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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Childminder ignoring EBM

101 replies

Breizhette · 17/01/2009 21:06

Just found out by accident on Friday that my trusted CM (she looks after DD 2 and DS 5m) thinks EBM doesn't fill him up very well so quite often feeds him a 5 oz bottle 15 minutes after a bottle of EBM!
I was in such shock that I didn't know what to say apart from "That would be why he's getting podgy!"
DS goes 2 days a week + 3 afternoons, so quite a lot really.
I know she thinks breastfed babies are more complicated to look after and she probably finds DS quieter when he's full to the brim.
I really struggled to be where I am with my BF and am still taking domperidone, so it really hurts me.
I don't want to fall out with her as she's great otherwise + I am a coward.
What can I say on Monday to set the record straight?

OP posts:
NotADragonOfSoup · 17/01/2009 21:07

I would ask her why she thinks she has the right to give him formula.

vlc · 17/01/2009 21:08

She gives him formula against your wishes!

Have you been clear with her about the formula? Is it her own supply or did you provide it for her?

Coldtits · 17/01/2009 21:09

If he's taking 5oz of formula straight after a bottle of ebm, perhaps he is hungry and needs it?

Does she have your permission to give any formula? because if she is allowed to give formula, of course she is going to let him drink what he wants - if not, he shouldn't be having any.

PS the last thing you need to be worrying about is whether a baby is getting podgy. Healthy babies come in all shapes and sizes, and he will drink what he needs.

cyanarasamba · 17/01/2009 21:09

I would be fuming and would definitely be falling out with her if she didn't apologise and mend her ways! She has no business disregarding your instructions.

Ripeberry · 17/01/2009 21:09

Your CM should be respecting your wishes and working in partnership with you. You need to talk to her on Monday, otherwise you are going to worry about this. If she is as good as you say she should take it onboard.

cmotdibbler · 17/01/2009 21:11

I would tell her very clearly that you want your DS to only have the EBM, and that he is not to have the formula unless you expressly say so

Original poster
Breizhette · 17/01/2009 21:11

I forgot to say that I gave her a tin of powder to make a bottle a day as I don't express enough most of the time. But it was for an extra feed, not to replace the EBM!

OP posts:
Original poster
Breizhette · 17/01/2009 21:12

Sorry I forgot that vital piece of information. Do you think that mens he is still hungry? At the week-end he's fine without top ups.

OP posts:
MissisBoot · 17/01/2009 21:12

You need to be clear about this with her.

Say that over the weekend you've thought about ds's bottles and you don't want your ds to be given formula unless you have given her permission to do so.

How much EBM do you give her? More than enough for the day?

NorktasticNinja · 17/01/2009 21:13

For a start, sack her. How DARE she? How can you trust her now if she refuses to care for your DC as requested? Secondly I'd look at reporting her to whoever regulates childminders in the UK. How long has she been doing it?

Is that too harsh? I am feeling hormonal but this seems totally out of order and unprofessional to me.

morocco · 17/01/2009 21:13

does she have enough ebm to give him another bottle of ebm instead? it's a hard call if she thinks he's still hungry after the ebm but doesn't have anything else to give him (if he's not on solids yet?). so maybe approach it via 'here is some more ebm in case he still seems hungry. he's not to have formula under any circ (said in nicest way)'

MissisBoot · 17/01/2009 21:13

Do you bottlefeed ebm at weekends?

morocco · 17/01/2009 21:15

sorry - x posts

NorktasticNinja · 17/01/2009 21:15

ah, lots of Xs. Now knowing your DC does have a little formula I'd still be furious with her but possibly a little less shocked.

(I was very shocked)

Original poster
Breizhette · 17/01/2009 21:17

He' starting solids in a week or so (he's 25 weeks). I give her 2 bottles of 5 ounces for 6 hours. I told her she could give him a bottle of powder milk if he needs another bottle, but not straight after the EBM!
I don't give any top ups at the week-end or during the holidays.

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 17/01/2009 21:20

Norktastic, you can't SACK a childminder as they are NOT employed by you. You would be using a SERVICE. Unless you are paying her N.I and income tax then she is self-employed.
Wish people would get that straight!
It's like saying you were going to sack the hairdresser or the plumber! You would just stop using their services

NorktasticNinja · 17/01/2009 21:20

2 5oz bottles EBM for 6-8 hours was fine for my DD at that age, she was ready for a feed when I collected her but totally fine. Obviously all babies are different but it does sound like enough.

KingCanuteIAm · 17/01/2009 21:21

Do you give him EBM at the weekends?

Can you measure how much youare giving at weekends, perhaps he is taking a lot more from you than you realise and the two bottles the cm gives during the week are not enough? Perhaps you could try upping the size of the ebm bottles?

freakypenguin · 17/01/2009 21:21

i wouldn't sack her if she is otherwise a good childminder.

my childminder is brilliant, but has totally different ideas about quantities and frequencies of feeding children.

i am more of a 'three meals a day' and very rarely give snacks, but she is more of a 'little and often' - probably because it suits her own DD more (who has IBS, but that's another issue).

i found that my DS was getting totally filled up on snacks and then not eating his supper, which was his only hot meal of the day. so i just asked her to comply with our patterns of eating more stringently.

i find the idea that you think she uses food as a pacifier a bit worrying though - "she probably finds DS quieter when he's full to the brim".

tough - you don't stuff a child just so they are too full to cause mischief! that can't be right!

tell her exactly what you do at home - write it out for her if necessary, and tell her you expect her to stick to it!

and bloody well done for BFding

Original poster
Breizhette · 17/01/2009 21:22

Thanks NN. It made me doubt myself.

OP posts:
NorktasticNinja · 17/01/2009 21:23

Thanks for that Ripeberry, hope no one was offended . I'm definitely (and clearly) not up to speed on childminders. They're a much rarer breed in this country than in the UK.

Original poster
Breizhette · 17/01/2009 21:26

Thanks Penguin. She's a great CM. DD loves her. I do think she does use food as a pacifier though.
I can't express any more than this. I pump every 2 hours when I work. I don't give EBM when he's with me. We also co-sleeps so he does feed during the night, while she's used to children on 4 meals a day.

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 17/01/2009 21:26

That's OK Norktastic. Its just as a newly registered Childminder i'm trying to make sure that all potential parents understand how childminding works and how much work we now have to put into it with EYFS.
Its much more demanding than being a Nanny that's for sure (all that paperwork).
What country are you in then?

KingCanuteIAm · 17/01/2009 21:31

It sounds like she just has a different approach. If you are not happy with the ff then you need to make it clear that it is only to be used after both bottles of EBM are gone and ds is clearly hungry again (not still IYSWIM).

If you are happy with her in other ways and she is usually approachable then you should try chatting it through first.

At the end of the day she is offering a service - which is to look after your child in a manner that you are happy with.

NorktasticNinja · 17/01/2009 21:31

Breizhette - I made sure nursery always had a spare 5oz of my EBM in the freezer, I think they needed to use it on 2 or 3 occasions between the ages of 5 and 10 months...