Has this happened to you? Breastfeeding 'support' led my baby to hospital

[alomath]

This was my experience of trying to exclusively breastfeed. It objectively harmed my baby and traumatised me. Has this, or something similar, happened to anyone else?

My baby was born at 40w+1d from a forceps delivery after a long (induced) labour. I had gestational diabetes but other than that a normal pregnancy. She was born healthy.

I wanted to exclusively breastfeed and in hospital I was seen and given advice on latching/breastfeeding from multiple healthcare professionals (midwives, nurses and infant feeding team). I was told her latch was good and to keep going.

After approxmately 36 hours we were discharged. I struggled to breastfeed at home (cluster feeding, rarely settling). The midwife visited on day 2 and told me this was normal and to keep going.

On days 3 and 4 things kept getting worse. By day 4 her nappies were not heavy and she hadn't pooed in 24 hours (but she was still producing the 'normal' amlount of wet and soiled nappies, according to the information I got from the NHS trust where she was born). Her cry was becoming high pitched. I called the national breastfeeding helpline and was told everything I was going through 'seemed normal' and was given advice about latching. I wasn't convinced, so I called my local infant feeding team, who told me on the phone (again) that all of this was normal. Nevertheless, they offered to send someone to my home to see me feeding. That person came, told me her latch looked very good and advised me to express to top up. She also pointed out my baby's lips were dry, but didn't make much of it. I pointed out I didn't think my milk had 'come in', but again she didn't seem to make much of this. I tried expressing but nothing came out.

On day 5 the midwife came to for the routine health visit. She weighed my daughter and realised she had lost >20% of her birth weight and her jaundice had gotten worse. The midwide told us to rush to A&E.

In A&E, they immediately gave her formula and she was instantly a different baby (much more settled). We stayed for a few days to ensure she was feeding and gaining weight. However, her weight loss had been so dramatic that the doctors wanted to rule out an infectious disease, so she had profilactic intravenous antibiotics + blood, urine and even a lumbar puncture to look for infections. Everything came back negative, it was just underfeeding. Her diagnoses were hypernatremic dehydration which had led to a metabolic acidosis and hypoglycaemia.

I was traumatised by this. I basically starved my baby for her first 5 days of life, in great part because of professionals who reassured me everything was OK when it clearly wasn't. I feel awful and I don't think the guilt will ever go away. But I also feel angry at everyone who pressured me to breastfeed, even when it was going so badly (my baby was clearly dehydrated!).

My baby was exclusively formula-fed since then and is - so far - healthy.

The doctor who discharged my baby told me she often saw babies like this. Has anything like this ever happened to you?

Similar happened to my friend and her newborn. She wasn’t producing enough milk and he was starving to death, despite her being told all was fine. Once it was discovered, he thrived on formula.

Sending best wishes to you and your baby girl xx

Same. I think there's an unhealthy obsession regarding breastfeeding. At any cost. Anyhow. Anywhere. When I realised he hasn't peed in 12 hours I gave him formula. So, so awful, OP. I am so sorry. Sending hugs

I’m so sorry you went through this. An NCT friend of mine went through the same and sought advice from a lactation specialist which cost her a small fortune and resulted in the baby being admitted to hospital. My friend’s mental health took a skydive too.
I EBF my first with no issues which was very fortunate. I’m now pregnant with DC2 and will try breastfeeding but my eyes are wide open to the realities of it all and I’m prepared to formula feed if she needs it.
I’m glad you and your little one are ok.

I was 'sent' with my baby to a&e by a midwife 2 days after a c section. The hospital was confused why I was there and said it's not uncommon for babies to lose weight after birth. There were 2 unnecessary blood tests for my son (the first one was lost!) After sitting in A&E for 6 1/2 hours without any support we were sent home by a paediatrician who was thoroughly unimpressed we had been sent in by the health visitor midwife. The midwife came back to my house the next day and had a go at me about the hospital saying there was nothing wrong.... Even though there was nothing wrong with my son. I needed to rest and recover and I didn't get the chance. I ended up bottle feeding as I was so stressed out and tired after all the 'help' I received and I just wanted the health visitors to go away.

My story was slightly different in that I didn't get any help - I asked and asked and asked at hospital but it was very busy and all my concerns were dismissed and like you I was told it was fine.

And then it was a bank holiday weekend immediately after we were sent home so I had no visits.

When the midwife did eventually come, she said he had lost too much weight. He was admitted and tube fed for a few days. It was AWFUL. I felt just like you and I blamed myself even though the doctor in paediatrics said it was a "midwifery disaster"! I was paranoid about his eating for years.

But just to reassure you, my skinny, dehydrated baby is now a 6ft 4 teen and a competitive athlete.

And with my second baby I was totally prepared for emergencies with a supply of formula on hand. But I ended up throwing it away when he was about 3 and I found it in the back of cupboard! V different experience second time round.

And no difference whatsoever in the kids' health etc. In fact the one who was breastfed is more inclined to colds and is ND.

So you're doing great, don't worry (easier said than done). Your baby will thrive.

So sorry that happened to you, we really need better breastfeeding support in this country- and not just the type of support to get mums breastfeeding at all costs but the type that will recognise that sometimes giving up and giving formula is better.

Similar happened to my SIL and niece, ended up in hospital with dehydration and jaundice after struggling with feeding. It was also during covid restrictions so midwives were trying to give breastfeeding support virtually- ridiculous!

People need to realise that some mums actually genuinely can't breastfeed, in the old days their babies would have either died, gone to a wet nurse or been given substitutes like cows milk with were very unsuitable.

Fortunately we have formula that's very good quality these days and does babies no harm at all.

When was this OP? Was it recent?

We also had terrible pressure to breastfeed and absolutely zero help or advice with formula - the midwives seemed quite cross and dismissive when I gave formula (we were in hospital for 6 days).

I have since been told that they are trying to bring the focus away from exclusively breastfeeding as so many women had stories like yours.

Im so sorry it happened and I’m not surprised you are traumatised. Have you investigated whether there is any counselling available?

It happened to a friend of mine. When she had her second baby her milk came in strongly and she really realised there had been a problem first time round and it wasn't her fault. For some reason her milk just didn't come in with her first. She managed to ebf her second without a problem.

A similar thing happened to an nct friend. She combi fed and eventually managed to get back to ebf with a lot of effort.

I ebf and found it easy BUT tbh the advice I was given in hospital re latch was still awful. The midwife basically grabbed my boob and shoved DC on so hard she started gagging!

Just to give some good news about HCP for balance... in my hospital, they seemed very pleased that I was mixed feeding. They didn't actively promote mixed feeding but they asked how I planned to feed my baby and every single midwife, doctor etc seemed pleased and relieved when I said mixed. I ended up breastfeeding dc1 for 2.5y and dc2 for 10m so far. It's so much easier to sustain it longterm when you have formula as a backup option.

I had one health visitor, with dc2, who asked for feeding details and at the time (1mo) he was on just one bottle of formula a day. She said "oh good, just one bottle won't do any harm." I pulled her up on this, because formula is not harmful and she shouldn't imply it is. But health visitors are a total waste of time IME. The "health" bit in the title is such a misnomer, I don't think they have any medical training.

All the actual health care professionals I've met were fans of mixed feeding, as am I. It's the best of both worlds.

They were also never cross or judgemental about formula at my hospital. In fact every change of shift on the postnatal ward, they asked if I had nappies and formula, and they gave me those single use teats so I could split bottles and not waste it.

This was in a big hospital in London, one with a good reputation for maternity care

They used to call this " yuppie syndrome " in the 1980/1990s when women would continue to try to breast feed. I was advised not to breast feed in 1991 because of blood loss at birth but can recall friends with health visitors out at night with insufficiently fed babies.

fedisbest.org/2019/05/dying-for-milk-pam-and-chaz-floyds-story/

I had an emergency C-section with my son, so stayed in hospital for the first 48 hours. Once sent home, he kept wanting to feed, my nipples were so sore and he kept crying. After being up all night, I called the maternity unit and explained the situation. As soon as I told the midwife, I'd had a C-section, she said my body hadn't realised I'd given birth and my milk hadn't properly come in. A midwife was sent out to see me in the morning, and she confirmed that my milk had literally come through that morning. I had to feed my son every 2 hours, even over night and she said she'd come back the next day. He'd put back on the weight he'd lost and a bit more, so no emergency trip to the hospital. I think the lack of milk, especially after a C-section or traumatic birth is common, yet rarely spoken about by the professionals.

My baby was very slow to regain weight after birth, and he was very unsettled and cried most of the time while he was awake. He had the right amount of wet and dirty nappies.

I was told that breastfed babies can regain more slowly, and midwife appointments came and went with baby gaining a tiny amount, then losing a tiny amount, but no midwife ever suggested that my milk supply could be an issue. I was told the latch was good many times over. This rollercoaster went on for 2 weeks and he was still hovering around his lowest weight.

I contacted a private lactation consultant who also works as a midwife in my trust, and she was the only person to suggest that baby might be underfed! She put the fear of God into me got me pumping 3-hourly and eating and drinking lots to boost my milk supply.

I had had a serious PPH, and this LC/midwife was the only person to point to that and say that there was virtually no way my milk supply would be sufficient while my body was trying to replenish its own reserves after that.

So, like other PPs, I basically starved my baby for 2 weeks. He regained his birth weight by day 19 – that was with a few formula top-ups and lots of pumping to boost my own supply.

To me, it feels like most health visitors and midwives have very little practical experience of supporting breastfeeding. Their knowledge is a tick-box exercise, and in their ignorance, they breezily reassured me that my hungry, unhappy baby was fine and would gain weight eventually.

I managed to breastfeed exclusively in the end, but I think mine was not so severe a case. I hate to think what may have happened had I not contacted the LC, or had my supply been lower/non-existent.

That’s not what yuppie syndrome is

Breastfeeding is excellent when it works, but it so often doesn’t, and a lack of support and a blind “breast is best at all costs” mentality means real issues are swept under the carpet and mothers and babies pay the price.

Fairly similar experience here - long labour ending in emergency c-section, pph and transfusion, and my milk didn’t come in. For 5 days after we were discharged I spent 90% of the time with baby at the breast, going delirious from lack of sleep while the poor mite shrivelled up. I didn’t realise how bad the situation was until the HV came to weigh him and he’d lost 20% of his birthweight and we were whisked back into hospital. He had hypernatremic dehydration too. I still feel so guilty about it all even now he’s 9 and strong as an ox. In our case we did then manage to get breastfeeding established and I fed him until he was 3 (which had not been my plan at all!) but I really sympathise as it was such a horrible experience and I carry a lot of guilt about it - I felt I’d failed horribly at the first hurdles of mothering (by not being able to give birth vaginally - just my own issue here, not suggesting that I think this about anyone else - and then by unwittingly starving him for nearly a week).

Was this recent, OP? Is there anyone you can talk to about it in real life - either a friend or a professional?

I felt I’d failed horribly at the first hurdles of mothering (by not being able to give birth vaginally

I felt this initially too, after my first c section. In hindsight I place the blame utterly on NCT classes, which are practically criminally misleading about how birth is or should be. (At least, the classes we attended were, I understand each NCT rep has some discretion on how they deliver the classes.) I no longer blame myself, but my resentment for NCT will never go away

Thank you everyone for your replies, they've made me feel a lot less lonely.

To answer your questions about when this happened: this year. So it seems not much has changed since the 1990's, which is tragic and infuriating.

I have tried to access NHS mental health support (in North London), but no success. I was referred by my HV to a local service, who then referred me to the "perinatal mental health team", who refused me because I "didn't have PTSD" and my trauma wasn't "affecting my relationship with my baby". I was flabbergasted, and will probably just pay for private counselling. It's ironic though, that this was so driven by NHS policy and now that I need help to deal with the consequences of the breastfeeding policy, the NHS is not there for me.

While my baby now seems healthy and is hitting all her developmental milestones, I do live in fear of possible long term consequences. But it's really reassuring to hear about others who had similar experiences and now have healthy / strong / big children, so thank you :)

I just think the solution is so simple. I got THOUSANDS of leaflets when I was pregnant, many about breastfeeding. Couldn't ONE of them have said something like "sometimes BF doesn't work, and these are the signs: being unsettled, dry lips, etc etc. If this happens to you, consider giving formula". Just knowing that would have probably prevented this whole thing, but I was convinced it was "rare" for BF not to work and couldn't believe I would be one of those "rare" exceptions... Clearly it's not rare!!

Again, thank you everyone, I really appreciate you sharing your experiences ❤

I loved feeding my babies myself, and my first one knew what to do from the moment she was put on my chest. So I was all for breastfeeding.
When my SIL had problems feeding, I was of the opinion that she just wasn't being helped enough (fortunately I didn't stick my nose in). But the same thing then happened to her, as did to you, @alomath . Her baby lost a lot of weight, everyone told her that that's normal. But then the midwife came back after the same kind of period, and was horrified.

I can't remember if it was an A&E job or getting the GP straight out (it was in the late '80s) but it cured me of the idea that everyone should be pushed to breast feed even when it's not working.

Don't all breastfed babies lose weight at first?

I read this in you post OP.

By day 4 her nappies were not heavy and she hadn't pooed in 24 hours

And as an ex-breatfeeding supporter was slightly horrified that the infant feeding team didn't pick up on this as a red flag for a feeding issue. 😳 As they should be pooing a reasonable amount at lest every day if not more in the first six weeks.

You had very poor support and I would even suggest that the people who supported you need retraining.

Not always, neither of mine did.

I had a similar antenatal experience to you, @alomath : absolutely heaps of positive info about breastfeeding, and the only troubleshooting mentioned focused solely on latch issues.

Except the same LC/midwife whom I consulted told us all in her breastfeeding workshop that we should all have formula, bottles, and a steriliser in the house and know how to make up a bottle, in case we needed them in the middle of the night and breastfeeding wasn't working out.

It's funny, my relationship with my baby would be radically different without breastfeeding, and I really do value it, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, even my past self!

And now that I'm exclusively breastfeeding I'm finding the information around breastfed babies and disrupted sleep similarly obfuscatory and painting a rosier picture than the reality. It feels like women aren't trusted to be told the unvarnished truth because then we'll make the "wrong" choice and not breastfeed.

And it shouldn't be more then 10% anyway.

Yup. Luckily no jaundice so no A&E, just plain old starvation. By week 12 he was a failure to thrive - I was obviously doing top ups, combo feeding, on everyone’s advice, but he had a tongue tie which wasn’t discovered until we moved to a new county at 7 weeks old (yes obviously I had had him checked many many times before then). Then I had to pay privately to get it cut at 8 weeks old, because he wasn’t born in new county so they wouldn’t do it on the NHS. So by the time tongue tie was found, 7/8 weeks old, BF well and truly fucked as he wasn’t ’demanding’ enough so it was never properly established…. Although he had obviously been trying to feed for 24/7 for weeks before that learning that nothing was coming. V sad! Poor baby.

Im really sorry you went through that!!! It absolutely is traumatic. BF support is shocking and far far far from holistic. It’s so closed minded. Needless to say my following 2 children were formula fed from birth - cannot bear the thought of someone munching on my nips for hours on end after my experience with DS1!