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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Childminder ignoring EBM

101 replies

Breizhette · 17/01/2009 21:06

Just found out by accident on Friday that my trusted CM (she looks after DD 2 and DS 5m) thinks EBM doesn't fill him up very well so quite often feeds him a 5 oz bottle 15 minutes after a bottle of EBM!
I was in such shock that I didn't know what to say apart from "That would be why he's getting podgy!"
DS goes 2 days a week + 3 afternoons, so quite a lot really.
I know she thinks breastfed babies are more complicated to look after and she probably finds DS quieter when he's full to the brim.
I really struggled to be where I am with my BF and am still taking domperidone, so it really hurts me.
I don't want to fall out with her as she's great otherwise + I am a coward.
What can I say on Monday to set the record straight?

OP posts:
Original poster
Breizhette · 18/01/2009 16:51

Well, I'll see with the CM tomorrow if she can try and wait a little before giving him the top-ups to make sure he really is hungry. My instinct tells me he isn't. But as I said, I don't intend to starve my son. I obviously want the best for him.

OP posts:
DDofaToxicMother · 18/01/2009 16:51

Ouit of interest how heavy is he? Is he a small baby?

Original poster
Breizhette · 18/01/2009 16:59

Over 17 pounds and he is 5 month and a half.

OP posts:
TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 18/01/2009 17:22

At that weight he should be having 1,155ml a day 48ml an hour or about 40oz a day which is 1.6oz an hour.

Of course that's only a rough guide, but it should help.

Original poster
Breizhette · 18/01/2009 18:35

Thank you Tinker. So, do you think 2 or 3 x 5 ounces could potentially be enough for 6 hours?

OP posts:
NorktasticNinja · 18/01/2009 18:39

1.6oz x 6 is 9.6oz, so yes, 15oz really should be plenty.

Original poster
Breizhette · 18/01/2009 18:56

Thanks, for a moment I started doubting myself. It's not easy all that BF stuff. You need to work so hard at it! Well I do anyway...

OP posts:
LesbianMummy1 · 18/01/2009 19:00

Breizhette could you write a note saying you discuss saying rather than using formula milk you wish to try and stick with ebm so was wondering if she could try offering both ebm's first. maybe ask her to start solids when he has had half of his first bottle this maybe that he is showing signs of hunger and is ready for solids rather than needing formula milk so only give formula milk if he is really unsettled babies don't always read the 26 week rule maybe is only last few weeks she has been doing this because she was not ready to approach you about solids

NorktasticNinja · 18/01/2009 19:12

Please don't doubt yourself, you've done an amazing job of BF against all the odds.

From everything you've said it really does sound like lazy (or maybe ill-informed?) childminding. If you don't want to remove your DC from her care you really need to sort out communication.

I agree with PPs that emphasis on the effect it will have on your supply is a good angle to take. But, do you think that if you explain why you don't want her to give so much formula you can trust her to act on your wishes?

juuule · 18/01/2009 19:55

Why wouldn't Breizhette trust her to act on your wishes. It appears to me from what has been said that she has already been acting on Breizhette's wishes and there has been a misunderstanding about what "top-up" means. It seems to mean one thing to the cm and something else to Breizhette. Once any misunderstanding has been cleared up there shouldn't be a problem I would have thought.

Original poster
Breizhette · 18/01/2009 20:15

Thanks Ninja. I need this as I sometimes find that it's a constant fight. I will have a good talk with her tomorrow.
She is a nice middle-aged lady and she has a lot of experience. She does believe BF is best for the baby but I know she thinks it's more work for her(and it probably is).
I think she knew she wasn't meant to top-up in that way and she only let it out, but if I insist, she will hopefully follow my instructions.
I will ask her to tell me if there is a problem and he does cry straight after his EBM (which I find very hard to believe). And as LM suggested, we might start to introduce solids (although he has eczema, and the paediatrician did ask me to specifically wait for 6 month. Aaaaargh!).

OP posts:
bubbleymummy · 18/01/2009 20:40

Breizhette,
Is there any way you can express a bit extra over the weekend to be used as spare during the week? Also, you can ask that if he still seems hungry after the first bottle of ebm that he be given the second ebm rather than the formula. That way - if he doesn't seem hungry again before you arrive, he's had all ebm and no formula iykwim. TBH I don't see how feeding ebm can be any more work than feeding formula!

Original poster
Breizhette · 18/01/2009 20:59

I am paranoid about my supply as I have been on Domperidone for 5 months or so, so not sure about pumping at the week-end , i.e. there might not be enough left for DS?
I do need to ask if it's arecent thing or if she has been doing this from the start (MID-nOVEMBER).

OP posts:
bubbleymummy · 18/01/2009 21:04

Well you could always try pumping after you've fed him...that way you know he's had his feed and anything extra you can freeze for when you need it. It might also help to up your supply a bit if you're still worried about it.

chipmonkey · 18/01/2009 21:23

Tink, I think that rule does not necessarily apply to older bf babies as the milk gets more calorific as baby gets older. I had pumped 148oz based on that rule to leave ds4 with my Mum for two days away and he only drank 90oz!

Breizhette, I don't know whether this would fit in with your routine but I always do a pumping session at 10 o clock at night to help make up for any shortfall I have when pumping at work. It works out well for us because he goes to bed at 8.30 and rarely wakes up before 4.00 am. Or have you tried pumping from one breast while feeding from the other?

btw. I do think you're doing very well as it is!

chipmonkey · 18/01/2009 21:32

Breizhette, Kellymom is always good for this kind of thing!
Not pumping enough milk from the same site.

blueshoes · 18/01/2009 22:04

Breizhette, 10 oz in an hour sounds like quite a lot at a go.

Is your CM, erm, large?

DDofaToxicMother · 19/01/2009 02:20

Well when i was mix feeding DS i always gave him enough formula or EBM so that he couldn't drain the bottle. If he did drain a bottle I would keep adding an extra ounce until he didn't drain it anymore. Perhaps that is what your CM was doing?

Original poster
Breizhette · 19/01/2009 07:47

Thank you all. Yes indeed Blueshoes. And her children. Mind you, so am I these days.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 19/01/2009 09:15

briezhette, mind you, both my dcs are slim build. But at 6 months, they were at their podgiest, even though exclusively breastfed. So that could be your ds as well.

Once they started crawling, they lost it all.

Maria2007 · 19/01/2009 09:21

I think (judging from my own DS who is 24 weeks) that around the 6 month mark, just before they start on solids (or when they're just starting) their appetite can be huge! I've definitely noticed a couple of weeks ago that my DS was eating far more than usual & always seems ravenous. So 2-3 days ago I've started him on solids which he gobbles up. For my boy (when I give him EBM) 5 oz is not always enough. OK sometimes it is, but other times he clearly needs a bit more.

More generally, I think (as others have said) that there has been a misunderstanding & that you need to have a clearer chat about how you want things to go. As for EBM being somehow not as 'filling'as formula...it's very interesting, lots of people seem to be believe that (my mother among them ) It's probably based on what women were told by their paediatricians / health visitors 30 years ago or so (so your CM may well believe that due to what she was told in her youth). Don't take it personally, it's a commonly found misconception...and since you get on well otherwise with the CM, it's important I think to try to fix things. Good CMs are hard to find

HSMM · 19/01/2009 09:33

I am a CM and feeding of babies is dictated by their parents. If I disagree, I talk to the parents about it and we work something out. I have never had any problem with this arrangement.

blueshoes · 19/01/2009 09:34

I think the impression that bm is not as filling as formula is because it is runnier and is seen to separate out over time.

The point is not whether bm/formula is 'filling' but how easily digestible it is.

BM is very digestible and the baby gets more calories per ml out of bm than formula. Formula despite being more bulky is less digestible and creates more waste. Hence ff-ed babies frequently suffering from constipation.

Original poster
Breizhette · 19/01/2009 10:18

We have sorted things out. She agreed to give more EBM if DS seems hungry after a feed, and also agreed to make sure he really is hungry. She did say however that she though he was genuinely hungry so maybe he is experiencing a growth spurt although I haven't noticed anything different this week-end.
I might also try and pump more in the evening as Chipmonkey suggested.

I think you have summarised it perfectly well blueshoes, BM is very digestible so my DS is probably "settled" for less time compared to her other mindee.
Anyway, solid food soon!

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 19/01/2009 11:02

Good that it's sorted Breizhette! You may still need to keep an eye on the solids. My niece got quite chubby with one CM who was a lot more pushy about food and more "relaxed" about sweets/crisps etc than my dsis!