teeth.

am starting to feel so angry, i would be happy with a couple of times a day and even night, but can't seem to reduce it.

so thinking only option is cold turkey, but as he is df don't want to withhold important nutrients and also don't want him to be emotionally fraught but just at my wits end now.

dh works every eve and weekends so on my own all the time.

advice please

OP posts:

MissisBoot · 02/05/2009 21:24

Firstly well done for getting this far.

Don't feel that you have to continue bf if you are worried about him getting enough nutrients - you can ask your gp for a referral to an allergy clinic or ask them to prescribe neocate - this is an hypoallergic formula which gives young children all the nurtrients they need.

Sounds like you are going through a rough patch at the moment - especially if you are by yourself for a lot of the time because you don't have anyone else to properly talk things through so feel like you are making all the parenting/feeding decisions alone.

You need to think about what you want to in order.

Do you want to stop bf?

If so, get a referral/prescription for special formula.

Then you can start to make progress introducing this to him - it doesn't taste as sweet as bm - but I think he'd get used to it soon enough as soon as he realised there was no other option.

You sound exhausted - does your dh take your ds out to give you a break during the day?

Original poster

kalo12 · 02/05/2009 21:29

have tried neocate, he won't have it.

tried oatly and rice milk too. i think its more a comfort thing, but he just won't stop.

keep trying ncss, keep trying distraction, snacks etc

dh works all day and all evening 6 am til midnight, then has a two days off while i go to work. ds is fine without me on those days, but is very pleased to see me then bfs constantly all night. i never have more than an hours sleep a night. haven't had forr over a year

OP posts:

whomovedmychocolate · 02/05/2009 21:29

Ah that sounds utterly shite - you poor thing. Would you consider expressing and feeding him that way as much as possible and also supplementing with neocate? That way he still gets a bit and you get the option of having someone else stay up with him, even if it were short term - stockpile as much as possible and then have three nights off - that's what you need to get sane. Believe me, I've been there with the constant grinding sleep deprivation (and am there now with DC2 ).

whomovedmychocolate · 02/05/2009 21:31

Am not saying you are insane btw

Do you have anyone else who can help other than your DH, even short term, could you afford to hire someone?

Original poster

kalo12 · 02/05/2009 21:31

will he stop?

i also want to have another baby and don't want to bf whilst pregnant as have had several mcs

OP posts:

MissisBoot · 02/05/2009 21:32

did you try mixing the neocate with bm?

I was advised to mix the two and slowly increase the amount of neocate.

If you think it is a comfort thing could you introduce an alternative comfort? soft toy? muslim?

whomovedmychocolate · 02/05/2009 21:33

I have had two miscarriages and breastfed all the way through my second successful pregnancy.

He will stop btw, but you probably need to try another tack. I delayed feeds by five minutes each night for several months with DD (and yes, she yelled while he held/rocked her (earplugs can help)).

whomovedmychocolate · 02/05/2009 21:33

She finally got the point. btw, she now sleeps 13 hours!

DS doesn't, he's a little bugger!

MissisBoot · 02/05/2009 21:33

forgot to add it took about 6 weeks to get dd onto the neocate.

Original poster

kalo12 · 02/05/2009 21:36

was considering trying dr jays night weaning, but too knackered to contemplate it.

should i give up night feeds or day feeds first?

how long do they need milk for?

OP posts:

ilovemydogandMrObama · 02/05/2009 21:39

My DS is also dairy intolerant, and it's really really difficult to bridge the gap from milk as the primary source of nutrition to solid food. At one stage, I thought DS was going to live on chips as it was the only thing he would eat.

Is there a way you can introduce solids and gradually reduce his feeds?

A nurse at Children's Hospital gave me some really good advice. She said that children with allergies should have a good relationship with food. In other words, since it has made them ill, they may be more reluctant to try new things, and will stick with what's comforting.

Also, neocate does come in flavors....

Original poster

kalo12 · 02/05/2009 21:41

whomovedmychoc - i am insane btw

OP posts:

MissisBoot · 02/05/2009 21:43

ooh yes - they do it in banana and chocolate I think?

AcademicMum · 02/05/2009 21:51

have you tried mixing the neocate in with food? We do this with ds2 (although he is on Pepti as we never had any success with neocate) but eg weetabix soaks up a surprising amount (you can get about 4oz or so over a single weetabix), I also use it to make home-made ice-cream, custards etc etc. He needs about 350 ml per day over 1 year which seems a lot when they won't take it I know.

You sound though like you could just really use a break . Is there any possibility that you could take a day off work to just do some stuff to pamper yourself a bit (shopping, hairdressers, facial, massage that type of stuff)? It might not solve anything longer term but could just give you a day to relax and feel more refreshed which will be good for both you and your ds.

madamy · 02/05/2009 21:52

Would it help to separate the bf from his diet? What I mean is that by 15 months, he can get pretty much all of his nutrients through food can't he. There is calcium in soya yoghuts and other foods (can't think right now which ones though!), and he will get lots of calories and nutrients from just eating well surely. Maybe he hardly eats because he's filling up on milk?

Then you can tackle the bf without it being linked to food/nutrients and feeling like a bad mother!

My ds (23mths) was only feeding at night at 15 months and is also dairy free. He has never drunk milk or any milk substitute - refused point blank! He's also bottom centile, but you know, he's really healthy - they can't all be little chubsters! We give him vitamin drops just to add a bit extra although he eats like a horse!

Do you eat dairy? If he's cows milk intolerant he will be getting exposure through the milk so that might also be upsetting him.

Original poster

kalo12 · 03/05/2009 10:09

its more how to stop breast feeding, or at least cutting down. mainly in the day i would say he wants it for comfort so offering food/neocate is no good - he refuses but demands breast feeding. do i let him just scream for it and say no?

why won't he drop it? i give him loads of cuddles and lots of attention and playing and activities. i take him out lots but he demands it when i'm out

i have started eating dairy as i was losing so much weight, maybe i'll try cutting it out again

OP posts:

MissisBoot · 03/05/2009 11:14

Maybe you will have just to go cold turkey with him - it won't be easy but atleast after 10 days or so he should be out of the routine/habit.

It is ok to say no btw. You won't be doing him any harm.

Could your dh take some time off work to help you with out over this time - then you can say no and walk away and let your dh deal with the fall out - it also gives you some space from the situation as we are so emotionally tied to our children and especially when breastfeeding your hormones kick in and also take over so find it easier to 'give in'.

tanglefairy · 03/05/2009 14:17

I'd say put your foot down, especially at night. He should'nt be night feeding at his age, give your self a break! Is he still in the bed with you? Maybe you should make sure he is now in his own bed too. The whole controlled crying thing is not fun at all and you get even less sleep than usual, but it does work and once he realises he's not getting a feed they they stop bothering. I'm sure he's old enough not to need milk, and certainly wont need formula, try looking at some info from the Vegan society ect they probably have lots of info on milk free weaning and nutrition for babies. Good luck :D

CoteDAzur · 03/05/2009 14:39

He "hardly eats" because you BF him so much he doesn't need to. If you cut out at least some of the feeds, you will see he will take a sudden interest in food. Really, at 15 months he should be eating more.

And as tanglefairy said, he shouldn't be breastfeeding in the night at this age. Stop night feeds NOW. He will scream for a night or two, but persevere and you will see that he will soon sleep through the night. As a direct result, he will also be more hungry during the day, and this is when you don't increase frequency of breastfeeds but offer food.

Good luck.

simpson · 03/05/2009 23:10

Kalo - what does he eat in the day?

mawbroon · 03/05/2009 23:27

What is all this "shouldn't be feeding in the night?"

Says who?

bubbleymummy · 03/05/2009 23:32

I don't agree with the cold turkey/let them scream methods I'm afraid. It's a bit harsh IMO and I don't think there's anything wrong with nightfeeding at that age either if that's what they want/need - obviously easier if you're co-sleeping though!

It does sound like he is replacing food with milk though which is why he's feeding so often. I think that's the area you could work on and hopefully it will get better from there. More food during the day = less mummy feeds = more sleep for mummy (who clearly deserves it after over a year! )

Is there any food that he particularly likes? If it means only giving him his favourite foods for a while just to get him to eat more then so be it! Worry about the 3 structured meals a day later! DS was a very fussy eater so sometimes we just resorted to a bowl of porridge and honey in the evening followed by melon/strawberries/anything else he fancied just to fill his tummy up!

Babieseverywhere · 04/05/2009 09:04

kalo12, It sounds like your toddler has a strong need to breastfed and the constant demand on you sounds very difficult to deal with especially in the early hours of the morning.

I disagree that going cold turkey will help, it is highly likely to cause more stress and upset.

But on the otherhand if things are not working on your side of the nursing relationship something has to change.

Have you tried distraction during the day. i.e. Yes, we'll nurse after lunch or in 5 minutes. I found my toddler would happiy wait 5 minutes at your DS's age as long as I answered "Yes, "

At night I used a combination of offering water and counting to 5/10 for a quick nurse seemed to work well at this age. I was pregnant with DS and needed some sleep at the time.

HTH

BeehiveBaby · 04/05/2009 09:21

If you want to stop, a few days of very intense activity (for distraction) and some sleepless nights of alternative comforting will sort it. I have done this with my boob monsters at the same age.

La Leche League meetings may be the place to go to for support if you think that it is a blip that you might want to work past together.

CoteDAzur · 04/05/2009 12:12

mawbroon - Says me and anyone else (I would hope) with the sense to know that a normal child of 15 months has no physical need to feed through the night.

If OP was happy to continue with status quo, that would be another thing. But she is so "fed up" that she "resents it" and it's making her "angry". Why on earth should she continue to breastfeed him every 1-1.5 hours at night?

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