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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Anyone interested in an 'extended' bfers support thread?

834 replies

lilysma · 01/02/2009 11:14

Not sure what I mean by 'extended' exactly - maybe it's a self defined thing?

I define myself as an 'extended' bfer because I hardly know anyone else bfing a child as old as mine (DD is 26 months) and feel the need to discuss some issues with people also doing this and wonder if anyone else does??

Anyone up for an informal support thread on this?

OP posts:
walkinthewoods · 08/02/2009 21:41

Haven;t read evrything. Still feeding nearly 3 yr old ds and would love to stop actually. With dd want ed her to self wean but got pg with ds. She went off it by 20 wks.

DS has gone from feeding twice a day to bfing a 'mimi' monster and its driving me crackers. In my head tho am thinking of all these stories about making the most of it whilst thye'r eyoung.

BTW I have told MIL that ds has stopped because she thought it was weird (even tho he asks for mimi's).

walkinthewoods · 08/02/2009 21:43

Must add I was 20 wks pg and dd wasn 17 mos. She was excl bf for 6 mos

preggersplayspop · 08/02/2009 21:49

I agree with you BouncingTurtle about the inconvenience thing. I feed DS to sleep, he wakes frequently and we co-sleep. Some friends look pitying at me when I tell them, but I really don't mind at all! I also think he'll get it in his own time. I tried doing some of the stuff in the NCSS book when he was younger but now just go with the flow and its fine.

He woke during his nap today and I brought him down into the living room and he had a feed and a cuddle and fell back to sleep. I loved it! He won't be like this for ever, I want to enjoy the time he is a baby.

hunkermunker · 08/02/2009 21:55

BT, I think society considers babies/children/young people an inconvenience - up till they're about 24, really!

Umzy · 08/02/2009 22:21

Hunkermunker, the article you linked to is really good.
PPP, it's great to hear about someone else bfing and co-sleeping, none of our friends do either and it does me alot of good to be reminded that we're not lone nutters. It just feels right. A friend of mine said that the crying-it-out re sleep training is very hard during a conversation recently, as if it was the only way, - so so many people are just following the current 'rules' unquestioningly, I despair. My husband calls them 'sheeple', and on the whole they really all do treat babies and kids as an inconvenience, so crazy. Get a pet!!

madmouse · 08/02/2009 22:34

umzy why would you be a nutter for co-sleeping. It is not for me but i don't see anything at all wrong with it, in fact must make babe feel really safe and secure.

mummypig · 08/02/2009 22:38

Oh yes i completely agree with all of you re. the attitudes of the 'sheepies'. I took a while to start doing things my own way but now I am really appreciating all my dss and especially ds3 while he is still a baby. And it's lovely waking up in bed with two sons snuggled up to me (ds1 tends to stay in his own bed now).

I fed ds2 until he was about 3 1/2 (about half way through my pregnancy with ds3). At that time I wondered if he would ever give up and was prepared to do tandem feeding (although a little worried about how tired it might make me). Now I am really pleased that he made the decision to give up on his own and I didn't coerce or bribe him. But I have to admit it wasn't something I advertised widely. For example, I'm sure the hairdressers down the road, no matter how bf friendly they think they are, would be shocked if they thought I was 'still' bf him at 3 1/2 yrs. And dp's dad's partner (practically my mil but not exactly) fed her son on diluted Carnation so I'm never going to get much breastfeeding support from that corner.

hunkermunker · 08/02/2009 22:44

Thank you, Umzy - I wrote it

Lilyloo · 08/02/2009 22:50

Hello i also feeding dd2 she just turned 1 and is more than happy to continue to bf!
She has been off her food today so has turned to me and continually pulling up my top to feed her today!
Not sure how to handle this in public anymore tbh!

Umzy · 08/02/2009 22:59

Lilyloo I'm not very courageous and I express all her daytime feeds, - partly so that the 2 days I work do not feel odd to her, but also because I don't want to deal with the public re breastfeeding, so I understand what you mean. Would you consider expressing just enough so you could have some milk in a cup to hand if she needed a feed if you were out long enough to run into that situation?

I know that the more people feed in public the more accepted it would be, but nobody wants someone to behave unpleasantly to them infront of their little toddler, so I'm not able to be the brave one who feeds in public for the good of all of us in the long run, but I do feel a bit ashamed of myself for that tbh.

Madmouse, -the co-sleeping thing definitely isn't for everyone, and not every baby needs it either. It's very nice when non-co-sleepers are cool about it for other parents. We hadn't planned to do it, but it's definitely what our LO needed once she hit very bad separation anxiety at 6 months, it was the only way through it, and she'll be in our bed now til she's ready to move out.

Hunkmunker, - going to take a proper tour of your blog this week, it looks really good.

hellymelly · 08/02/2009 23:07

I'm in! dd 21 m and still feeding a lot.Older dd fed until 2 and a quarter ,just before dd2 was born,so I have been bf for four years.

hunkermunker · 08/02/2009 23:10

Thanks, Umzy - please do leave a comment if there's anything you particularly like or would like to see there - I'm revamping it atm!

BouncingTurtle · 09/02/2009 06:20

Yes - a big thumbs up from me for Hunker's blog - I'm always mentioning to people in RL, about how useful I have found it.

I don't feed ds in public very much, because he is far too distractable!! He never asks for it when we're out and about anyway, but I'm always prepared in case he does.
But I have fed when at relatives' and friends' houses - one of the things I would say is that my ILs have been very very supportive, which is good since both DH and his DB were bottle fed, dh's ds and dnieces were bottle fed, and both of dh's cousins bottle fed their babies from birth. They genuinely though formula was as good as breast until I explained why I was breastfeeding, now they are very proud of the fact that I'm bfing - occasionally FIL asks if I still if he hasn't seen me in a while, but only in the sense of 'keep up the good work'
I've just found out that the 5mo baby of one of dh's cousins has been diagnosed with asthma. I'm not surprised - she lives with her parents, her dad smokes and their house has awful damp
But it has occurred to me that maybe it wouldn't be as bad if she had breastfed...

randomama · 09/02/2009 11:18

Re feeding in public, I just do it. I DO get a few funny looks though. DS (19mo) is on the small side, which I guess helps, but he is a big talker, so if he wants it he just starts asking "booby booby booby pweeeees" and pulling up my top. I just cave in. I just think it's dead cute and he obviously wants it so why not but I have a lot of support from my family - my mum bfed us all - my little brother til he was 3.5yo! - which I think gives me a level of confidence with the whole bfing thing that women who haven't grown up around ti would not necessarily have. Also, my friends are all pretty liberal so bfing has not been an issue. BUT recently, in fact, even from when DS was 12 mo, some people have said things along the line of "so when ARE you going to stop?" I just laugh and say when he wants to but even though I brush it off I FEEL their disapproval and it makes me GRRRRRRRR.
re co sleeping etc. I think whatever works. I thought I would defo cosleep but, in truth, I can't handle it at all isn't that awful?! I so wanted to! I so believed that it would be the best approach and lead to an even more enhanced relationship with my DS but I just can't handle it. thhere. I've admitted it. I have full respect for all those parents who can though. but yeah you'e gotta do what works for you eh?
gah I'm such a waffler

randomama · 09/02/2009 11:20

I should add that I'm sure feeding him in public will be harder if I'm still feeding him when he's 2 or 3!

glitterkitty · 09/02/2009 12:40

Cant remember who asked about feeding in public but I use this approach- I say Yes' very clearly and repeatedly until he is calm, and 'lets find somewhere to sit' and go off & find changing room, loo (lovely!), or other quiet place.

Sometimes he forgets.

Sometimes I have to get the buttons out.

I cant face it in public. I get enough disapproval off people I know!

My mum said today (when i was laughing at how every time I gwet on the phone he immediatly wants to latch on) ' Hmm... well I'm saying nothing' in a voice.

I wish she would consider, even for just 1 minute, that maybe I'm doing something GOOD not ruining both our lives by my mad, lentilweavery indulgence.

She has mentined supernanny several times too, and how she got a 3yr old off 'mim-mims' in 3 nights. She thinks this is great .

randomama · 09/02/2009 16:25

Oh GK! why ARE people so anti?! i'm not saying we should all be burning our bra and fighting the power eerytime our lo wants to feed (god knows things are hard enough with a toddler) but I just feel so that we live in a culture that is so hostile to the notion of a mother feeding her child free food that you feel you have to do it in a toilet to avoid disapproval. grrrrrrr!!!!!!!
and yeah?! what it IS it with phones?! DS always climbs aboard as soon as I pick up!

chatti · 09/02/2009 16:59

Can I gatecrash and benefit from your collected wisdom? Have night weaned DS almost 1 about 16 days ago. Daytime feeding has become a bit mad. Seems to want more which is completely understandable, maybe my supply is adjusting ? Anway... wondering how often do you guys b/feed during the day? I had this idea that I would b/feed him morning and night with cups in between but he loves sprinkling the contents of his cup as opposed to drinking it!!

splishsplosh · 09/02/2009 18:47

Hi,can I join too? Dd1 was 3 last month,and i still bf her in the morning and at bedtime. She'd happily have more but I think that's enough, except when she was ill a couple of months ago and wasn't eating, so I bf whenever she wanted then.
Also have a 4 month old dd2 so tamndem feeding. Feel a bit like a milk machine sometimes
I do have a rlfriend who also still feeds her dd,same age as dd1 so that helps a bit, otherwise do sometimes feel a bit freaky, though don't want tpo feel this way

varicoseveined · 09/02/2009 20:24

Aha! May I join this thread? DD is 23 months old and we "still" BF.

Today we saw the GP as I'm expecting baby number 2. He told me in no uncertain terms that I must stop breastfeeding or the hormone levels will be affected! That was after he said, "you're not still feeding her are you?". This came up when he saw that I was on the mini-pill.

I know he was talking nonsense but can someone who's tandem fed please reassure me?!

jafina · 09/02/2009 20:41

Hello, can I join too please??

DD is almost 17 months. DH is quite keen for me to stop, he is paranoid that she will still be bf at 5yo. My own mum and mil don't know I still bf her but if they did they would probably disapprove. I don't bf in public anymore and tbh dd doesn't seem to bothered about that, she prefers home. I still really enjoy bf her and have no idea when I will stop!!

Due to tiredness and having 2 other dcs to look after in the holidays (they are school age) I night-weaned her at 15 months, it was much easier than I expected mainly because DH did the nights for 3 or 4 nights and she seemed to accept that she would get no milk from him! I also no longer bf her to sleep in the evening as it was taking AGES to get her down. DH still finds it much easier to put her down than I do but she is quite happy not to be fed.

Days are another matter, she won't nap in her cot unless bf to sleep so I often take her out for a walk to get her to sleep and then come home and leave her in the buggy.

In answer to chatti, at the moment I generally feed her 2-4 times a day, the early morning one is the most important to her. She definitely wants more when ill. She has no other milk, but that doesn't really bother me although it does annoy DH that she won't have a cup of cow's milk with him occasionally.

Lilyloo · 09/02/2009 22:28

Chatti i too have found that reducing night feeds has increased demand for day feeds.
She will have bottls but will hold bottle in one hand and tug at my top in the other.

NumptyMum · 09/02/2009 23:06

Hi there!

DS is nearly 18mo, and mostly on two feeds a day, after miraculously self-weaning off night feeds about a month ago - phew!! he was only on one feed a night, but it's so great to wake at 7am...

Having said that, he's ill (and teething?) just now, so has been a milk monster the last few days. In fact he's begun remembering the sign for milk (he doesn't have a word for it) so that he can ask for feeds. Only thing is, the sign for milk now gets confused with 'twinkle twinkle' from the nursery rhyme, and 'bye bye', so it's a bit of a guessing game! Sometimes he just points to the pillow or couch where I feed him. I don't get any nipple twiddling, thank goodness, though he likes to hold/play with my hands, which is lovely. Except for when I'm sneakily trying to read a book and want to turn the page!

Originally I thought I'd get to 6 months, then to 12 months, then to 18 months...

mawbroon · 10/02/2009 12:22

Another one here who found that stopping night feeds meant more day feeds, and vice versa.

I decided to stop stressing and go with the flow and it all kind of evened itself out in the end.

One thing I did try was never offer, never refuse. My ds thought his luck was in and asked all the time. His behaviour became appalling after a few days, and I guess he was feeling uneasy that there didn't seem to be a boundary any more. So, we went back to just going with the flow, and sometimes saying no, and things went back to normal in an instant!

BouncingTurtle · 10/02/2009 13:27

Not feeling to good atm, but wanted to ask a question, those of you have managed to night wean but haven't seen an increase in daytime feeds, do your los eat a lot of dairy? Does increasing dairy make any difference? What about drinking - in particular water and moo juice?