bf 15 mths on. its constant. i'm so fed up with it. i resent it but ds dairy intolerant. help please

[kalo12]

my ds is dairy intolerant and hardly eats and is on lowest centile for weight. i was prepared to bf for the long haul but i'm so fed up with it.

he bfs constantly, i try don't offer don't refuse but he demands it all the time. screams if i don't give in. its literally 10 - 15 times a day, plus every hour - hour and a half at night. from about 3 am its every twenty minutes.

been trying ncss for months, the ppo is impossible, he screams. i have to prize my nipple out of his mouth as he is clamped on with all his teeth.

am starting to feel so angry, i would be happy with a couple of times a day and even night, but can't seem to reduce it.

so thinking only option is cold turkey, but as he is df don't want to withhold important nutrients and also don't want him to be emotionally fraught but just at my wits end now.

dh works every eve and weekends so on my own all the time.

advice please

Kalo,

I really feel for you. It's so much harder with a child that can't have dairy because you are worried about their nutrition and weight.

My DS is allergic to dairy so I breastfed him until he was 2.

I went back to work when he was 13 months so I made an effort to try and cut out the daytime feeds for the couple of months leading up to me going back to work, so we were left with only the morning and bedtime feed, and during the night.

I did this by always offering him rice milk with added calcium in a cup during the day rather than me and lots of distraction/offering other food.

He did cry when he wasn't getting his own way, but it really wasn't for very long. I'm not a fan of letting babies cry things out either, but it was necessary for me to go back to work, so I felt it was necessary. You just need to be firm and stick to your guns.

I also tried to make sure that the rest of his diet had adequate fat in it to make up for giving him rice milk instead.

The night feeds he stopped on his own when he was 18 months so don't really have any advice on that.

When I gave up bf completely it was a lot easier than i thought it would be, he seemed to forget aobut it really quickly. I went away for the weekend and when I came back he asked a couple of times before bed, but we just gave rice milk and in the morning we took him straight downstairs for breakfast rather than bringing him into bed with us and he soon forgot about it.

You need to decided that you are going for it and stick to your guns if this is what you really want to do.

If you're not giving up bfing completely then I don't think you need to go down the prescription formula route.

HTH

bubbleymummy - In my experience, and what I have seen in other families, stopping night feeds does indeed lead to babies sleeping through the night. A couple of hard nights, and baby gets used to feeding more in the day & adapts to not feeding at night. And he sleeps through.

The caveat here is that I did this when DD was indeed a baby and so did all my friends. It worked every time. But it might be a slightly different story with a child of 15 months who is perhaps less malleable.

It is up to OP to decide if she wants to give it a go. If she does and it works, great. If it doesn't, she can try something else.

What I don't find acceptable is to be shouted down because I am offering a different viewpoint to "Baby is king of the castle. What he says goes. You have to feed him whenever he cries until the end of time, regardless of how much that kills you" etc.

Babies - I certainly don't think you are "wrong" to nurse your child at night. To each their own and all that.

I only posted about how to stop nursing at night because my understanding was that that was what she wanted - Being "at wits end", "starting to feel so angry", she "resents it", and is "fed up" etc certainly sounded like that was the way she wanted to go.

mrsjammi - Bravo Baby Jammi! That sounds very positive It might take another 1-2 nights of waking up a few times and a bit of crying, so be prepared to persevere for a little longer if necessary. But he appears to be adjusting his daytime feeds already which is very good indeed.

I'm still amazed at how people can go with so little sleep for years and years!

What if you had other young children and/or had to go to work FT?

My gran was a Mayan Indian and she bf'd till each child was 2, but then she was pretty brutal in weaning them off.

Not just how but also why?

I think I'd wind up divorced, too. I'm an even bigger b*tch when I'm terribly sleep-deprived. I'd for sure have gotten sacked from my job as well.

Expat, I cheat and co-sleep, so I do get sleep. Plus my toddler is night weaned so I only have the baby to nurse at night

To my mind the quicker you night parent the quicker you are back to sleep !!!

And do not forget the act of nursing releases chemicals which enable a mother to drop back into deep sleep fast, so a nursing mother gets better quality sleep than a non-nursing mother who is up at night comforting a child by other methods.

Nothing like breastmilk to encourage sleep. That said I was ever so pleased when my 16 month old toddler started taking water in a cup at night, as I didn't co-sleep with her at the time (big mistake)and I hating getting up several times a night to go to her room to nurse her.

With the baby co-sleeping and breastfeeding are made for each other. I latch him on and go back to sleep..ZZZZZZZzzzz

re "the quicker you night parent the quicker you are back to sleep"

Night parent = breastfeed?

I'm more of the short term pain for long term gain camp. Brave a few hard nights and then enjoy uninterrupted sleep. Much better than waking up every night for years, imho.

"the act of nursing releases chemicals which enable a mother to drop back into deep sleep fast"

Oh it does, does it? Then can someone tell me why it was so hard to get back to sleep?

I know why - because I was feeding for half an hour, then it took another 15 mins to put baby to sleep, so I was fully awake. By the time I dropped off, she wanted another feed!

Sheer hell is what it was. I can't believe you would talk about how everyone gets back to sleep so quickly after breastfeeding because it just isn't true. If you do, lucky you, though.

"Nothing like breastmilk to encourage sleep"

I know something better: A child who actually sleeps through the night

I would definitely be divorced, too. Nothing like sleep deprivation to spark a row.

Oh, well. I bf'd DD2 for about 4 months, but then I had to go back to work FT and I had another child and interrupted sleep just wouldn't have worked for me.

Each to her own!

Best of luck, kalo, you're a stronger person than I am.

Also, I like to exercise daily. It helps my post-natal depression, but it does require energy.

When I went back to work, I could walk there 2.5 miles up a nice, steady hill on the way in.

I'd arrive at work feeling fresh and ready to face the day.

I'd arrive home feeling energised and ready for the 'second shift' with teh kids.

No way that wouldn've worked if I had interrupted sleep for so long.

"Night parenting" does not equal breastfeeding to me. It can mean breastfeeding, or cuddling, or bottle feeding, or singing, or rocking, or walking up and down soothing the baby or any other number of responsive measures for the baby (and yes I do consider a child of 15 months to be a baby). I think it probably comes from Sears, and what it does not refer to is ignoring a crying child.

CoteDAzur -it is a shame that you cannot imagine a reason why anyone would go on trying to meet what they interpret to be their particular child's needs at night long into toddlerhood, including breastfeeding. That means there's a great proportion of parents around the world who you do not understand . I find your statement "I know something better: a child who actually sleeps through the night" judgemental and not at all supportive to the OP. In fact, it comes across as smug and designed to annoy/upset anyone who chooses a different path.

CoteDAzur, I am finding your posts confusing and you are starting to address points I never made.

Night parenting is not breastfeeding only, as Grendle mentioned it covers all aspects of parenting during the night. Including huging, kissing, rocking, giving a drink of water and breastfeeding.

"I can't believe you would talk about how everyone gets back to sleep so quickly after breastfeeding because it just isn't true."
I never said this, you manage to argue against a point I never made !!!

What I actually posted was that I find it easy to sleep with my co-sleeping breastfed child, I also mentioned how difficult I found it with my first child who was breastfed and not co-sleeping at the time.

Does it cover shoving the dummy back in their mouths and going back to sleep?

I'm one of those selfish mummies, I guess.

Hey, I gotta make a living.

Expat, Of course replacing a dummy is part of night parenting, as is returning to sleep.
I don't get why you think that is selfish ? Or your reference to working ?

Grendle - I wouldn't ignore a crying child, either. It is just that I don't think it is a good idea to keep shoving a boob into the mouth of a child who is old enough to express why he is crying and can be comforted in other ways.

"I do consider a child of 15 months to be a baby"

You can't arbitrarily redefine words of the English language. Baby is 0 to 12 months. After 12 months you have a toddler, not a baby.

"I find your statement "I know something better: a child who actually sleeps through the night" judgemental"

And I find your lack of humour worrying. Did you not notice the smiley that followed that sentence? Perhaps a symptom of extended sleep deprivation?

Babieseverywhere - You said, and I quote:

"the act of nursing releases chemicals which enable a mother to drop back into deep sleep fast"

A mother = any mother = all mothers

Well, it doesn't, necessarily. I nursed and found it hell to get back to sleep after being fully awake for at least half an hour in the middle of the night. I know of many others like this.

You are making generalisations (wisdom from kellymom?) that are simply not true. If it works that way for you, that is great. It doesn't work for everyone.

"Baby P" was 17 months old...

Oxford English Dictionary says "a child or animal that is newly or recently born". That could be 2 minutes or 2 years. 2 years out of a lifetime of approx 70 seems 'recent' to me .

Oh and also at 15 months my daughter was quite capable of screaming loudly "want milk". Her need was (and is) expressed fairly clearly. Sometimes other means of comforting her do not work, so I choose to meet her expressed need, even now she is older. If you would not want to do this for your own child then that is entirely your decision, but please don't presume what is wrong for you is worng for everyone. The World Health Org recommends frequent and on demand breastfeeding up to at least 2 years of age, and there is plenty of evidence to support this. I do not mind one jot if you choose not to do that, nor indeed if any other mother feels that breastfeeding a 15 month old at night is too much for them, or time to stop or whatever, so long as they feel happy with their decision. What I object to is mothers who are following their instincts and good health advice being told they are doing something wrong.

CoteDAzur,

I actually said "And do not forget the act of nursing releases chemicals which enable a mother to drop back into deep sleep fast, so a nursing mother gets better quality sleep than a non-nursing mother who is up at night comforting a child by other methods."

Which is backed up by this study - Interaction Between Feeding Method and Co-Sleeping on Maternal-Newborn Sleep - Glenn, L. Lee - Quillin, Stephanie I. M.

"The study results show that breastfeeding newborns are more wakeful and sleep in shorter bouts than bottle feeders. Mothers who breastfeed and co-sleep get more sleep than those who do not do either."

This was true for me, breastfeeding a child in another room was very tiring, where as breastfeeding a child whilst co-sleeping meant far more sleep for us both.

Out of interest, did you co-sleep with your child or did you do what I did with my daughter....i.e. Drag myself out bed out of our room, in the middle of the night into her room and sit up nursing her and then drag myself back to bed 30 minutes to an hour later ?

Oh, I forgot to say - The sleepy hormone is cholecystokinin, you can read about it here. I don't know much about it myself but it sounds like all nursing mothers make it.
Click here

However I guess the benefit of feeling nice and sleepy is a bit lost, when the mother has to get up after nursing and walk to her own bed in another room, which is likely why the research I linked to in the last post, found it was the combination of co-sleeping and nursing which resulted in the most sleep for mothers.

I find it extremely insulting when people tell me that DS isn't hungry and doesn't need a feed during the night (he has one at 15mo). We tried offering him food instead, and after about half an hour of him munching stuff and having a big drink, he went back to sleep - with some comforting. When I BF I'm back in bed in 20 minutes. I know which I prefer, and one feed isn't all that much.

Kalo - it is hard work but we cut down a lot by having DH comfort / offer the food and drink alternatives to BF. DS eventually learned to accept them from me and now only insists when he is upset or tired.