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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Childminder ignoring EBM

101 replies

Breizhette · 17/01/2009 21:06

Just found out by accident on Friday that my trusted CM (she looks after DD 2 and DS 5m) thinks EBM doesn't fill him up very well so quite often feeds him a 5 oz bottle 15 minutes after a bottle of EBM!
I was in such shock that I didn't know what to say apart from "That would be why he's getting podgy!"
DS goes 2 days a week + 3 afternoons, so quite a lot really.
I know she thinks breastfed babies are more complicated to look after and she probably finds DS quieter when he's full to the brim.
I really struggled to be where I am with my BF and am still taking domperidone, so it really hurts me.
I don't want to fall out with her as she's great otherwise + I am a coward.
What can I say on Monday to set the record straight?

OP posts:
NorktasticNinja · 17/01/2009 21:33

Ripeberry - I hope your tone is a little more friendly when explaining to RL parents

Original poster
Breizhette · 17/01/2009 21:42

Thanks. Yes I will tell her that I thought about it over the week-end and that he can have top ups at least 1 hour after the last EBM.

OP posts:
NorktasticNinja · 17/01/2009 21:53

No, no, no. Don't let her bully you. If he doesn't need topping up at home she shouldn't be topping him up just to pacify him.

IIRC BF babies very rarely take more than 5oz at a feed regardless of age. I'm sure I read something about it on Kellymom but I can't find it ATM.

sleepycat · 17/01/2009 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ripeberry · 17/01/2009 22:00

I'm always polite. It's just i know how much CMs have to put up with parents who treat CMs like au-pairs or unskilled workers.
We are a trying to be professional

NorktasticNinja · 17/01/2009 22:06

Here here sleepycat.

Am I right in thinking you instructed her to give two 5oz EBM feeds and one 5oz FF feed in 6 hours? That really is plenty.

fishie · 17/01/2009 22:12

yy when you start with food then you can tell her to do away with formula entirely. explain that that is what is coming....

how come you found out on friday? what did she say?

mawbroon · 17/01/2009 22:21

I can completely understand why you are upset about this. Is there one particular part of this that upsets you more? The failure to carry out your instructions? The fact that your ds has had formula? Or perhaps that she prefers him "filled to the brim" to keep him quiet?

I am a CM and would absolutely never dream of doing that without your permission.

I also am a breastfeeder and have a pretty good understanding of how it all works.

How much does she know about breastfeeding?

Perhaps she doesn't fully understand how it works and that her filling your ds "to the brim" is not going to do your supply any favours. She maybe also doesn't know that breastfed babies sometimes like to carry on sucking from a bottle, giving the impression that they are hungry, long after they have had enough. Does she try anything else first (eg carrying him in a sling, or a dummy) or does she just go straight for the formula?

How do you think she would react if you explained exactly why you don't want him having formula?

TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 17/01/2009 22:27

I was told yesterday they take around 150ml per kg a day, divide that by how long he is spending with her and that will give you a rough guide to how much you can expect him to take.

moondog · 17/01/2009 22:30

Blimey, I'd go nuts if soeone did this. How utterly disrespectful for starters. I'd take the tin of powder away too, then she can't be tempted. How do you mean you found out 'by accident'?

Pannacotta · 17/01/2009 22:33

I would also be very angry if a CM did this with my baby.
It is totally disrespectful and pretty outgrageous that she did this without consulting you.

Original poster
Breizhette · 18/01/2009 11:54

I found out on Friday, as we were chatting and I said "BF is digested must faster than FF" to which she replied "That's so true, often I'll give him the EBM, and he'll be crying from hunger 15 minutes later, so I give him 5 ounces of FF".
The part that annoys me the most is that I had to work very hard to get where I am with my BF. I need to set the record straight on Monday, but I have a fear of confrontation and I know she thinks the whole BF thing is a pain.

OP posts:
katpink · 18/01/2009 12:11

i would go crazy if someone gave my dd ff milk with permission.
I know that there are reccomended feeding amounts for each age but sometimes they are just hungery. My nephew at 5mths was have 5 or 6 BF a day and 2 7oz FF of the hungery baby forumlar, he is on the 98 centile and is not over weight his brother was the same and boys seem to feed more than girls in my exprience.

have you tried expressing during the night to help increase your supply?

BodyBagBastard · 18/01/2009 12:17

thanks is fucking outrageous.
i would bin her.

she probably wants him all stuffed and full so she doesn't have to do much with him.

sounds like a lazy cow to me

bubbleymummy · 18/01/2009 12:57

If she thinks he is still hungry after his 5oz feed why doesn't she offer him the second 5 oz of ebm first? It sounds like she doesn't really trust in it to fill him up and I think that really needs correcting. It's awful to have to deal with confrontation but I definitely wouldn't be happy with this situation at all - he's your baby and he should be fed according to your guidelines.

Original poster
Breizhette · 18/01/2009 13:09

Unfortunately I do think that she wants him stuffed. She's was great with DD (who is now 2) but she has taken more kids on and I think she's finding it harder to cope. I am dreading the discussion tomorrow.

OP posts:
BodyBagBastard · 18/01/2009 13:30

breizhette shes put his health at risk.
do not accept that, I know you say you find this difficult but that is really not on.
good luck tomorrow.

NewAmazingBeginning · 18/01/2009 13:34

I think there is something strange if he doesn't need top ups with you but does with her?

I would find this hard to forgive tbh.

Lulumama · 18/01/2009 13:52

it is a bit of a shock, BUT you gave her formul amilk for top ups

she has felt he needed a top up, you have kind of implied that she can give him formula if needed.

and she has felt it was needed, and gave it to him

if you felt so so strongly, then you should not have given her the formula milk

and perhaps had a much more in depth conversation with her about the milk

if your baby is hungry, and needs more milk then you need to , if at all possible, give her more EBM

trying to see both sides here, can see why you are upset, but also why she gave him formula

Original poster
Breizhette · 18/01/2009 13:53

I was worried that it was me being BF-obsessed. It's not, is it?
It's ruined something between the CM and me now, as i now know that she does respect the rules. I have to stress that she is great in other aspects though. And DS will be stratring solids soon so I am not sure it's worth changing. But she needs to respect my wishes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Breizhette · 18/01/2009 14:03

Lulumama, I see your point but a top-up is not 5 ounces of milk. Plus I am fine with her giving him formula, just not 15 minutes after 5 ounces of EBM. It is as if EBM is not proper food for her. Anyhow, will discuss tomorrow.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 18/01/2009 14:04

i hope your discussion goes well, these sorts of things are always a bit difficult

perhaps give her some ideas of how you soothe him and distract him and differentiate between crying/unsettled from hunger and for some other reason.

Original poster
Breizhette · 18/01/2009 14:11

Thanks. I am not looking forward to it. She has 25 years of experience under her belt so she probably knows more than I do.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 18/01/2009 14:12

depends how many younger babies , breastfed ones particualrly, she has looked after

bubbleymummy · 18/01/2009 14:13

No one knows more about your child than you do! Good luck tomorrow xo