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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

why do people bottle feed?

406 replies

stitch · 28/02/2005 14:28

first of all, i dont want this to become a slanging match. i am honestly curious about the reasons.
im asking about those women who do not even try breastfeeding. the ones who think that it is an equal choice between breast and formula. i dont want to judge anyone, i just want to know how these women can justify denying their babies species specific milk.
my eldest was mainly bottlefed, my younger two were exclusively breastfed till they were weaned. and moved to formula around the eight month mark.

OP posts:
flamesparrow · 08/03/2005 11:29

I actually did know a lot of the facts, but that is because I looked it up for myself, alone - other women might not have the resources to do that.

Sponge · 08/03/2005 11:31

Trouble is, information isn't the same as support and help.
I had plenty of information and wanted to breastfeed my dd. I wasn't given much helo in hospital and was sent home after a day with feeding not at all established. My community midwife was quite brusque and not too helpful with feeding. She suggested that dd was having trouble latching on because I had large nipples - what am I supposed to do about that ffs. I struggled on for a few days, dd lost weight and became jaundiced. I was advised my midwife that we should go and get some formula which we did and dd fed well and got better. But I didn't feel I had a choice. New mum's are inexperienced, emotional and vulnerable and I believed what I waa told was the only option. I didn't know that I could try to carry on breastfeeding and I didn't know where to go for help.
With ds I was in hospital much longer and was able to establish feeding better and I was more determined to continue, especially since dd does have eczema, tendencies to asthma etc. I also had mumsnet and got support here. Also the literature seemd to have improved in that there was more about technique and where to go for help if you were struggling.
I support women's right to choose whatever feeding method they like but I think a lot do not exactly "choose" bottlefeeding but get steamrollered into it because they struggle with breastfeeding.

Beansmum · 08/03/2005 11:36

Why can't people research things for themselves? I got given a ton of info on feeding, labour choices and the whole breast v bottle debate, all of it very useful. I also read up on things that were worrying or confusing me and if I was unsure I asked my midwife or HV. The midwife visited after ds was born and I could have asked her if I had any problems, also the stuff I was given had contact details of support groups.

I don't think people need to be spoon fed all the info they could possibly need, just the basics (which most people already get) and then they can find out more if they want to.

One thing that I think would be a good idea would be for more people to go to bumps and babies groups rather than having separate groups for mums and for pg women, I didn't know any mums before I had ds.

psychomum5 · 08/03/2005 11:36

Off on a tangent here...sorry..
Do any of you aldies have sons who use warhammers??
If so, do you know if it is toxic??
freind DD has eaten some!!!

flamesparrow · 08/03/2005 11:39

The bumps and babies group is an excellent idea!

Not one of the mums in my antenatal classes had other children, so we were all pretty lost together.

I am guessing by the sounds of it that there is just more info given out on formula in other areas, and I got the shoddy lot. My midwife quit halfway through too, so I got messed about there as well.

Sponge · 08/03/2005 11:40

I had all the information Beansmum and I wanted to breastfeed, I just physically couldn't make it work with dd. I asked my midwife for help and the help she gave me was to tell me my nipples were too big and that I should buy some formula.
I didn't have a computer or internet acces at the time and I wasn't given any information on where I could go for other breastfeeding help.

flamesparrow · 08/03/2005 11:44

She seriously told you that your nipples were too big??? Are midwives and health visitors not sent on some sort of breastfeeding support course?

docket · 08/03/2005 11:44

Can anyone enlighten me, are there actually 'dangers' involved in using formula? Clearly some of the health benefits of breastfeeding don't translate to formula but is it actually 'bad' for baby? If so, why?

tiktok · 08/03/2005 11:45

psychomum....yes, I am very logical

I think we get it wrong in the UK. I am in favour of good information, freely shared, that's backed up with good help. Sponge's story is classic - 'plenty of information' she says, but when it came to overcoming problems to enable her to follow her choice to bf.....absolutely nada.

Women then feel bad about feeding - some come on to boards like m/n and express resentment about bf information because it doesn't support women who found bf didn't work out; others just feel bad and stay silent.

I think mothers need to know that mixed feeding can often lead to full formula feeding (flamesparrow's experience) - although for others it can mean they end up bf longer than they would do otherwise. Individual experience is hard to predict.

People do seem to need to be helped to interpret research. Health risks of formula do not mean every formula fed baby is going to become ill as a result of having the formula....I am very tired of reading arguments that 'my child was formula fed and is perfectly healthy but my neice was breastfed and has asthma' as if that tells us anything at all except one person's individual experience.

But mostly, I am less concerned with printed information (which I think has a marginal effect on people's behaviour, at most, and which can never tell the whole story or meet everyone's needs) and more engaged with the need for proper training and support for all.

tiktok · 08/03/2005 11:52

Docket, many of the health risks of formula are there because the baby is not being breastfed, so there is an absence of the protection given by breastfeeding. There is also a small risk that formula is contaminated at the point of manufacture or in transit, but this is a rare occurance.

If you want documented stuff about the risks, you can look here and click on the PDF entitled 14 risks of formula feeding, which is also in French if you prefer ; ) ('cos it's a Canadian website).

flamesparrow · 08/03/2005 11:52

Can I just put my hand up and say that I stand by all the feeding choices I made for B, and I am happy about them.

The mix feeding was done intentionally as I knew that I wanted to change her to formula, and that I wanted to follow her lead with it, rather than a sudden cold turkey swap. I know that there is support etc that could have got me feeding and working, but I didn't want to. I know how drained I get anyway, and wanted to have as little extra to think about as possible - including pumping.

I used the word "reject" with the b/f because it is what everyone seems to say "My baby has rejected the breast".. not just a simple "my baby has weaned herself off". I felt happy that she was fulfilled, rather than snubbed.

Not that that is anything to do with anything... just read back my own post and it sounded wrong so I wanted to reword!

docket · 08/03/2005 11:56

thanks tiktok

psychomum5 · 08/03/2005 12:00

I still feel guilty about not being able to breastfeed baby no.5, because my milk was deemed 'bad' for him. Maybe there should be more support given for that too....for those who feel they've 'failed' their child.

They may be support out there tho, but none was forthcoming to me

flamesparrow · 08/03/2005 12:02

Awww, he not failed, he had what was best for him.

xxx

psychomum5 · 08/03/2005 12:06

He did...but I still failed him with my 'bad' milk.

should I have perseveired (sp?) with exclusion diet??

Sponge · 08/03/2005 12:12

I felt terrible at the time with dd too. Felt I wasn't a complete mother and that she'd rejected me. I don't feel that now but it took a while to accept and I wasn't given any help with this - even dh wasn't much help as he didn't really understand why I was upset - he just saw bottles as a good practical solution.

flic23 · 08/03/2005 12:16

hi i was genuinely shocked at how low BF was in my area. I never questioned BF i just figured everyone did it these days. I was in hosp for 5 weeks due to prem birth and DVT and swear i only saw 3 other women on my ward Bfeed the whole time the midwives about fell over when they saw me doing it. I have no prob with people choosing to bottle feed. I managed to feed for 1 year but this was mainly because he slept through when he was 11 weeks and i had heaps of expressed milk from SCBU and he was fine with the odd bottle of formula later. I also never had any pain etc.

I personally think people just arent well enough educated. I saw several people give it a go once and then say no it hurts. No one then said to them thats probably bad postioning etc. and offer them help and support. Fair enough if people make a decision not to feed but to consider it and then just give it up after one attempt thats just silly if u ask me.

I really have no probs with Bottles i was bottle fed myself just glad i thought it was the norm and went for it it really is a great experience if u enjoy it

tiktok · 08/03/2005 12:37

There is support - but it is not all that obvious. Women who feel sad about not bf are too often told 'don't feel guilty' and 'it doesn't matter - you have a healthy baby, what's the problem?' or 'there is too much emphasis on breastfeeding'...none of which addresses what they are feeling now. Poor dhs - they try so hard to support and like Sponge's dh, can't understand the tears, and end up saying the 'wrong' things.

As an NCT bfc, I often listen to mothers who feel less than ecstatic about formula (the feelings can be mixed - sometimes, there are feelings of relief as well) and some who feel absolutely terrible. NCT bfcs are trained to listen and support, and not judge. I have heard from many, many women who are sick of being told 'it doesn't matter' - they are intelligent enough to know that in the long run, it may well matter less and less, but for them, it's a source of distress at the moment. Their idea of being a mother was tied in with bf. Now, it isn't happening. It's ok to feel sad about that.

There is also a very good website called MOBI - Mothers Overcoming Breastfeeding Issues - with an attendant email group. It's \link{http://www.internetbabies.com/mobi/here}

Not everyone will find it helpful, as it does not try to tell you that not breastfeeding is no big deal, and for goodness sake pull yourself together! Instead, it accepts that for some women, it is a very big deal, but it gives hope you will be ok about it in time.

tiktok · 08/03/2005 12:39

Better link - MOBI

Sponge · 08/03/2005 12:45

flic23 I think it's a bit patronising of you to call people "silly" who try to breastfeed and give up after one or two tries. Badly supported perhaps but silly?
You say youself that you never had a any problems or pain breastfeeding but a lot of people do and trust me it's not just a bit sore, it can be excruciatingly painful. I can fully understand why someone might experience this and think that they don't want to continue to go through it for the next 6 moths or so if no-one's there to help them realise that it will get better.

flamesparrow · 08/03/2005 12:48

I'm with you here Sponge - B had a dodgy neck and couldn't turn properly for the first few weeks, so my right nipple was bleeding and raw. If that had been how it was on both sides there is no way I could have carried on because it just hurt too much. Luckily I had the "good" side to show me what it could be like.

One the chiropractor sorted her neck, both sides were lovely.

moondog · 08/03/2005 14:23

Errr.just want to apologise to everyone for my faux pas re midwives and nurses. You'd think that I of all people would know better wouldn't you?

I thought that people who choose to bottlefeed get the support they need?Here the MWs go into everyone's home and show them how to make up a bottle and actually watch them doing it.

Of course b/feeding requires more info/attention! It is inarguably a whole lot more challenging to master successful b/feeding than it is to put some powder in a bottle, add soome water and shake it up (or whatever it is that one does-I've never done it. )

flamesparrow · 08/03/2005 14:34

You came back!

terrible terrible for your midwife comment

moondog · 08/03/2005 14:40

I know!!! (cringe emoticon with hands covering the top of my head in a humiliated fashion)
What should my penance be???

Weight training with two huge f* off tins of SMA Gold??!!

psychomum5 · 08/03/2005 14:42

LOL moondog....you are much to soft on yourself tho!!!

At least 5tins per arm