I hate breastfeeding - anyone else?

[KinderEggg]

I thought it would be easy. But it’s not.
If I don’t have baby on me, I have shields on me or a pump. I smell of milk. I don’t like the clothes I’m wearing. I don’t like I can’t share the burden with my husband.

It can’t just be me?

I had a lot of difficulty at first and then it just never clicked with baby number two.

It just came easier with my second one. No real idea why other than I guess different babies feed differently?

I was exactly the same

I didn’t enjoy it, my baby didn’t enjoy it. Currently pumping and topping up with formula. Pumping is hard work but can’t bring myself to stop completely.

I breastfed both my kids to 13 months. With my first I really felt a lot of my self worth as a mother tied into breastfeeding, which made it super hard when she went on a nursing strike for a month. My second's first ever feed was formula because I'd been on an epidural for a long time, was exhausted and hungry and couldn't produce anything of worth. I loved breastfeeding , but what I've realised over the years of parenting is that you - as a mum - matter. Your mental and physical health matter. A fed baby and a happy, healthy, mum is the goal - however that happens. If you are unhappy breastfeeding, give yourself a break and give that kiddo a bottle. And it doesn't have to be all or nothing if you don't want it to be, but formula is fine, your baby will be fine - and actually will do better if you are a happier, less stressed out mama

I also really dislike all the talk of how "faffy" bottles are. Frankly, I HATED breastfeeding anywhere except my house even well beyond the initial 6week period everyone advises. DD2 in particular had a 90% tongue tie that wasn't caught until 8weeks old and took another 8 weeks to heal after division. She would only feed in one precise position, wouldn't latch properly, would bob on and off, smack me, pull at my nipple, a delightful 4week period of biting - it was awful feeding in public. I was so exposed because of course she wouldn't accept a muslin / modesty cover over her. Pumping was horrible but necessary to keep my supply up as she wasnt extracting milk efficiently. I felt so trapped at home and I basically didn't leave the house for a huge part of my mat leave.

With formula, i had 8 bottles and teats so enough for a whole day. DH spent about 15mins each evening washing the bottles and sterilising them in the microwave, which takes 5mins. I always kept a couple of bottles of ready made formula in my bag and feeding was so much more pleasant when I stopped bf in public. Of course if you whip out a boob and baby latches and feeds it will seem faffy, but so many women don't have that experience and so FF is nowhere near as stressful and upsetting than your child constantly rejecting your breastfeeding attempts.

So glad to read this! It sounds like a lot of the people calling FF ‘faffy’ have not actually done it before so and just believe it is awkward.

I have 7 bottles and similar to yourself they are all washed and sterilised either before bed or first thing in the morning. I use the munchkin sterilising bags and it literally takes 3 minutes. Couple of bottles of ready made in my bag for when out and about.

Obviously there is an additional cost using formula but I found myself eating so much additional food when I was BF that FF works out cheaper for me 🙈

My experience is this
1st baby, a son, born October 10lbs. BF exclusively from birth to 7 months.
Did not have a great experience. An hour on an hour off, cracked bleeding nipples where he would throw it up and we would have to start again, nipple shields, mastitis (with miserable flu symptoms) listened too much to others who insisted I should persevere. Felt very alone. Actually got a bit better towards the end when we introduced mixed feeding. Robust child.
2nd baby, a daughter, born October 9lbs ( a year later, yeah, I know !) BF for 2 weeks, not as hard as the first, but after 2 weeks, few wet nappies and losing weight, went onto bottle, as was her older brother, no bother.

3rd baby, a daughter, born at 41 weeks, 10lbs, a week and that was enough.

4th baby, a son, born at 36 weeks, still 9lbs !, BF in the hospital for 24 hours then straight onto the bottle, strongest of them all from a health pov.

So, my conclusion from experience is, unless you are an absolute natural with these things and it feels easy, go on the bottle. It seems to make zero difference to their health, but it makes a massive difference to your well-being if someone else (like your partner or mum and dad) can feed your baby a bottle while you get something to eat, or care for other children. I was properly ill with the mastitus and felt terrible at times because I was effectively chained to him 24 hours a day, and I probably would not have co slept had I been able to avoid it, but an hour on and an hour off means you end up doing so because you are so knackered. My daughter is pregnant now, and I have said to her "give it a go" but if it doesn't work for you, don't feel bad for even a moment about the bottle. There's too much pressure going around about this stuff. Sorry, I have rambled, but I hope this helps xx

Formula feeding is definitely a faff. I had to give my daughter prescription milk for a little while but stopped drinking it so fully breastfed now and so much easier

If you are unhappy you should stop. You won't get these days back with the little one and you need to be happy.

Look after yourself both physically and mentally so you can then look after your baby 🫶🏻

Absolutely. Not much faff once you're in a routine, and the small amount of faff can be shared.

Putting a steriliser on once a day and sharing some washing up is a small price for having 8 hours solid sleep on a regular basis!

It might help if you stop expressing. It can take the pressure off.

If I stop expressing, will I still be able to combine feed or will the non expressing affect my supply?
I have only been doing it for 4 weeks so my supply hasn’t been established yet?

I hated it too but got it into my head it
was " the right thing to do".
Always found it painful. Got engorged,cracked nipples, mastitis.
I managed to breastfeed 3 of my 5 children till they were around 15 months.
I stopped with my last one when she bit my nipple and laughed.
Didn't enjoy any of it.

I stopped after a week, it wasn't for me

Yeah been there done that and bought the T-shirt. Breastfeeding was hard after an emergency c and my son was a ‘barracuda feeder’ so the pain was quite something. But I persevered and was so glad I did. Not having to wash and sterilise bottles and make sure I bought milk was something I didn’t need. Also, having it be on tap and doing it anywhere was good. The first month was tough and then it got a lot easier as baby’s stomach hit bigger and could feed more.

My second was jaundiced and underweight and I continued to breastfeed. Not any pain and so much easier. Yeah it was challenging to not see how much I was giving him but mother nature doesn’t have a measuring cup so as long as he was gaining week to week and wasn’t crying it was fine.

Both boys are big and strong, so really well on school and active in sports. Eldest plays elite sport and is over 6’3 but that’s genes too I guess (husband!).

You should do what is best for you and what makes you feel comfortable but I just couldn’t bring myself to formula feed. I write this to say it is hard but does get better. Good luck.

Your supply will adjust to however much milk is being 'demanded' so i you stop expressing and don't do anything else differently then your supply would drop but that's ok because you'd be giving formula to replace the expressed BM. If you keep feeding directly your body will keep producing enough milk for those feeds. I have heard lots of people get on really well with combi feeding. Good luck

@KinderEggg In my experience, the best way to regulate your supply is to feed the baby. Obviously I'm not an expert, but it might be worth stopping expressing for a week or so (they always used to say wait til 6 weeks to express) and focus on establishing your supply, then trying again. It might help you to continue BF if that's what you want to do because it will be less relentless. BF can be so tough at first-but it can also be so easy once it's all working properly. Obviously stopping, or mixed feeding is also a fine option...

OP I was an entirely formula fed baby. My mum was really ill after my birth. I am now nearly 59 and never suffered any stomach issues. If you hate breastfeeding change to formula.

As for my own children. I remember sobbing over my pfb on day 3 . Breast feeding did not come naturally but I persevered. Dd1 stopped overnight at 6 months. It was a mixture of her teething, me having a period and eating a curry the day before. problem was she refused formula and wouldn’t take a bottle. No choice but to give her cow’s milk in a sippy cup.

I thought it would be easier with DD2 as at least I knew what I was doing , I was wrong. Breastfeeding took a long time to establish and she lost a lot of weight in the process. Had the health visitor pressuring me to keep going but I stopped at 10 months. I wish I had stopped between 6 and 8 months as she was a very skinny thing. Changed to formula instantly started to thrive. Again had to use a sippy cup.

*Absolutely. Not much faff once you're in a routine, and the small amount of faff can be shared.

Putting a steriliser on once a day and sharing some washing up is a small price for having 8 hours solid sleep on a regular basis!*

I know. Its oft repeated that FF is a faff, when it's just a once a day thing. Wash, sterilize, make up batch, job done for the day.

If you hate it then it's not law that you have to do it, I have 4 children with the first 2 I hated it and stopped, only lasted 3 days with my oldest and 4 weeks with my second, with my third it was considerably easier she just took to it with no issue and same with my 4th one who is 4 months and I'm still breastfeeding but if for whatever reason it hadn't worked out and I'd hated it again I would have just moved to formula, you can't tell which were formula fed or breastfed at all

I reed this and wondered if I had written it in my sleep.

I’m 4 weeks in and have spent the whole morning in tears. I’m combi feeding already because she wasn’t putting on weight and yday we had a great feeding day, todsy she won’t latch at all.

I’m finding it so so stressful and I’m definitely not enjoying being a mum because of it.

Hugs!

What’s your combi feeding schedule?

My DD is a skinny little thing struggling to put on weight.
My first was on formula and was a right chunk and loved his milk. It’s hard not to compare.
When I give her a top up, she laps it up. Makes me wonder why I keep persevering with breast milk. It’s the breast is best mantra.

Some breastfed babas can very much be chunky too. Like the Michelin man. You can also get skinny babas on formula.

I BF until 18m but not for any other reason than I was lucky and I found it easier than bottles at the time. At 18m I wanted my body back and so I stopped then. So in your situation I agree with the PPs, stop if you hate it so much and let your DH help. Looking after a new baby is incredibly tough, be kind to yourself. The best kind of parent is a happy one.

It sounds like you’re really torn and not entirely sure which direction you want to move in. Have you chatted to a professional? Highly recommend calling the national breastfeeding helpline to talk it all over and help you decide, they are very lovely. They don’t give advice, but information and they help you figure out your own feelings and make informed choices.