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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

if you chose not to breastfeed, why?

197 replies

thisisyesterday · 20/06/2008 20:18

a genuine question. I can't imagine not wanting to breastfeed, and am honestly interested to know why other people don't want to. and partly because I am going to train as a LLL leader and want insight into this kind of stuff

is there anything anyone could have said or done that may have changed your mind?

do you regret not doing it now?

do you/did you believe that breast is best, but formula is an adequate replacement?

I realise that there is a distinct possibility of this becoming heated, but I am not posting it just to get people upset or anything. would be nice if we could discuss nicely, no?

OP posts:
MrsBadger · 21/06/2008 17:07

fascinating and very current peer-reviewed evidence-based paper

will see if I can access the full text for you at work, Spero

TinkerbellesMum · 21/06/2008 17:21

IE you only read one line of what I said, missing out the rest where I explained that no one gets that in this country or my own experience which was far from it.

There is a good video on YouTube that is being shown to HCPs across India, it was made by WHO, UNICEF, Breastfeeding Alliance of India and a few others. It doesn't show the studies into it but explains it quite well.

I will do some Googling later as I would like it for my own journal - there's not much point going to someones house and saying "there's this great video..." when I can't show it and don't have any prints from it. Right now I'm not able to do it.

juuule · 21/06/2008 17:24

I don't think you're being pathetic at all, Spero. It's exactly what I needed, too, as a first time mum, totally inexperienced at bf-ing. It does seem it was good fortune that I had that particular m/w and you should have been much more sympathetically supported than you were.
As regards breast crawl, I instinctively wanted to pick up and hold my babies close (2nd baby onwards). I don't think I'd have had the patience to wait and see them crawl up to my chest.

TinkerbellesMum · 21/06/2008 17:25

breastcrawl.org/ How's that for a start? I'll see what else I can find later

TinkerbellesMum · 21/06/2008 17:39

I think you'll find that the baby(ies) on the video are actually being held by their mums without her hindering where they go. It's not like they pop out and start crawling from between their legs, they're put on her chest to start with, it's only the breast they crawl to.

I know what you mean about wanting to hold your baby when they're born. I couldn't even open my eyes and was demanding they took my bed to her so I could hold her. I've never known five hours to be so slow and that was just to see her! I couldn't hold her till she was nearly a week old.

finallypregnant · 21/06/2008 19:02

Can I ask a question then? Many mums say it is painful (ok) but then they say their nipples bleed (not ok). What do you do in those circumstances? Do you continue? Do you express? Do you stop?

BTW, DS due shortly and fully intend to give bf a try.

juuule · 21/06/2008 19:07

I couldn't watch the video you linked to tbm so I've just watched one on youtube. It looks to me that breast crawl is the baby rooting and moving around looking for the nipple. Keeps rooting and moving until it finds it. As it was placed between the mother's breasts it wasn't long before it found what it was looking for.
Fascinating as breastcrawl is I still feel more comfortable picking my baby up and bringing to the breast for he/she to root and quickly find the nipple.

MrsBadger · 21/06/2008 19:07

ideally, you fix the problem that was causing the pain / bleeding (thrush, poor latch) and then carry on

babytime · 21/06/2008 19:09

I have a friend who just decided when pregnant that she did not want to breastfeed for many reasons, when baby was born and passed to her, she was naked and they little one just had his mouth open and rooted for her breast, she said that she felt like she could not refuse and he latched himseld on

She then thought she would just let him have one or two feeds but found it so easy (lucky her!) and continued for 4 months and then stopped due to returning to work.

Seh said that she really did not plan that but could not refuse his little mouth.

I love that story

juuule · 21/06/2008 19:11

Finallypregnant - for me, I usually rested the side that was bleeding worst, feeding only from that side if the milk built up.f. Fortunately, they usually healed pretty quickly. I had breast shells to stop clothing sticking and used bm or tiny amount of vaseline to heal and keep moist.

juuule · 21/06/2008 19:12

That's lovely, babytime

finallypregnant · 21/06/2008 19:19

Thank you!

Poohbah · 21/06/2008 19:27

Jeanjeanne - Your way....is most of the areola in the mouth? The baby needs to stimulate the areola in order to get the milk flowing properly! Can you see him swallowing? Are his temples flickering? Was he having wet nappies frequently? It shouldn't be painful, thrush in the nipples can be though. Are you limiting time at the breast or letting him finish one side first and then offering the other side if he needs it. The fat content of the milk increases as you feed. Some babies, mine actually seem to just suck for hours initially, if you can persevere over this phase then breastfeeding becomes really easy but it's hard going with these babies.

violetsmile · 21/06/2008 19:32

I tried breast feeding but only lasted for 3 days. My milk never came in and I was so stressed about it (which I'm sure didn't help the milk supply). Even when he was latched on, he never got a drop of milk, nothing. I had all the midwives helping, tried massaging breasts for hours, had the midwives trying to hand experess into a cup but nothing happened. The midwives had to cup feed ds on day 2 as he hadn't fed at all.

Because of this, he screamed all the first night on the ward, with all the other babies full and sleeping soundly. I felt like such a failure.

Until I had established feeding, I wasn't allowed out of hospital but kept cup feeding the odd 10 ml of formula just to keep ds hydrated but hungry enough to latch on. I ended up staying in hospital for 3 days with not a drop of breast milk and a very unsettled and hungry baby. I gave in and opted to formula feed just to get home and try and bond with our baby.

Because of this experience, everytime I heard ds cry (even now sometimes at 10 months) I still got those initial panicky feelings of being back in the hospital and all the other mums being kept awake my my ds crying. I felt like such a failure and such a rubbish mummy. Due to this, my bonding with our son, I feel, was compromised.

I really wish I had just bottle fed him from day one and maybe I wouldn't have been so shakey during those early months.

I really don't think I would even try and breast feed my next child. I would be too scared of history repeating itself. I wouldn't want to put another baby through that, or myself. Even if I could breasfeed our next baby, i really think I would feel guilty that I couldn't with ds.

Poohbah · 21/06/2008 19:34

Finally pregnant - congrats, breastfeeding is called breast feeding because babies use the breast to feed, not the nipples, nipple bleeding is caused by a poor latch. Have you a La Leche breastfeeding group nearby or any breastfeeding friends that you could see feeding? It can be easy but it can be very hard so having loads of information and tips handly will help you.

TO ANSWER THE OP:-

There are just not enough mums feeding to pass on their knowledge. You can't blame midwives who are 25, 35, 45 and never fed for giving crappy advice, peer support is what people need and I agree with Aitch, your job is not to change people but help people.

Romy7 · 21/06/2008 19:39

dd1 - bf for 6 months (mixed expressed bottle and bf from 3 months) - she self weaned to bottle as was a nosy cow (and yes I tried feeding her in a darkened room with no other distractions yadda yadda)
ds1 - bf for 10 months (would not take bottle/ cup of ebm /water/juice due to associations with plastic near face (RSV and nebulised for 3 week period at 11 weeks) so went cold-turkey to stop) darling boy, but enough was enough, as the little sod fed two hourly day and night and screamed the place down if not fed on demand.
dd2 - 'eventful' birth and required resus and vent - born with no suck/gag reflex and required persistent suction to keep airways clear. ebm via naso-gastric tube (daisy the cow and filled SCBU freezer over five week period) eventually bottle fed ebm and weaned from ng tube as suck grew stronger, (latched on once to the amazement of us both, but no further luck and she was rehospitalised as she stopped feeding completely) - despite discussing possible use of bf aids to compensate for poor suck with counsellor, decided for sanity (and that of two other dcs under 4) to ff.
will always offer support to bf mums, but strongly believe sanity is more important. ff always welcome at my nct coffee.

Poohbah · 21/06/2008 19:41

Voiletsmile, sometimes milk doesn't come in until day 4, mine didn't, your experience sounds so stressful, lots of intervention but no real help and we can all understand how you must have felt and still feel.

Litterbug · 21/06/2008 19:43

I'm not breastfeeding this baby when it is born.

I'm just not successful at it, it causes me too much stress and I would rather cut out the distress and go straight to formula this time.
I may Breastfeed when he is born for the first time, for bonding and the goodness of colostrum but after that he will be FF.

juuule · 21/06/2008 19:47

Poohbah -I can't agree that nipple bleeding is only due to poor latch. Most of mine latched on very well from birth. I still had cracked and bleeding nipples for a week or so until things settled.

scorpio1 · 21/06/2008 19:51

Me: 17 at birth of ds1, 19 at birth of ds2 and now 23, dd 9 weeks.

dsses were FF from day dot, dd is excl bf (has had 1oz of formula her whole life)

is there anything anyone could have said or done that may have changed your mind?

With the dsses, no-one told me just how it would feel, how it helps or very much at all. none of my peers who wer mothers had BF - my own mother hadnt either.

do you regret not doing it now?

With all my heart.

do you/did you believe that breast is best, but formula is an adequate replacement?

with the dsses i thought formula was 'better' and 'normal'. With dd i hadnt even decided to BF until she was born.

I owe her BF-ing alot to other MNers actually, (VS, Hunker's blog)and a midwife who plonked her on there.

I now htink breast is best for me and Millie. And if i have any more, it will be BF all the way.

babytime · 21/06/2008 19:52

some people just have sensitive nipples, mine are - both times it took two weeks of pain and then the clouds lifted and it was lovely (miss it)

juuule · 21/06/2008 19:53

I agree, Babytime.

Sketchi · 21/06/2008 20:22

Didn't feel maternal enough. Never thought of the boob as a place where a baby should be, it's where DH should be...if you get my drift!

Didn't like the thought of a baby sucking at my nipple, just weird.

Also I have small babies under 5.5lb, so I like to know what their getting. Also am really crap without sleep and this way both my DH and I can take turns feeding the baby and bonding.

TinkerbellesMum · 21/06/2008 20:38

Fascinating as breastcrawl is I still feel more comfortable picking my baby up and bringing to the breast for he/she to root and quickly find the nipple.

It's only the first feed, I don't think WHO and UNICEF are advocating ignoring a baby for the first six months with a "well come here then" attitude! Although I guess it's what you do when you co-sleep

I didn't link to a video I linked to a scientific study.

Violetsmile, I second Poohbah, I didn't have any milk for ten days and it was 16 days until I had enough milk to give her all her feeds. It sounds like, although they were supportive, you didn't have the right support. If you do have another you could be successful, it's possible you'll feel just as guilty if you didn't try as if you do and are successful. My Mum wasn't able to feed me and my brother but did really well with my sister. She didn't have the support with us but my sister was just a pro from the start. You mustn't feel guilty because you were let down.

If a baby is nipple feeding it is not latched on properly. The nipple should be fully in the mouth and the baby feeding on the areola.

juuule · 21/06/2008 20:52

Tinkerbellesmum 17:39 post "I think you'll find that the baby(ies) on the video "
I thought you were referring to the video which could be accessed from the site you linked to. My mistake. Which video did you mean?