Can a nursery ban breastfeeding on its premises?

[gemmamc]

I wonder if anyone here has had a similar experience. I am settling my ds into nursery. He is 10 months and still b/f. I still feed him during the day (as opposed to just in the morning and evening) because

1. I haven't managed to get him to take milk from a bottle and
   
2. because he needs a lot of breast milk for his Calcium: he is not much into solids yet and he can't have cheese, yoghurt, etc...He asks for the feed, and I have been giving it regularly around 2-3 pm.
   
   When I picked him up Friday at 2 pm he was desperate for a feed. But when I asked whether it was ok of to b/f there (I guess I shouldn't have asked, I should have just done it!) I was told I couldn't feed him on the premises because "there are children around"(!!) and because other parents may get upset. I had to put him screaming in the pram and go home.
   
   Soon I will have to leave him in there full time because of work, and I was hoping to drop in and feed him in the middle of the day (I work from home not too far from the nursery) as long as he still needs it. I know people who have done this in other nurseries...
   
   But now I am really shocked by such a b/f- unfriendly policy and I even wonder if it's totally legal or at least consistent with guidelines for nurseries. It's known locally as a very good nursery, and I live in a part of London where breasfeeding is very widespread, so I didn't expect this at all.
   
   I can't change nursery easily as there are waiting lists (also for good childminders there are waiting lists here!). What should I do? I can't afford a nanny by the way. I feel discriminated against too, because b/f for me is not so much a choice but a necessity given ds's allergy.

[gemmamc]

I just got a call from the nursery manager who claimed there was a misunderstanding, as they are not anti-bf nor have a policy against it - but are simply lacking facilities (i.e. a separate room). She seemed worried.

It looks like I'm getting the deposit back, so that's good at least. I am now urgently looking for a childminder....wish me luck.

[WilfSell]

But you don't need a separate room do you? That's their decision! You can feed anywhere; if they're too prudish to cope with that, that's their problem.

Good that she was worried.

Now, back to sorting out your childcare

Can we help somehow?

[morningpaper]

Aww shame for you

Having said that, there is no way I could have sat down in my dd's nursery and fed her for 20 minutes - it is a busy place with parents in and out and I'd imagine other parents would not be happy with a non-CRBed adult in the room for ages breastfeeding (purely out of form, nothing else).

I would always take mine into the car and feed them when I picked them up, or to a bench outside. Occasionally if there was a room free at the nursery I would go in there. I used to love feeding in the car though - a nice quiet intimate moment after a busy day!

[WilfSell]

Non-CRBed adults ie parents often spend 20 minutes in our baby room however MP - for example while settling in... I wouldn't be too fussed by other parents spending time in there for whatever reason.

I'm not sure why they couldn't allow BF in there...

[foxytocin]

I too think you should ring OFSTED and complain under;
a)The Parents as Partners document.
b)Not taking reasonable steps to accomodate a child's severe allergies.

(C) Every Child Matters. quote bullet points 1 and 2 to them - Ofsted, the press when you mention how lame ofsted was.

[titchy]

Ask them where a bf-ing staff member would have to go - legally they have to provide facilities for their staff to bf. why couldn't they let you sit in a chair in the staff loo? Ridiculous!

[foxytocin]

document of Children's act of 2004

[BroccoliSpears]

My niece goes to a big London nursery that doesn't allow parents to send in expressed milk, only formula. It's shocking what goes on. Good luck finding an alternative for your ds OP.

[onepieceoflollipop]

Broccoli that is as well imo.

gemma very good luck with finding alternative childcare. You have been treated appallingly by your former nursery. I wonder if the manager was fully aware of what the deputy had told you.

Surely they have some sort of office/staffroom even if it it true that other parents had issues with mothers bf babies. Imo even if that was true, they should have supported you.

[chipmonkey]

TBH, I can't understand, how, even if parents complained ( which really seems odd and unlikely to me!) why they could not tell those parents they are being unreasonable. Rather than facilitating their weirdness.

[onepieceoflollipop]

Exactly chipmonkey.

[foxytocin]

agree with chippers too.

I bf my dd till she was 2yo in her nursery room in front of lots of parents and coming and going and a host of children and never had a problem.

My region has low bf take up, never mind continuation and I believe it was great when dd's little friends would come over and look from about 6 inches away while she 'had some milk. From her mummy' as her best friend pointed out every single time.

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

I can't believe other parents would have complained either. I think that was made up

Good luck with finding a childminder.

[Poohbah]

Titchy - A baby feed in a loo, that is disgusting.

You need to make a written formal complaint to Ofstead as they denied your child his food which is against their own rules and government legislation.

From a legal point of view. As long as a parent is not left unsupervised with other other they can be in with the other children and therefore a separate room for breastfeeding should not be required.

[Boysboysboys]

Why would anyone have an issue with a baby being breastfed in a baby room? It happens all the time in my childrens nursery and I wouldn't raise an eyelid... and I bottle fed.

[gemmamc]

Glad to hear you think I made the right decision. I am slightly panicky about it (I have soo much work to do - I run a small business from home and haven't yet told my clients and not even my business partner about the crisis).

I guess I better get on with calling CMs. I've called one so far and I know she's got a vacancy but no idea what she is like.

Will keep you posted. I will also seriously consider what to do about Ofsted, the NCT, etc... I will just give it slightly lower priority as first I've got to sort myself out then I can think of other women who may have the same problem later with this nursery...

[skidaddle]

well done gemma, what a brave decision. I really hope you do decide to take this further because it is absolutely outrageous and none of the manager's reasons make any sense at all.

Best of luck wiht finding alternative childcare, I hope it is not too hard but you can feel very proud of yourself that you took a stand against something so important

[TinkerBellesMum]

The law does exist, but as it?s civil law it?s up to the mother to prove it. gemmamc as you have been told it?s policy, get it in writing and then either bluff them and say ?thanks, I?ll just take this to my solicitor now as it breaks the 1975(?) Sex Discrimination Act and I will be making a civil case? or go to a solicitor with it and get them to write to the nursery, also pass it on to OFSTED and your local paper! (OK, just caught up more and they?re saying that?s not policy, but it?s what I would have done at the start.)

To the people who say it?s a private place and they can do what they want, that?s not true. If it was any other sort of discrimination it wouldn?t be allowed, there is a law that protects mothers (just not a very adequate law) and it doesn?t matter where you are or who you are you can not break the law just because you own the building.

[pudding25]

Dreadful. Please name and shame. I am in London and trying to sort out a nursery and want to know if this is one near me to avoid like the plague.

[gemmamc]

I feel a bit akward about naming and shaming on the Internet - it feels a bit unnecessary and irreversible (what if they were to change something as a consequence of my conversation with them today and my possible complaint to Ofsted? What I write here will stay for years and can't be deleted...).

But if it helps I live in Stoke Newington - an area where normally public bf-ing is not an issue. I guess it's worth asking when visiting a nursery what they do to support breasfeeding mothers.

[domesticslattern]

Gemmamc- I know what you are talking about. I wrote on here about problems with a City nursery, and didn't name and shame for the reasons you give. But I did tell the name to the (few) people who CATed me.

Could you offer the same? I would be interested to know as I live just the other side of Clissold Park from Stoke Newington.

[bluejellybean]

My son has just started Nursery and they have bent over backwards to follow ALL our routines and feeding pattens. He is also 10 months although now on soilds and follow on milk.

You may well find your son finds soilds much easier at nursery, they love to copy each other! My son hated water from a cup but as they all sat together having tea, he just joined in and now loves water!

A good nursery will always follow a babys needs, so I question how good this nursery is? Did you discuss B/F and feeding in general at his home visits and introduction days?

[lizzytee]

gemmamc, really glad this discussion has helped your thinking. I am a working mum so understand how large childcare looms, particularly if you are preparing to go back to work. But equally I agree you deserve a pat on the back for standing up to the nursery about this, it is good that the manager appears to be taking the matter more seriously than his/her deputy. Keep posting and let us know how you get on.

[bluejellybean]

Just a though......you should contact OFSTED with your experiences. This will reflect in their judgments of the nursery's ability to meet each child's needs.