Can a nursery ban breastfeeding on its premises?

[gemmamc]

I wonder if anyone here has had a similar experience. I am settling my ds into nursery. He is 10 months and still b/f. I still feed him during the day (as opposed to just in the morning and evening) because

1. I haven't managed to get him to take milk from a bottle and
2. because he needs a lot of breast milk for his Calcium: he is not much into solids yet and he can't have cheese, yoghurt, etc...He asks for the feed, and I have been giving it regularly around 2-3 pm.

When I picked him up Friday at 2 pm he was desperate for a feed. But when I asked whether it was ok of to b/f there (I guess I shouldn't have asked, I should have just done it!) I was told I couldn't feed him on the premises because "there are children around"(!!) and because other parents may get upset. I had to put him screaming in the pram and go home.

Soon I will have to leave him in there full time because of work, and I was hoping to drop in and feed him in the middle of the day (I work from home not too far from the nursery) as long as he still needs it. I know people who have done this in other nurseries...

But now I am really shocked by such a b/f- unfriendly policy and I even wonder if it's totally legal or at least consistent with guidelines for nurseries. It's known locally as a very good nursery, and I live in a part of London where breasfeeding is very widespread, so I didn't expect this at all.

I can't change nursery easily as there are waiting lists (also for good childminders there are waiting lists here!). What should I do? I can't afford a nanny by the way. I feel discriminated against too, because b/f for me is not so much a choice but a necessity given ds's allergy.

My sons Nursery was quite happy for me to feed him if he needed it and he was 14 months when he first went. It is a fantastic Nursery though. I just sat on the sofa in the babies room amongst the babies.

Basically, the member of staff denied your baby milk when he needed it and I think that is abhorent. How would that member of staff like to be denied food/drink??? That is a breach of the standard of care that a Nursery is inspected on.

DEFINATELY REPORT THIS TO OFSTEAD as well as speaking with the manager.

I wouldn't put my child in a nursery like that, other options or no options.

I BF my baby at both nurseries I went to look round. The kids in the pre-school room of one place took turns to stroke DS's head while he was feeding

Its absolutely appalling that they say that, whether it is policy or just one idiot.
I would speak to management. If it is policy then I would take LO out of there as soon as you can manage to find somewhere else. If not, I would insist that the useless employee be corrected, if not reprimanded for such an ignorant response.

Hi
thanks to everyone for your support. I've been feeling really down about this so if anything it really helps to feel understood.

Well, the person I spoke to is my ds's key worker but she is also deputy manager and probably the most senior person there (in terms of age and I am guessing experience too).

She also told me she had spoken to the manager about it, who had confirmed the no to bf on the premises because they have had complaints from parents in the past. I said I would also want to speak to the manager myself, at which point she said there was no point as they agreed on this and she is deputy manager anyway...

I also said that the nursery is a public service and as such they should be bf friendly, and whether they expected me to bf in a cafe nearby, whether she thought bf is dirty or something (which she denied...) etc etc. She said the only option they would offer is for me to take him home for 2 hours in the middle of the day so he could be fed there and nap, then come back. That really wouldn't work for me...

Anyway...I am really angry and I would really like to take ds out - but I have to work this month and there isn't anyone who can look after him on short notice. My family is in another country so no help there,,,

I might look for a childminder but it's really bad that I have to re-do the settling in, and I am very likely to lose one month deposit..

If I do leave, thought, I will definitely call Ofsted (I may do anyway) and also I will name and shame them. They are very popular in my neck of the woods but I bet most people around here don't know about this...

Definitely call OFSTED; I'd be amazed if this were considered acceptable practice.
Sadly, I doubt it's illegal, on private premises can't you ban what you want; even wearing orange t-shirts for example. But the circumstanbces mean it would be unecessary distressing for your DS, hence OFSTED's interest. Call them irrespective of whether you take hime out.

It's hardly good education for the children, either .

FWIW at ds's nursery the staff were delighted for me to feed ds there. They were hoping to have their own children someday, and wanted to see how it was done. Somewhat different attitude, and imo much more like it!

gemma - 08456 404040 is the Ofsted helpline, and this is a legitimate complaint. Under 'Parents as partners' part of the early years foundation stage curriculum, which applies in day care settings, it's a requirement that settings work with parents....in any case, it is entirely preposterous that you should be asked to breastfeed elsewhere, and even if there is nothing in black and white about enabling you to breastfeed on the premises, it's common sense. I suggest you put your views in writing to the nursery, copy it to the owner (I take it this is a private nursery) and let them know you have informed Ofsted. If you don't get a sensible response from the nursery, then go to the press.

They are probably not breaking the law, sadly, but they are being very stupid.

I ran a baby room before having DD and am so shocked by this. We had parents who came in to feed their babies when they could and I can't think why there would be reason to object to this. Also when I was due to go back to work at the same time as a colleague who worked in a different room, the manager had already discussed with us our rights to carry on breast feeding and said it was or decision and that if we felt more comfortable we could feed in the staff room(as could parents if they preferred,none did that I remember they all stayed in the main room) or feed in the room up to us. I think they are being very old fashioned and surely must be on shakey ground legally.

so so odd.
surely even if they aren't happy to let you bf in the main area, where other children are, there must be a more private space you could use??
it is mindblowing how rigid and unhelpful they are being

unbelievable - just seen this. I feed in the baby room, in the foyer, wherever really. I did ask the babyroom staff but would be gobsmacked to be told I couldn't.

In fact the nursery staff asked me if I wanted to come in at lunchtime to feed him too.

I think the employer issue is a good one to pursue, and deffo ring OFSTED since it really isn't focusing on the needs of babies is it?

Good luck, and I hope you find a solution. Including finding somewhere more supportive for your baby if you really have to.

this is terrible - you have to complain! crazy behaviour. What idiot parents would complain about bf/ing anyway?! I think I would call Ofsted whether you leave or not. They're very helpful (had to call recently - we've left the nursery now but parents still there say a lot has changed since a surprise visit).

There is no way a child of mine would be going there. Even if other childcare was difficult to come by.

And I'd definitely complain to Ofsted.

BTW in the meantime, could you feed in the car, if you have one? I know it is not ideal but at least you have the right to do so there!

Or take him home if as you said it's not too far away.

You shouldn't have to though, it is shocking.

o, I never even thought sabout asking permission, I just did it and no one complaint.
Very odd for a nursery

Surely they HAVE to let you bf! Just too stupid otherwise!

However

I can't help but feel a little sorry for your lo - being so desperate for bm that he 'cried all the way home'.

Also

Will it not be VERY disruptive for him if you are popping in in the middle of the day to feed him - and then leaving him there? I know my lo would freak if I did this.

Is there no way you could encourage a bottle / sippy cup to make things easier for him? Or even delay going back to work full time until he is a bit more ready?

I kind of feel it is our job to make sure our lo's are ready for nursery and we make it as easy as possible for them. Shoot me if you like but I don't think bf a baby whilst in full time nursery care is a kind thing to do psychologically - for them (perhaps for you but not for them)

Absolutely bloody DISGRACEFUL!

Am I the only one now really wanting to know which Nursery this is?

Awful and depressing.
I would complain to the nursery manager and look for somewhere else to leave my child, sharpish!
Bad attitude and bad vibes, I wouldn't be at all happy with this situation and would explore other childcare avenues, other nurseries or a good CM?

oh my goodness, can't believe this attitude is from a nursery

definitely name and shame in local papers and make sure you post a link on here to your story as well

am completely baffled by this - why on earth have they taken this line on bf? most bizarre. personally, I would seriously reconsider sending my child there unless it was all singing all dancing in every other respect

It's especially bad if they are not making allowances for his allergies either.

I'm shocked that you have had to deal with this at a nursery.

DKMA, she is still feeding her LO because he has allergies and she is protecting his long-term health (not that there needs to be a reason).

I too think you should ring OFSTED and complain under;
a)The Parents as Partners document.
b)Not taking reasonable steps to accomodate a child's severe allergies.

DKMA - don't worry you're not upsetting me, but definitely it is not for my own convenience that I want to bf him...

The argument that it may be disruptive for him to pop in at the middle of the day is the only one I can accept - and the nursery woman did bring this up too (when she had exhausted other crap arguments). However, as I said I do know people who do that and it's working fine.

At the moment my only option is to keep him there part time rather than full time - but note that the nursery won't allow me to pay less than the full time fee, and we are talking about almost 900 pounds a month. I am also trying (actually we've been trying for months) to get ds to drink EBM from a bottle or a cup. No chance with formula given how awful hypoallergenic formula tastes - we should have started when he was too little to know any better...

I will probably explore other options for childcare, but I hardly have time for that now. I also want to do what's best for ds, and perhaps me being all stressed about this and spending the time I should spend with him researching nurseries and childminders may not be the best option either.

At the moment he does not seem very happy there, but I am told it's normal after only 2 weeks. Perhaps I'll give it a couple of weeks. The nursery does seem pretty good otherwise, to be honest - the problem is that I've really started on the wrong foot with his key worker and that can't be a good thing for building trust...

Why not just name and shame on here. Everyone does it when it's a shop or cafe who have refused a BF mum. Why shouldn't we all know if there's a nursery local to us who does the same.

Do you know what? It would be fab if you did that and then another M'netter made an appointment then said they had decided against that establishment because they'd heard about their stance on BF.

Gemmamac - I'm at this, I agree with other posters, you should complain.
When I brought ds to his first settling session at my nursery I fed him in the baby room - the staff not only batted an eyelid, they got me a chair

DKMA - that is not very helpful. Some bf babies do reject bottles even when given one on a regular basis. And mums of such babies (such as myself) don't always have a choice about when to go back to work.

I thought it was now illegal to stop someone breastfeeding in public?

Is that just up here in sunny scotland ? or am I just plain misinformed??

Just in Scotland. Unfortunately

Frasermummy - yes that applies in Scotland, here it is different - it is not illegal to bf in public, but if you bf on a private premises you have to then prove your have been discriminated against and find a lawyer but you can still be compelled to leave.

gemmamc, sorry if it's not what you want to hear but this nursery sounds awfully inflexible and unfriendly (my DS1 has been going to nursery part time for over 2 years so I do have some experience, he was b-fed when he started at 18 months).
I cannot understand why they are being so odd about you breastfeeding him there -regardless of allergies, it's your choice how you feed him and it seems really discrimanatory to say you can't b-feed him there, since they wouldn't dream of saying this if he were bottle fed. I also don't understand why they are so inflexible about the fees you pay.
Certainly I would look elsewhere for chilcare, you could ask on here for recommendations?