Anyone else prepared to admit that they didn't b/f just because they didn't want to ??

[IllegallyBrunette]

Just wondered really.

I have 3 dc and didn't breast feed any. I was 19 when I had dd1 and was asked by a midwife if i'd be breastfeeding and I said no. There was no argument or discussion, that was that.

When I had dd2 at 34 weeks she had to be tube fed. I offered to express milk for her but was told i needn't bother.

With ds, again I didn't want to but even if I had it would have been hard as he was supposed to be on phototherapy 24/7 for a week.

I think the attitude towards ff mums on this forum by some bf mums is disgusting. I would never dream of saying anything against any mum for feeding her baby by whichever way she chooses, yet some of the comments on here like 'formula should only be available if there is a proven medical need' are just awful.

No, but some people HATE being pregnant... I fet v claustrophobic, espesh the first time (still likely to do it again, at least once more )

well....have no response to that ....and whilst I generally loved all the above and still miss bf 3 years after finishing for the final time....my ys has put me off having anymore children....bless him....

With my 1st who was in NICU I used a pump.With my 2nd I managed 1 day and with my 3rd I knew I would ff from the outset.

I don't understand the point of this thread. If you are happy with your choice as most people appear to be, why start a thread with this title. Reading through it, I see that most people have attempted to breastfeed at some point but have used formula for various (valid) reasons.

If I chose to ff just because I wanted to and was happy with that choice then I would just get on with my life and be happy. Particularly as most people in real life choose this option anyway and it is now considered the norm in most hospitals.

Most women who are breastfeeding or trying to, start threads in this section because it can be very difficult to establish and receive proper support in real life.

Note, I am not criticizing your choice but just questioning the need for a potentially inflammatory thread which seems to serve no purpose except to divide mothers into two groups.

BiskyBat, I suspect that is because people who have chosen to FF are sometimes made to feel really bad about it - and often on forums like this.

From reading this thread I haven't really understood exactly WHY people choose not to breastfeed at all. I can understand why many of the women say they were happy with their decision to switch to ff becuase they were having problems bf and didn;t get the advice/support they wanted/needed which to me is a completely different thing than choosing to ff from the outset. I've read a lot of posts simply saying 'they just didn't want to' but not why iyswim. I'm still curious really...is it body image? pressure from/fear of judgement by family/friends? previous bad experience etc?
If you know something is best for your baby - what is it that makes people not want to even try?

Some people dont know that it is best for the baby, so why would they try if they didnt want to?

hmm...see 27, that one I find so difficult to believe...especially as many of those that apparebntly choose not to bf tend to say, I know it all, blablabla..but I just didn't like it....

obviously I know that you don't know what you don't know.....

Well that's a different story A few of the posters did recognise that bf was better but that they just didn't want to do it. I'm just being curious about the underlying reasons in those situations...obviously people don't have to answer if they don't want to!

oh, I completely understand bubbley....I also just really can not understand....however, I suppose I also would not be able to judge what makes a real reasons...I mena in my head I could, but that wouldn't mean I am right...

I know people who dont think there is any difference, and who seem to know that there might be a difference.
When I was first pregnant I knew that breastfeeding was "best" but I had very little idea why. I know now, but the thing that made me really look into it was that I was finding BF so horrendous I was looking for reasons to prove that I could legitimatly give it up. Of course the more I found out about it the more I realised that I was never going to find anything that said that FF was as good as BF.

I think that your comments about socio-cultural factors are relevant. If you know someones age, social staus and educational background then you have a pretty good chance of guessing how they fed their baby. So how much does it really have to do with individual choice?

Sorry, should be "seem not to know that there might be a difference"

I've always read these threads in the past and decided not to stick my oar in since I'll no doubt be flamed, but this time I'm going to give my views.

I do judge those who choose to ff their children without even trying to breastfeed. I also judge women who smoke during their pregnancies and around their children. I also think it's a complete cop-out to state that ff works 'best' for their families and that what you feed your children is only a small part of parenting etc.

I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant. I was a single mother - DD's father vanished as soon as he found out I was pregnant. Nontheless, I immediately read every book I could find on pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding. I went to both NCT antenatal classes and NHS ones. I attended a breastfeeding support group whilst I was pregnant. I did as much research as I could about the birth process and made a birth plan. I endeavoured to make healthy choices throughout my pregnancy.

When DD was born, my milk didn't come in until day 6. Nonetheless, I had her on the breast virtually 24/7 and refused to cave into FF. Thankfully, my milk came in and I breastfed until she was 2.5 years.

Whilst I would have been devastated if my milk hadn't have come in and would therefore have to have FF, I cannot for the life of me understand why mothers would choose to compromise their child's health by not even trying to breastfeed. Why would you deliberately expose your child to a higher risk of obesity, diabetes, gastric illness, SIDS and childhood cancer? It's irrelevant whether some of these things can be treated by the NHS - why should the NHS have to fork out time and again for illnesses that could be prevented or at least reduced, through breastfeeding?

Why wouldn't a mother choose to put her own feelings about breastfeeding aside and make a determined effort to breastfeed her child? Surely everyone wants what is best for their children, especially health-wise? Why would someone deliberately ignore the mounds of evidence and cite the odd example such as "I was ff but it didn't do me any harm" in the face of such evidence to the contrary?

So, frankly, I do judge mothers that don't breastfeed because they simply don't want to. When you have children you have a responsibility to do the best you possibly can, not just what you feel like doing.

not read whole thread - not enough time...
I didn't want to bf. I did try for dd's sake, but neither she nor I took to it. My mum persuaded me to stop trying after 2 weeks (not much persuasion required)!
dh wasn't sorry cos then he could help with feeding, esp. at night.
Some of my friends bf, others didn't. We didn't go into reasons, whichever worked for us was fine. Our lo's are all fine.
I'd never judge anyone either way.

Rockin...your point of nhs forking out....well...nhs doesn't seem to care quite enough about bf and all that could be reduced if numbers of bf were higher/if bf became the norm....because if they would appreciate this, they would make sure that good bf training would be mandatory, they would make sure that all those professionals that come i n touch with new mothers had good bf knowledge....and they probably would make sure that bfc's would not have to be volunteers but would be a paid profession, encouraging bfc's to train and work and enaling a good support network....
therefore, one can't just blame the mothers....

also, whilst I am a big believer in the whole socio cultural thing...one of my best friends certainly doesn't fit the mold....because, whilst she is socio-culturally somewhere lower down, she has a very good history of succesful and long term breastfeeding....indeed whilst her language and some habits may class her as a bottom of the line mother to some some people, she is one of the most passionate and protective motehrs I have ever known....but she is a rebel...so, possibly she fits the mold of bf, because she rebelled about her families norm, she rebelled against the low opinion her family had and she rebelled against those that try to opress her.....

I know some really intelligent people that ff, just as I do that bf. It isn't always a case of "she didn't know better" or "she doesn't care" - if only life was this simple. Yes, education and support is needed, but you can't assume that only stupid or ignorant people ff!

For the posters that felt ff-ing mothers were wasting taxpayers' money, I'd recommend a warm cup of chamomile tea: You're potentially costing me money - risks. (Since we're being childish and all.)

27: MORI conducted a survey for NCT a few years ago and found that something like a third of women had the impression that formula was as good as or better than breastmilk. I can't find a link to to completed survey, sorry. But it is certainly not the case that everyone knows that how they feed their baby has a different impact on their baby's health.

Maria: I have some academic refs for maternal diet and bf, but this is a shortcut to a layperson's guide:
www.kellymom.com/nutrition/mom/mom-diet.html

In extreme situations, the mother will suffer nutritionally before the baby does. Breastmilk is not really made from the mother's diet, but from her blood and from her energy stores (her fat, basically).

FairLady - very valid point about the NHS. I spent a lot of time contradicting information passed to me by a particular health visitor who clearly advocated FF and thought that BF mothers were a bit odd. I remember once stating that I would start introducing solids at six months (this was back in 2001 when UK guidelines were still at four months), since this was what the WHO was recommending. She gave me a look and said, "the World Health Organisation? Well, what do they know?" It would be hilarious if it wasn't so depressing.

However, I still find it strange that women don't arm themselves with information and therefore have the confidence to ignore/contradict those that give ill-advised or just plain wrong information to new mothers. Possibly I am rebellious in that I don't simply accept things as a given, but want to do my own research. But when it's your child's health and future at stake, why wouldn't anyone do this?

Rockin, totally know what you are talking about...with es, I simply was not that well informed...I know I oculd have gone to the library, but my english was shit, basically....and I was already living over here...

having the internet by the time ms was born really helped me find relevant information and do research...however, one has to accept that not everyone really subscribed to the internet....by now, possibly most people do...but I know plenty of people still that don't.....so, that might be a reason...another is, that people still trust health proffessionals, and it is kinda sad that often you really possibly shouldn't....but, than, they get paid to know whatever they should be knowing....why should a layperson HAVE to have the knowledge of a midwife, a doctor and a healthvisitor....one should be able to trust that they update their knowledge and blablabla....but again...ns is not really prepared to enable any of their professions properly and ethicaly, which would mean they should ahve toime for the people they care for, aswell as be of current knowledge....

It's pretty depressing tbh to read about those of you whose partners and relatives/friends haven't supported you in trying to continue but have actively encouraged you to stop. This is why there has to be a cultural shift away from ff being part of the norm - it's not enough just to educate and support mothers - the whole family needs to embrace it.

Rockin:

I completely disagree with what you write, to me your arguments can be seen as actually quite offensive to someone who for various reasons (which you only presume to know) hasn't breastfed. There is a whole list of health choices parents make for their children:
--vegetarianism or meat-eating
--eating sugar / junk food
--smoking or not smoking while having children in the household
--drinking alcohol & setting an 'example', and also drinking a bit of alcohol during pregnancy
--eating & cooking organic, good quality food (and 'sacrificing' other luxuries in order to do that, if it's not easily available)
--continuing to bf when it's clearly not working out (and causing stress) versus choosing to give formula & thus avoid the stress
--expressing milk (when not able to breastfeed directly) or giving formula
--giving homemade purees or buying ready-made jars. Or even, doing BLW

I can think of LOADS more. However much my personal choice is to breastfeed, as I really have found it a wonderful, enriching experience, I would never dream to judge those who don't, because there are all sorts of other aspects of health choices which are equally or even MORE crucial in the long term. I support & would like to be able to help mothers who choose to bf, but let's say that's my own chosen 'cause' (or whatever you want to call it). I have friends who are vegetarians & are bringing their kids up vegetarian. They have never judged me for not doing so, although clearly for them vegetarianism is the preferred choice... What I'm trying to say is that it's very smug & self-satisfied to presume one's own choices (based on whatever info is available to each of us) are best for everyone else too. Like it or not, formula milk is part of life in 2009- and OK, I can't say I like that formula is so widespread, but that's the way it is, and the fact that I like it or not is clearly irrelevant to many of my friends who think ff is a perfectly acceptable way to feed their children. The friends I refer to, btw, are intelligent, know that breastfeeding is a better choice, they just don't believe (from what they've told me) that it's the most important choice in their children's health, nor that it makes such a difference as others presume it makes.

My sister didn't want to bf she said it was purley becuase in todays world breasts have become such a sexulised thing in mens mafs and page 3 that to her it felt worng and icky to have a baby sucking on them, i know a few women with the same feelings, i just think that is really sad that the way breasts are used in the media to meet mens sexul needs had taken away what they are really for, hence why i am against page 3 and such like.

bubbleymummy you say 'I've read a lot of posts simply saying 'they just didn't want to' but not why iyswim. I'm still curious really...' I have already posted explaining why- previous bad experience means that I would never attempt to BF again. I will FF. Good enough reason?

Although I get the feeling on MN (and never in 'real life', incidently) that NO reason not to BF will ever be good enough to those who choose to do it.

I'm an educated professional, I'm well aware of the benefits, but I won't be BF. I get a little tired of the patronising posts reminding me of the benefits and questioning my choices. Quite what it has to do with anyone else is beyond me!

"why should the NHS have to fork out time and again for illnesses that could be prevented or at least reduced, through breastfeeding?"

I tend to look at the big picture rather than one tiny piece of it.

I feel there are many factors throughout your childs life to which you can benefit their health. You can encourage healthy eating and excercise throughout their childhood and that to me is more important to maintain than anything. Leading your child to bad eating habits is going to effect their health far more in the long run than not bf will.

Someone i know has three teenage children who ALL smoke. When i asked her if she was angry about this she said "Well me and my dh smoke so we can't really lecture them about it." A valid point imo. These three bf children are wiping out any benefits bf gave them through a direct result in their own parents bad habits.

I agree about bf by the way, about it's health benefits etc. I think if there were two worlds where one every child was bf and where one every child was ff and everyone lived exactly the same life styles, the people in the bf world would be undenialbly healthier. But we don't live in two seperate worlds, we live in one, where parents individuel life style choices are all factors in their children long term health throughout their childhoods, not just in the first six months of life.

The whole NHS arguement is bullshit imo. Yes lets all blame the adults who choose to ff their children. Why not blame the adults who lecture mothers over bf yet don't treat their own health with the same respect?