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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

why do people bottle feed?

406 replies

stitch · 28/02/2005 14:28

first of all, i dont want this to become a slanging match. i am honestly curious about the reasons.
im asking about those women who do not even try breastfeeding. the ones who think that it is an equal choice between breast and formula. i dont want to judge anyone, i just want to know how these women can justify denying their babies species specific milk.
my eldest was mainly bottlefed, my younger two were exclusively breastfed till they were weaned. and moved to formula around the eight month mark.

OP posts:
JoolsToo · 28/02/2005 15:22

what's all this about IQ? all my 3 are high achievers - all went to Uni (albeit one dropped out )

vict17 · 28/02/2005 15:23

marialuisa thanks for being so honest - your post really made sense to me too. I guess i only ever heard that 'breast is best' so it didn't occur to be to ask for formula in hospital, I was too scared.

marialuisa · 28/02/2005 15:24

oh, there's some study suggesting that bf babies usualy have a higher IQ than bottlefed babies. Can't remember the details TBH.

vict17 · 28/02/2005 15:24

I haven't heard about the iQ thing either. I ws bottle fed and I have managed fine at school, uni etc

Fran1 · 28/02/2005 15:25

coldtea you can ask me any of those questions, i won't be offended

I am always curious to know the answer to stitches question too. Not so i can be smug, and i don't necessarily agree with her wording of "denying their babies specific milk" because we know millions of babies survive fine on formula.

But i think it is a fair enough question to ask, i loved bf dd even though i had feelings of "yuck" before i was pg, mainly cos i had never known anyone elst who bf. And so when i meet a pg mum who says she doesn't want to bf i am always soooo tempted to say why? and tell her how great and easy it is (provided no other health issues get in the way). But i don't cos i respect other peoples wishes and in RL wouldn't want to appear to be putting them down for their decision. So here at MN where ANYTHING can be discussed it is interesting to hear others views. If you do not wish to discuss your reasons, or if it were due to health reasons then do not answer stitches question. She is asking for those who are happy to discuss their reasons to share with others.

Everytime i read somebody getting upset by such a question being asked, i always assume they are feeling guilty for not bf their children and therefore react in such a way. ( i'm not saying i'm right, but that sort of reaction makes me feel like that).

Fran1 · 28/02/2005 15:29

marialusa thanks for your honest reply!!

At first i thought i would be better to bottlefeed as i knew i would be going back to work after 3 months, and didn't want baby to be confused. Luckily i had a mw who taught me all about expressing!!

but i totally understand all your points

JoolsToo · 28/02/2005 15:32

wel I might be protesting too much but be assured no guilt in this house!

I think what it is - is that it slightly pisses you off when you are asked again and again to 'justify' your decisions (and it pisses you off even more when people assume guilt - no offence) - what difference does it make to anyone elses life what JoolsToo does? none whatsoever

Toothache · 28/02/2005 15:34

I tried and failed with ds, lasted only a week. He was a hungry demanding baby and I sank into a deep depression after he was born.

Dd lasted 4 wks, was very proud of myself, but was having to top her up with formula anyway!! So I switched to formula fulltime.

DD and DS are very healthy!

Toothache · 28/02/2005 15:37

Marialuisa - I was bottlefed and have an IQ of 124. [blowing own trumpet emoticon]

Joolstoo - TOTALLY agree with you. Sick of threads on MN about justifying bottlefeeding. Don't get any of this in RL!!! Just on Mumsnet.

My Mum breastfed my 2 younger brothers (16 & 13) until they were both 18mths old..... they both have horrific excema and have both recently been diagnosed with asthma! So hmmm... bit dubious about the allergy thing!

JulieF · 28/02/2005 15:45

I think that stitch asked a very important question, that more health professionals should ask. Then perhaps they could actually support mums properly.

Anyone who does not wish to justify themsselves need not answer.

Anyway, here goes:

When pregnant with dd I wasn't, shall we say, the most maternal person in the world. I had very little contact with babies, I thought the whole motherhood thing was a bit yukky to be honest and had decided that I would have my baby, then return to work as quickly as possible.

Saying all that of course I was excited and I was going to do everythinhg right, only we never do, do we.

I had been brought up amogst a family of ardent bottlefeeders, it was all I knew. As far as my mum was concerned I was bottlefed and am alright (if you ignore the asthma, excema and hayfever). Breastfeeding in public was a disgusting thing that shouldn't be allowed.

However because I had read that breastfeeding was good for babies I decided that I would try it. It was assumed by everyone that I would bottlefeed though. My mother in law turned up when I was 12 weeks pg with a present of a steriliser and a dozen bottles.

Meanwhile my maternity care was very sporadic. My midwife went on maternity leave and I had a series of fill ins so I never saw the same person twice. my breastfeeding talk consisted of me being told that I should breastfeed and being asked to sign a sheet to say that they had discussed it with me.

As time went on my fears began to come to the surface. I began to have nightmares that I had given birth and was trying to feed my baby, I put it to the nreast and nothing came out.

The nightmares only stopped when I decided that I would bottlefeed.

There followed an awful incident at the antenatal classes when everyone was asked to put their hands up if they were going to breastfeed. When I didn't I had 20 other women turn around and look at me in horror. This put my back up even more. The whole attitide was summed up by a hospital brochure with the strapline, best for baby, best for mum. I felt that no-one could know what was best for me unless they actually took the time to talk me me and evaluate MY particyular cirmumstances. After all I am a unique person, not a number.

After actually giving borth I was asked how I was going to feed dd. i mentioned the possibility of mixed feeding but was told that it was not possible and I had to make a choice of one or the other, bottle or breast. No other options were explained and no-one talked through why I wasnted to do things that way.

I chose bottle. Dh gave dd her first feed.

Sorry abot the essay, hope thats the sort of thing you are looking for stitch.

coldtea · 28/02/2005 15:58

Fran1 , i understand your point but there is no guilt here.

I know of mothers who act as the breast feeding police who then go on to jar feed their babies (i'm not passing judgement here) but you would think if the reasons they breast feed are based on health & what is nutritionaly (sp!) best etc , why jar feed? It seems such a condridiction.

My point is that as long as we're happy with our own decisions , who cares. I always made home cooked food , but i wouldn't put out a post asking why people jar feed because i really don't need to know their reasons.

stitch · 28/02/2005 16:01

thank you for your honest replies.
marial your reasons make total sense to me.
jt, i am not questioning your parenting, so please dont get so defensive. your assertion that you wanted to was enough
thankyou fran for clarifying topeople that if they dont want to answer, then dont.
in real life i would never ask people about this because it would cause conflict, and im not bothered enough to be the cause of it. it is 'safer' to ask such things on mn.
my dh cousins wife has had a baby, and when i asked if she was planning to breastfeed the baby, (before the baby was born obviously) she gave me a strange look, as if i had asked her if she had stocked up on whisky for the baby or something. she went on talking to her other sil about something else, in bengali as her english is almost nonexistent.i stayed quiet after that, but found her attitude very odd. i was hoping someone here could help me understand her attitude

OP posts:
coldtea · 28/02/2005 16:02

Sorry , have just re-read my post & bf police sounds harsh (not intended) of course i am aware of the benefits & i admire anyone that does it , but i can't help think that not everyone does it from the 'breast is best' angle.

Toothache · 28/02/2005 16:04

I, unfortunately put too much importance on what other people think sometimes. And the guilt when I failed bf'ing ds almost drove me to suicide.

I jar feed my babies... and from reading the ingredients its just what I'd put in it homecooked anyway!! I had no idea there was an issue with this as well!

I'm off home now to nutritionally pollute my children.

nailpolish · 28/02/2005 16:05

stitch, maybe when you asked her she was just surprised. maybe she thought it was none of your business, or its the sort of thing she finds embarrassing to talk about. although obviously i dont know her. i wouldnt take it personally though, just shrug it off

i actually used to get annoyed when people asked me how i was going to feed my babies, i thought it was a bit nosy

misdee · 28/02/2005 16:06

coldtea, i used jars after breastfeeding, mainly as my cooking is notorisly bad. but i only ever used the organix range, as its 100% food and no additives. i read somewhere that you can get the recipies they use online so will try and source them out this time as dd2 loved the range.

stitch · 28/02/2005 16:08

thank you julie, yes, it was what i was looking for. lack of support and a bottlefeeding culture.
i gave my ds2 jars, even though he was exlusively breastfed. the reason? well, i was told to mix first purees in with babies normal milk, with ds1 that was easy as it was formula, but with ds2, expressig bmilk was a complete nightmare for me. and after two days of yelling at everyone, being stressed out, giving ds1 processed pizza or chicken nuggets to eat, i decided it wasnt worth the battle. he was getting goodness from the breastmilk, bulk from the jars, a stress free mom, ds1 was getting veg, and we had a callm atmosphere at home.
hypocritical? maybe, but i have never been a militant breastfeeder. or organic food type.

OP posts:
TheVillageIdiot · 28/02/2005 16:08

I haven't read all of the post on here but I just wanted to say that I didn't breast feed and here's why

  • I didn't feel I wanted to
  • I had no urge to
  • I planned on going back to wrok wuite quickly afterwards (didn't but that's beside the point)
  • not sure I should write this but I have a high sex drive, really enjoy it and my body is(read-my boobs are) important to me, i like the way they look and I didn't want them to change.

I thought when the baby came I might change my mind but I didn't. I made the decision that was right for me and I don't regret it at all. Next time I might want to breast feed but I think at the end of the day doing what feels right for you is what really matters. dd and I were both happy with the bottle arrangement so it worked for us.

Beansmum · 28/02/2005 16:09

coldtea, I bf ds and cook all his meals myself but jar food is not the same as formula, it has the same ingredients as I am using while formula definitely doesn't have the same ingredients as breastmilk.

coldtea · 28/02/2005 16:09

Oh god , i'm not trying to start another debate. Sorry , i did try to point out which context it was in. I only cooked as it was cheaper & i expect it is this reason that many people often bf? If it's any consolation if you read down to my post lower down , i do all of those things & am not in the least ashamed. If we weren't good parents we wouldn't be here looking for reassurance in what we do. Nobody is perfect.

stitch · 28/02/2005 16:10

i know i should have used the organix jars, but am just plain stingy

OP posts:
Beansmum · 28/02/2005 16:10

actually some jars are probably better than my cooking as I don't use organic food most of the time

misdee · 28/02/2005 16:10

i burn water!!

Angeliz · 28/02/2005 16:11

Haven't even read this thread but how can you possibly say stitch that you're not judging and then ask people to 'justify' themselevs.

coldtea · 28/02/2005 16:12

Angeliz , i think that was the part that riled me

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