Childminder ignoring EBM

[Breizhette]

Just found out by accident on Friday that my trusted CM (she looks after DD 2 and DS 5m) thinks EBM doesn't fill him up very well so quite often feeds him a 5 oz bottle 15 minutes after a bottle of EBM!
I was in such shock that I didn't know what to say apart from "That would be why he's getting podgy!"
DS goes 2 days a week + 3 afternoons, so quite a lot really.
I know she thinks breastfed babies are more complicated to look after and she probably finds DS quieter when he's full to the brim.
I really struggled to be where I am with my BF and am still taking domperidone, so it really hurts me.
I don't want to fall out with her as she's great otherwise + I am a coward.
What can I say on Monday to set the record straight?

She doesn't know more than YOU do about YOUR child.

It doesn't sound like she's deliberately going against your wishes tbh - you said she could top up with formula, so maybe that's what she thinks she's doing?

You don't need to be confrontational about it, just clarify you wishes regarding when and how much formula can be given.

I don't understand why it's okay to give a top-up one hour after an ebm feed but not okay to give it 15m or less.
Would someone explain that to me? TIA

5oz of EBM followed by 5oz of formula 15 minutes later really isn't a top up IMO it's a double feed. Maybe 5oz of EBM followed by 2 or 3oz of FF, if the mum thinks it's necessary.

BUT really, the point is, the OP doesn't need to top up her DS when he's with her, but the childminder has gone against her wishes and IS "topping up" (overfeeding for her own convenience) rather than giving an occasional extra FF feed, should that be necessary.

but if the baby is drinking all of it, and there is not enough EBM ,then he is hungry.. what is the CM to do? even when he starts solids, it will be a few weeks before he drops a milk feed anyway..

what should the CM do if the baby is hungry and there is not enough EBM?

If the childminder feels there isn't enough EBM provided she should discuss that with the mother and find a solution. She should certainly NOT take matters into her own hands without saying anything at all to the mother. This isn't a one off, it sounds like the childminder does it as a matter of course.

Also, the OP has fought tooth and nail to BF her child (still takes domperidone). The childminders attitude that EBM isn't really good enough for a baby is probably very upsetting and psychologically undermining.

The childminder isn't going against op wishes as far as I can see. Op left formula so that the cm could give an extra feed if necessary. She has already said that she left the formula because she couldn't express enough bm. If the cm feels that the extra formula is necessary then she probably thinks that she is complying with the op wishes.
If that's not the case then the op needs a discussion of the details of when to give ff.

Breizhette on Sat 17-Jan-09 21:11:18 "I forgot to say that I gave her a tin of powder to make a bottle a day as I don't express enough most of the time. But it was for an extra feed, not to replace the EBM! "

i appreciate that norktastic, but the OP gave teh CM a tin of formula .. therefore the CM has reasonably, in hr mind, been giving the baby a bottle of formula when he is hungry... i don;t think it is fair to cast teh CM as the villain of the piece.. she has been given implicit permission to give formula.

breihzette and her CM needed to have a big discussion about how much formula is acceptable and how to soothe the baby if he is hungry and there is not enough EBM

The cm appears to be giving extra formula because she thinks that the baby is still hungry.
""That's so true, often I'll give him the EBM, and he'll be crying from hunger 15 minutes later, so I give him 5 ounces of FF"."

Not because she thinks that bm isn't good enough just that she thinks there isn't enough of it.

OK, so I need to know what normal quantities are for a 5 month old baby. I obviously do not want him to go hungry.
When he's at home (week-ends and holidays) I do not top up.
If he is indeed still hungry, I feel that 5 ounces is a lot for a top up.
I'll discuss all this with her tomorrow.
Thanks NN.

Breizhette 150ml per kg of baby's body weight. For example Fifi is 2kg so she needs 300ml a day.

But you said that you gave her formula to top-up. So it is not against your wishes.

You must definetely talk with her. I dont think she is evil or against breast...It seems to me like misunderstading.

And for the millionth time: You cant sack a CM , she is self-employed

also, he will be going to the breast more when at home with you surely, so he probably does not need topping up if he has constant access to the breast....

also regardless of what a 5 month old should drink, some days they will be hungrier than others, but certainly a rough guide is helpful.

I really can't see that the CM is the Cruella DeVil figure some of the others are making her out to be.

You told her it was ok to use formula and that's what she's done.

If she's great in every other aspect, then I wouldn't kick off as good CM's are hard to find. Just say there's been a 'misunderstanding' and you really don't want him to be given formula on top of EBM.

She'll probably say 'fine' - you'll be happy and no confrontation need ever happen!

It can be very hard to find a good childminder and, if you are happy with her in other ways, I wouldn't risk falling out with her over this. It sounds like a misunderstanding to me. Also, babies can behave quite differently, and have different needs when they are with other carers, so maybe your baby does want more when he is with CM. It would be more worrying if he wasn't taking much at all. I think if you go for the angle that it will affect your supply, she might be most sympathetic, but you need to have a good reserve supply of EBM for her.

She's not giving him formula instead of EBM. She's giving it him aswell as because he is still hungry. Would you rather he was crying for more milk

BTW 5 oz doesn't seem much for a baby to be having every 3 hours. DS had that at about 2 months old. He was definitely on full bottles by about 4 months and then we had to increase him onto 13 oz bottles so we could make it 6 months without weaning and he wasn't a big baby or anything.

I think you're right Nancy. No need for a confrontation.
I still think that she likes her babies nice and full but I can ask her tomorrow.

As for quantities, as I don't know how much he's getting at night and when he's with me, it's hard to tell.
Tiramisu, I never said I would sack her.

DDofaToxicMother the amount of milk a FF baby needs is different to the amount of BM needed. Also the amount taken by FF babies increases continuously with time whilst that is not the case with BF babies, where the size of a feed does not increase after a certain age.

BM is more efficiently digested and it's make-up changes over time so that it's always suited to the babies needs. 5oz of FF every 3 hours wouldn't be much at all but 5oz of BM every 3 hours is enough for most BF babies. I know it sounds mad, but others could explain it more clearly.

So basically in total she's giving him about 10 oz. That tallies nicely with how much I just posted that DS was having. Perhaps try and give her 2 full bottles of EBM as opposed to 2 x 5 oz bottles?

DD was mix fed. I always gave him the same amount of EBM as he had FF.

DD was mix fed. I always gave him the same amount of EBM as he had FF.

Toxic - was it EBM? Did the baby also feed at night?

sorry Breiz,
i didnt mean you, some posters said it, but i cant remember names

He did feed in the night yes. Not all through the night though.