I desperately wanted to bf ds, because I heard about all the goodness and nutrients and he wouldnt get fat and I would lose weight etc etc etc that we all are told.
He had one feed after being born, but having swallowed a ton of mucus he didn't feed again for 3 days as he vomited frequently and just wasn't hungry. Eventually they tubefed him milk in the middle of the night, and try as I might I just couldn't express hardly any.
They continued feeding a mixture of ebm and formula at the hospital and then after a few days we came home, with him tentatively bf-ing. The only way we could get him to was using nipple shields, as he became very used very quick to the bottle and they seemed the closest thing to him.
As he still didn't like bf much, we gave him a bottle of formula at night. He started sleeping through quite early, and I was comforted by the fact that I knew he was getting something. I was also tormented by the fact he'd feed for hours and still was hungry, plus expressing got me maybe 20ml max. I kept diarys, read books, consulted HV, all said he was doing fine. After a few check ups they realised he wasn't putting on weight, in fact was losing it, and suggested I move onto bottlefeeding, which I did amidst a few tears because I really did want to feed him myself.
Part of me still believes he could have been healthier bfed. He's a big baby for his age, but as he has never ate a huge amount I can't really put it down to his food. He's had a lot of V&D, colds, ear infections etc and I do wonder if BFing would have helped prevent against that.
For no2 I'm going to try it again, even though I have realised life is so much easier bottle feeding. I know what he's having, we've regulated feeds, anyone can do it... but I'd still like to try bfing again