I hate breastfeeding - anyone else?

[KinderEggg]

I thought it would be easy. But it’s not.
If I don’t have baby on me, I have shields on me or a pump. I smell of milk. I don’t like the clothes I’m wearing. I don’t like I can’t share the burden with my husband.

It can’t just be me?

Solidarity op. I hated it too.

You don't have to carry on doing it...
Seriously, it's ok to stop and be glad we live in 2024 where there is a perfectly good alternative which your baby will thrive on.

Did you both stop?

Did you stop? Did you feel better?

I didn't because (1) I only disliked it's rather than hated it (2) (more importantly) baby had a huge aversion to bottles and was underweight, so it was tits or make that worse (3) physically it was fine, no issues, no pain. I just felt trapped.

This was my second. My first I formula fed from birth by choice. It means nothing, but she's the stronger healthier one.

For most people, it should just be a choice though.

I fought tooth and nail to keep breastfeeding with my first, persevered for 7 weeks and finally stopped due to static weight gain and an extremely unsettled baby. The difference was like night and day, it affected me for years after and I swore I would never let it take up so much headspace if I had another child. That child got colostrum and then was straight onto formula and it was the best thing I ever did to be honest.

How long have you been bf for op? It is very intense and demanding. I struggled a lot in the early months especially, but as time went on I did find it goes easier and I only really started to enjoy it when ds started solids and it became a bit more relaxed for me.

You can do this the way that suits you. I expressed some milk so my ex could give the odd bottle when I needed a break. Many people supplement with formula. I'd recommend joining a bf support group if you haven't already. The support I got from mine is the only reason I'm still feeding 2 years later. I wouldn't have made it past 4 months without their advice and empathy.

Ultimately though op, it's your choice how you feed your baby and it has to work in the context of your mental health too. You are important and you need and deserve breaks as well.

I stopped at three months with my first, it was painful, she was always hungry (so didn’t settle) and I constantly smelt like a petit filou.

I haven't enjoyed it - I felt claustrophobic, trapped and frustrated at the corner I backed myself into. It was easier the 2nd time around though (I BF both for 13 months) I’m just stopping with the 2nd and I can’t wait. Formula isn’t all that either though from what I can see - massive faff and more stuff to lug around the place. I’m glad I didn’t stop, FWIW.

Yes, same here. I felt ok when things were going well but both of my bfing journeys have generally been shitshows. Gritted my teeth and managed to combi feed (bf plus formula top ups) to around 8months with both of them before fully switching to formula. Both had significant weight gain issues and it wasnt just a case of following the usual advice of feed, feed, feed, skin to skin etc. I stuck at it with DD1 because she had been in NICU and I really felt like I want to try for her. Then DD2 I kept going to give her the same experience as the eldest. I have a lot of sadness at not being able to have a more straightforward feeding experience with them both.

I was sorry I ever let myself be persuaded to try it to be honest. I didn't really want to.

It was so awful that I gave up after four days with DD1, moved on to formula and never looked back. Before that she'd been constantly screaming hungry, couldn't latch on to my swollen watermelons and losing weight. All day and all night. Fuck that. Formula was fantastic.

If you hate it, then stop. The relief will be enormous.

I didn't enjoy it and it wasn't working well with my first and I stopped at about 9 weeks. I was glued to the sofa all day and miserable and honestly bonded much better with her once we moved to bottle.

Managed to bf successfully second time around and as such I am a great supporter of mothers doing whatever works and not sticking with anything that makes them miserable or feel resentful.

How old is your baby? If still very little it probably will get much much easier.

If you want to continue, ditch the breastfeeding clothes, they are generally horrible. Some button down blouses/dresses would work, or a jumper with a vest top underneath so you can pull up the jumper and pull the best top down also works well in winter.

Do you need to be pumping? It is a pain in the arse.

But also, stop if you hate it. Sometimes being a good parent means doing something you hate for the benefit of your child - this is not one of those times.

Who is the stronger one? The formula or breastfed?

I breastfed for about 3m and stopped. Gave myself a really hard time about it. Looking back I should not have been so hard on myself. He is thriving. I stopped because we struggled to get it right and I was ill (did not know it at the time)

BFing should stop when one or the other are you no longer want to continue. If you hate it that much I'd start transitioning to FFing now OP.

Hated it, gave it up. Never tried again & put my 2nd straight on to formula

I found it very positive with my first DC but the second time around I'm finding it really stressful. DC2 isn't that keen on feeding and it feels like a constant struggle to get him to take milk. So I think it really depends on the baby! I can't wait to start weaning this one onto solids and reduce his dependency on me.

I am still breastfeeding my 13month old and hope to continue to at least two but my god the amount of times in the early weeks when I declared I never wanted to feed again and like a pp I often felt trapped. I’m not sure how old your baby is but I remember thinking I wouldn’t even make one week and then wouldn’t make 2 weeks etc, around 4 weeks it really clicked in to place. I will say though looking back we clearly had issues with latch for the first few months and I should have sought skilled support. I couldn’t imagine him ever being off the breast for more than 15 minutes in the early days let alone a couple of hours between feeds.
Good luck whatever you decide to do

I quit after 10 days when I felt miserable and desperate and I was crying all the time. Almost immediately things got so much better. Second child just got some colostrum then formula. Both very healthy robust children. I’m a better mum when I make decisions that reflect the needs of the whole family - including me.

I hated it at first with my first, and found it really difficult, and everything seemed to go wrong. But I persevered, more from pigheadedness than anything else - various people were telling me to stop, or to mix feed, and I felt so out of control with so many things that I wanted to insist on this one thing that was in my power. So I carried on even though I was miserable and sleep deprived and crying with pain and constantly worried about her weight.

It got way easier. And I started to enjoy it. And it even surprised me when a whole load of women from our circle (fairly small community so the same group of mums at all the local groups) all stopped at exactly 6 months, when they started weaning. IMO, 5 months onwards is the perfect time to breastfeed - both mother and baby have really got the hang of it, all the mastitis and infections and stressing about weight gain are gone, you're laughing.

I'm glad I stuck with it. It became a real bonding experience. Plus I saved a load of money and faff. But I really wish I'd been prepared for how awful it would be with a newborn.

My dd is 4 weeks old.
i couldn’t with DS because of tongue tie issues so really wanted to this time round.
but I didn’t realise I would hate it so much.
I think it’s even as bad as bottles. My husband loved feeding DS. I miss him being able to.

if I transition to formula, will her little stomach be okay? I’m scared it might affect her for some reason.

If your baby will take a bottle, would it help you to give one bottle of formula a day, say at bed time? My partner did that from day 2 so that I could go to bed. Baby is still combi fed at 6.5 months.

Her stomach will be just fine OP. Formula is absolutely fine for babies and you’ve done so well getting this far. She’ll benefit a lot more from a happy and rested mummy. Be kind to yourself. (As someone who needed to hear that 5 odd years ago!)